Hi :)
I've never blogged before - for any reason, so bear with me!
I joined this community because my amazing mum passed away on the 15th of August this year following a year long fight with cancer. She was initially diagnosed with bowel cancer, but it spread to her liver and became untreatable due to its position on her hepatic vein.
She never once let the cancer rule her life - she went through nearly 6 months of chemo before the doctors said there was no more they could do, and then lived life to the full for the last 5 months of her life. She accepted that this was the way it was going to be for her, and she stayed so positive and strong throughout the whole thing. I have never known anyone be so strong! She was a credit to my dad, my sister and me. She was the most perfect mum - the best anyone could ever ask for.
I've not really understood my feelings since she died. We had the funeral 11 days afterwards, and it was so amazing to see over 200 people come to pay their respects. I thought that the funeral would make all of my feelings come to a head, but since then I've found I still feel as though it's not real. I don't really understand why I don't seem to be falling to bits all the time - I definitely have my moments, but there seems to be some sort of block in my brain that stops me from really remembering that she won't be coming back. I keep wondering if this is normal??!!
I've been back at work for a week and a half now, and I think being busy is helping. The downside is working as a dietitian in a hospital means that I come face to face with cancer, and death, on a daily basis. I find that I struggle when I know one of my patients is close to dying - I can't stay on the wards because it hits me really hard. I hope that it becomes easier soon, but I guess only time will tell.
I haven't said everything now, I think I need more time to work out how to express my thoughts and feelings!
I have no idea if I've done this right - but its definitely helped me to be able to share - even if only one person reads this! Thank you :)
Bye for now
xx
