So, this is me, as the song says.
60 years old (likes to behave younger), midwife, nurse, wife to lovely husband, 2 kids, 30 year old twins.
Semi retired lives in South East, very fortunate with support systems, income etc.
Ive been obese all my life, and 16 years ago had a gastric band operation, lost weight reasonably well but 16 years later slowly regaining it all.
Soooo in January this year i travelled to Turkey to have a gastric bypass. Possibly not the best decision ive ever made !!!
Anyways surgery was ok, care was fair, recovered ok, but basically they over shortened my small bowel and my pancreas prorested, probably as a result of 2 weight loss surgeries and i was llefy with chronic diarrhoea and a severe pancreatic insufficiency. Basically means taking dozens of pills everyday and needing to know where the loo is at all times.
So, to the positives, lost weight really easily, dont have to worry about what i eat as it now goes straight through !!! At speed !!!
As a result of all this "crap" i got scooped up by the amazing NHS and when i got my breast cancer diagnosis was on the verge of finding out if i could have a revision surgery to try and improve the diarrhoea etc.
So to the BC bit !!!
No family history, no problems ever in that department.
Was in the shower 6 weeks ago and felt what id describe as a big lump.
I was like how can there be nothing 1 day and a huge lump the next.
Did a GP consultation immediately, but thought maybe it was a cyst, as it came up so fast.
1 week to see GP, 10 days for an USS, 3 weeks for the histology results.
The biopsy smarted, my poor left bosom. First deflated by weight loss, now stabbed by biopsy needle 
Think i mostly knew when my breast clinic appointment was listed as 20 minutes with the senior consultant 
Went with my husband, and told TNBC stage 2. Found the consultant too old and patriarchal for me, i knew he was drip feeding me information and it just infuriated me !!!
Saw a lovely BC nurse who told me a bit more, went for bloods including BRACA, a no brainer for me as i have a daughter and sister.
Went home and basically fell apart.
Couldn't sleep, couldn't see anyone without crying, googled obsessively, needed to understand everything about BC in 24 hours, madness !!!
Telling my daughter was the worst, wasn't going to mention BRACA, but she asked me outright, horrible !!
Now 1 week since diagnosis think my emotions might be coming under control.
Good days and bad, exacerbated by lack of sleep.
Im trying to do the correct things, exercising, mindfulness, sleep apps !!! But usually just end up drinking wine !! Probably what put me here in the 1st place.
Im still at the Ffs stage, why me, its a young women's breast cancer etc etc
Also have a coincidental ovarian cyst issue which now has to be investigated urgently just in case !!!!
So today have axillary USS, 3D mammogram and a gynaecology appointment.
So much to look forward to !!! Don't know whether to get my knickers or bra off first 
Ive got the wrong wardrobe (too many dresess and jumpsuits), and im too vain.
Love my hair dye, gel nails, clothes etc. Chemo is likely to take it all alway, i know its temporary but dreading it.
Mind you not as much as i dread mastectomy if lumpectomy wont do the job, love my nipples and might as well give up sex without them !! Sorry TMI.
I know the weight loss surgery probably helpd me feel the lump, in my empty little saggy bosoms but so gutted that i did it to have a happier healthier middle/old age and now ive got BC !!!
Also dreading chemo with chronic diarrhoea already 
Worry about my husband who still works everyday, about how he's coping and my kids, but mostly worry about me and then feel guilty for doing so !!
Had an eyebrow tatoo consultation yesterday, keen to avoid the hard boiled egg look during chemo - see, sooooo vain !!!!
Really hoping i might get a clearer treatment plan soon. The waiting is the worst, ive pulled in every favour and pulled every string i can to push through my investigations ASAP. Feel a bit guilty for doing so but have worked in the nhs for 30 years so feel it owes me a few favours. Especially with the association between shift work and cancer !!!
Back soon, sorry for the language and self entitled attitude !!!
If anyone calls me a warrior or asks am i doing the Moonwalk I might just deck them 
