I was looking forward to meeting the consultant surgeon, but about 5 minutes before setting off started to get rather nervous. I guess since having the good news last week that scans were clear (no cancer in lungs, liver, etc) that I had been very upbeat and expecting the best possible outcome. The nervousness was probably because although an optimist I am also a realist (well, some of the time) and I know that the treatment even in a very treatable cancer is no walk in the park.
Now I am in the position of wondering quite how much to put up for public consumption, and how much to keep for private forums/messages. Basically the emotional bit of the story is to do with the tumour being low. Because the surgeon will be looking to remove tissue surrounding the cancer to ensure removing it all, then there may not be enough tissue left between the removal site and the muscles that are so critical to function. A possible outcome? A colostomy. (A month ago I would never have expected anything like this to be part of my life for at least 30 years).
It is probably good that I've been reading some of the forum posts. Whilst this is a really daunting prospect, and I am sad at the thought my body will never be the same again, it is reassuring to know that so many people have got on with their lives in such a positive way after this procedure.
OK. That's enough of that. The likelihood of what my post-surgery life will entail is not possible to predict right now. First of all I have to get on with the radiotherapy and hope for as much shrinkage of the tumour as possible. Then we can start to properly contemplate the surgery (which may be about 3 months from now according to the surgeon). One thing about the surgery I was quite pleased about however, is that it should be keyhole. I think neater and less likely to mess up anything else internally?
On a different far more positive matter, some friends still don't know that B now has a job starting at beginning of July for 6 months (hurray and thank goodness!). Work uncertainty was bad enough before this diagnosis. Now at least he is set up in the short term and the research is really interesting; something he's very keen to do.
Well, that's me for now. Next appointment should be with the oncologist overseeing the radiotherapy. Date TBC....
