Why can't I seem to get answers. My lovely husband was struck down with osephagal cancer in september. He had 3 cycles of EOX chemo. By november he seemed to be getting back to his old self. Then over xmas he started to get ill again. Had CT scan the little blighter had targeted his liver, where it was a little bit it was getting worse. his tummy swelled up like his was 9 months pregnant (now that would be an immaculate conception). He had ascites (fluid in the tummy) they put in a drain and drained off 6 litres of fluid. Started a different lot of chemo, had one cycle and feeling much better. Had constipation then diarrohea, but finally all sorted now and managing his pain ok with patch. Have pallative man visit each week, been very helpfull. left him chatting while I went to work. When came home he had told hubby not too cut down his pain relief (he wanted to cut down as feel ok) leave as is. then told him that he should sort things out while he is ok to do this. I was gobsmacked, only monday doctor was very pleased with him, and his progress. So where are we going, I am completely new to cancer. I was so pleased that he was getting better, now I am in limbo again, do we plan for future or just go back to living day by day. I just feel like I want to cry all the time, which is not an option. I am trying to be strong, I only work 1.5 hours per day, I was going to give up work but he said that he wanted me to carry on, which I have been doing, although sometimes I feel that I need to be 2 people. Am I being selfish, I feel like it I am so tired all the time. Well finished moaning and feeling sorry for myself I will go now, feel better just typing this even if no one reads it. Jennie