Ugh!

Hi SKW, So sorry you are having such a hard time.

My husband was the exact same when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I believe he was trying to hide his own feelings as it was as frightening for him as it was for me.

After I had surgery and came home I asked him how he felt and he told me I had enough to worry about without adding to it with how he was feeling. He refused point blank to tell me and to this day, never has and it has been over 7 years.

Right now I am suffering from really severe depression and he doesn't seem to understand it, simply because he has never gone through it himself. I find it annoying sometimes that he makes light of it, but I think it is his way of trying to cheer me up. Unfortunately, someone who has never experienced depression doesn't understand that it's not just about getting cheered up, although, I know they mean well.

You are not a freak! You are going through a horrendous time in your life and that is where this site is really useful. You will always find a listening ear and someone who will understand how you are feeling and willing to give support. It's not always easy to talk to those closest to us, that is something we all know about. Please continue to come on here and offload whenever you want.

Best wishes, Christine xx

hi hun

i am a one parent family with grown up children youngest indoors is 16 and my daughter is 20 my eldest son actually told me when i was waiting on my verification of my diagnosis that i was to stop being such a drama queen and the other day when i shaved all my hair off he came in and told me i suited it them said i looked like pat butcher which so hurt me he thought it was funny i feel sorry for him is that the way he is coping with it all well all i can say is i so hope he never has to go through what i am right now i dont have anyone to share my thoughts with in my family for fear of one of them making fun of me so thank god for this site and all the lovely people on here for me i can chat to or message or just put my blog on when i need a wee moan love n hugs jen xxxx

Dear SKW, don't beat your partner up - he doesn't mean to sound trite - he's doing his best.  No-one knows how you feel, we only know how we individually feel when faced with cancer.  We can read your blogs though and there's always someone on here with the same symptom/treatment/hell you are going through - so we can empathise and hopefully help you get through this period.  Good luck, lots of strength and welcome.  Ann x

Hi SKW

I do empathise with you, my husbands is the same,if i mention any of my worries or aches and pains he will say something to minimise what i am feeling and a appear to just act like i am making a fuss, but i realise it on the one hand its his attempt at promoting positive thinking and on the other hand its a man thing sort of denial, either way it can be annoying, which is why i love this site you dont want to worry your loved ones but some times you just need to let it all out and you can here, there plenty of people experiencing the same or worse but all know the fears and loneliness that cancer can bring! LOL Lynnxxxxxxxxxxx

Sometimes I feel it is a shame some of the partners don't come on here and read the comments!  I know my husband is very supportive, but never discusses how he feels himself, and what the future will be for him when I'm gone.. Sometimes I feel he would be better to open up his feelings, but unfortunatley 'that's men for you' and as long as he is there for me when I need him I am grateful.  So many partners seem to want to ignore it although it is not happening which is not the best thing to do.

Stay positive and keep happy.

love n hugs

Viv