I was so much looking forward to....... ( don't read if you are a bit down as it wont help )

Oh toaster,

You have a good scream and a shout and a bit of a cry if you feel like it.  It is one of the huge frustrations of caring that you just can't plan any more, days out, mini breaks, even a meals with friends are just so difficult to organise. We wasted so much money buying tickets for something or paying for a couple of days away just to have to cancel and I went through phases of saying no to everyone and everything because I didn't want to phone and cancel. I can understand your frustration.  You need a break and want a change and you can't have it. AAgggghhhh.

 It isn't selfish, you aren't wishing for things just for yourself, you are wishing for them for both of you. You are being deprived of a couple of days normality with your husband and no wonder you are fed up. You gave the tickets to your friends, how unselfish is that!  (and we have done that before now and there wasn't a problem, hopefully it will be the same for your friends. You aren't selling the tickets on you are gifting them)

Maybe you could ask a good friend to come over this evening if your husband is in bed and share some laughter, a good film, a glass of wine, whatever will give you a break from the stress of daily life or arrange a night out with friends - something to look forward to. You deserve it!

Sending an understanding hug your way, Hiloa

Hello first I would like to say your not selfish more like selfless.Caring is one of the hardest jobs and it can lead to battle fatigue especially when your trying to do it all yourself.Having something to look forward to or even just an hour or so to yourself can bring a glimmer of light into your life and help you recharge your batteries.It does sometimes feel that when you least need it everything that can go wrong does.It maybe time to get others to help to give you some respite even if it's just a few hours every so often to give you a breathing space.And I think anyone would have felt deprived having to give up something you where looking forward to so please don't beat yourself up over that.If a good cry will help then do it then dry your tears and ask others to help where they can I can only send you a virtual huge warm hug I'm sorry it's not more Cruton xxx

I agree. You are not a "bad carer". I gave up so much of myself, my life, everything, for the person I love. There were times I wanted to do things, but I was wracked with guilt at even thinking of going out for an evening. Laing allowed my the opportunity to go to Hereford as  friend of mine had a pice performed at the Three Choirs there. I don't think we ever were in as much constant contact, FaceTime, text, e-mails, calls, etc as we were that weekend.

I am still grateful to Laing allowing me the opportunity to go and give support to a friend and an honest opinion of his composition. After then I decided I would not go to the gym any more, not until he or I got better, I decided to spend as much time together as possible, I decided to offer to do the heavy shopping or do the humping when Ocado delivered. As each day passed after that trip, I spent more time dedicated to Laing. I don't regret nor do I resent one single moment. I still had my selfish moments. I am guilty about them still.

We carers have to cut ourselves some slack, but devotion and duty (what old-fashioned concepts, and I am not meaning that negatively or pejoratively) to Laing was my number one priority. In that, I believe I did the best I could. If it wasn't good enough, then I can only say, "Mea culpa. I am only human".