It started with pain in my back but with already suffering with Fibromyalgia I thought it was just extra pain to cope with but this time in my back,As the day carried on the pain gradually got worse and by evening I hit agony!..I have never rung an ambulance for myself but the pain was so bad I was climbing the walls,rushed into hospital..the hours and days passed with all the tests ext,..sent home and a couple of days later rushed back into hospital with increasing pain,After screaming in agony for what felt like hours but was more likely 2-3hrs I was at last given pain relief and admitted,Waiting for test results and expecting it to be related to the Fibromyalgia a doctor approached me as I was sat beside my bed,..He asked ME if there was somewhere more private that we could talk (why ask me?hes the doc)..All I could think about was a small room I noticed that the ward used to store furniture and thats where we went, I looked at the doctor and asked "So whats the verdict doctor".. He calmly said "You have Cancer".. Not quiet taking in what he had just said the only thing that next came out of my mouth was "So how long have I got to live and should I tell my family?... He calmly said "you have 3 to 5years and yes you should tell your family,..ok!!.."..I looked at him and said "Thank you" and he walked away...I was left sat in a chair in a back store room...in shock!!..Just trying to register what I had just been told...Was this how it was meant to be?..How I was supposed to be told.?.Should I be alone?.. What do I do now?...I was left there alone having just been told I have a death sentence and I couldnt take in what had just happened..I try to remember the doctors name,..What he looked like..,Where he went when he left me.. I could only think to call my sons and partner,get them to the hospital..I needed someone..ANYONE...to help me out of this deep dark hole that a doctor had so flippantly had thrown me into and walked away,That man had just told me I was going to DIE..to leave my sons and grandchildren,..my mum,shes old,in her 80s,She needs me,my sons who I have always said and felt were my whole world,my reason to be here,after the divorce from their father I had to be both parents,How will my partner manage without me,He has P.T.S.S,ive been his carer for years,my grandchildren are only little,I havent been a grandmother long enough,I want to watch them grow,Im in my 50s,I dont want them to watch me die as I watched my own father die of the same disease.To this day I still wonder IS THIS REAL??...
