I'm marginally less rant-y now. I'm still furious with God, but not with anyone else. I understand that my parents' way of coping with my mum's cancer (carrying on as normal) is working with them and is probably infinitely better than them falling apart. I get that, I really do. I'm still worried about the fact that they're not talking to me or my brother though - it makes me concerned my mum's trying to hide it from us when she's not coping so well. Again, when I look at the situation objectively I understand why she would want to do that, but I want to help. I want to be able to help support her when she's not feeling like she's on top of everything. When I called her yesterday on mother's day, it sounded like she was crying on the other end of the phone. She was still talking quite chirpily, but it sounded forced and I've pretended not to be crying on the phone enough in the last few months to know what it sounds like. How do I let her know that she can talk to me? I know the answer to that question will be just to say it, but it doesn't feel that easy when we've never been a family that talks about personal feelings, and I'm worried that if she is putting on a happy front with me and my brother, it would be going against her wishes to try and break through that. I'm also worried that given my fragile emotional state, if I try to talk to her about it I'll completely break down and make her feel worse by making her worry about me.
