How to cope with things-i'm scared

Less than one minute read time.

FormerMember

23 Sep 2009

My Dad is very poorly at the moment with pancreatic cancer. He spends most of his time sleeping. Some days he is able to still get up but only for a short time, he spends more and more time sleeping sometimes going into a confused coma like state. We have been told by the nurses that this is something that could happen and one day we may not be able to wake him.

I am starting to panic a little about how to cope when Dad dies. How do I cope and stay strong for my Mum, my sister, my children when I will be falling to pieces inside. I'm scared I can't do it, how do you hold people together when you are all grieving?

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi, Carolyn

I'm sorry you're feeling so frightened. I've not been in this position, because my dad died suddenly of a heart attack when he was only 59 years old.

I don't know if it helps, but please try to focus on what you can do now to make his life, your Mum's, and your life as good as it can be, day to day. You have the opportunity to say things to your dad that would like him to know - that he's been the best possible dad? that you love him and always will? - I don't know what it is you want to tell him, but you will know.

Yes, you will grieve and miss him when he has gone, but please do not waste energy worrying how you will cope because, believe me, you will. Try to take a day at a time. And remember, you don't have to 'stay strong' - the strongest people can cry, and it gives other people the chance to cry, too, and show that they care.

With lots of love

Bronwen x
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hello Carolyn ((((hugs))) Im so sorry your Dad is unwell with this evil disease. I can understand how you are feeling. This is a terrible time for you but please remember you are grieving like everyone else and no one will expect you to be strong for them, even though i know you want to..I bet you are one of these lovely people who is always caring for someone..(((hugs))) You don`t need to hold everyone to together Carolyn just be there and grieve together, its only natural that you will cry too and you will need support from your family....You will all support eachother in your own ways, thats what makes families so important.

Your children will carry you through this I promise, and the love you all have for eachother.

Some days you will be the strong one, and some days you will crumble and it will be someone elses turn to pick you up.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

love scarlet x
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thank you Bronwen and Scarlet for your lovely kind words, I have read both your blogs several times, through my tears, it is so lovely to know there are people out there that understand and help to ease peoples pain. I cannot tell you how it has made me feel that people I do not know have taken the time to care and write to me, thank you so much, your words of comfort and support I know will help me and I am sure I will read them many more times.

Love Carolyn x
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