I wanted to write a bit about the value of a support group. I feel that they are worth their weight in gold for so many reasons for whatever reason they exist. Support groups are so special because of the shared common experiences, goals or issues that bring you to that group.
I certainly notice so many similarities between my experiences of the Macmillan support group, the support group where I volunteer (who help people with learning disabilities or mental health issues) and the group I run for women with Turner’s Syndrome although they are all so different and exist for completely different reasons.
Camaraderie is such a valuable thing and in a support group people are generally less exclusive to new people than they might be outside that group because of the understanding of everyone’s need to be there. It can sometimes seem to new people that the group seems clicky or that everyone seems to know each other so well that it will be hard to get in and make friends but this is simply because everyone gets to know each other so much quicker and are more open with other that relationships build up. People have known each other for less time than it first appears to a new person and it means that it will also be possible for that person to make friends as quickly too. I have found it so paralleled in Macmillan and the TS group even though it’s experience of cancer that binds us together in Macmillan and experience of a medical condition binding us together in the TS group.
I also notice that people can be very good at helping carry each other through times of strength and weakness. When people are stronger they help pull people who are not feeling as strong through and when they in turn feel less strong they are pulled through by people who are then feeling stronger. I notice it a lot in Macmillan that people having a good day will cheer up the people having a bad day and the next night it can be reversed. In the TS group we all help each other through the highs and lows of what we may be experiencing. I notice that where I volunteer at the Fircroft Trust, the people who are more capable support those who need more help.
I think this seems to happen more within all 3 groups I am involved in than I see outside the groups. Although every single friendship in our lives is very valued and very special to us, outside what we share with the friends we make in our group it may not be as easy to share the issues relating to the reason we are in that group. Friends outside Macmillan will find it harder to relate to issues surrounding cancer, friends outside our TS group will find it harder to relate to issues surrounding Turner’s and friends outside the Fircroft Trust (probably including me) will find it harder to relate to issues surround the mental health issues that the service users have.
In life there are always ‘Venn Diagrams’ as we learn in maths – they show us the logical relationships of sets (or collections) to each other and that means overlaps of sets or sets within sets. Every friendship we have is part of our ‘Venn Diagram’ because we all need lots of ‘sets’. But when you need a network of support that is ‘set’ specific, if you don’t have anyone in that same set it is a very lonely place to be in respect of that ‘set’. I felt very alone about a lot of issues regarding Turner’s before I found how to build the ‘set’ of friends and without the building of the set of friends in Macmillan I know for sure that it was the only thing that stopped me from feeling the most alone I have ever felt in my life after losing Dad.
Although sets do overlap and exist side by side, the way that one set may not (except where overlapping) be able to connect with another is the reason that there is no single big set – people in one set may say insensitive things or things that show that there is no connection with another (however unintentionally). My family is one of the most important ‘sets’ that I have and strongest sets I have but still it doesn’t always overlap! This is the reason that I never want to live with an empty set. I feel so positively about the support that I can give when I feel stronger and even more so about the support that I receive when I feel less strong in all of the sets of my Venn Diagram. I feel very thankful to have such wonderful friends and beautiful people in my life in every set that I know them, be they family, friends from Macmillan, friends from the TS group, friends from school who share a common convent school experience, friends from work who share a common experience of a particular working environment etc etc.
But support groups are extra special because they have been created and designed to be filled and to grow, and designed to make us feel that we are not alone. That’s the power of support and the reason support groups are worth their weight in gold.
