It's my discharge day. I didn't sleep. I never could. I've tried 1 pillow, 2 pillows, 5 pillows, all to no avail. What's the point of those blankets? You may as well just wrap them round your legs before going to bed. But the thing that has had me worried all the time, is not the chap in the opposite me who looks like he wants to kill me, it is getting the back of the bed to rise, without the bottom of the bed lifting as well. I'm stuck in a U shaped nightmare. The chap next to all of a sudden starts to talk. No one has uttered a word all week. Mainly because 3 of us had Trachy tubes and the other guy next to me thinks that because we couldn't talk, we couldn't hear.. He says.(as I'm lying there with my feet above my head).... "You know what your doing wrong there don't you"? Wow...If only I had given the response I wanted to..instead I say "No not really". " You have to hold the feet button at the same time as raising the back".... Well thanks a bunch. He'd watched me for 5 weeks acting like Mr Bean, trying to sort the bed. I thank him very much, but decide to stay as I am, hunched up, just to make it seen as though this is the way I want it.
It's 6:30am. The nurses reappear after their all night game of Poker. It's Blood Pressure time. I unwind from the bed. I ask it their is any news on my green socks. Apparently not, still, there's time. I explain that I'm going home soon. She looks a bit perplexed....I persist...I enquire what time will I be given the Ok to go. She is not sure, but says she will find out. There is no reason why I should not be discharged. The Dieticians think I'm eating 10 roast dinners a day and physio seems happy, if surprised that I go and run 5 miles after lunch. The doctors seemed happy for me to released into the community. About 9:00 am, a new Sister comes to see me. She is smiling..That's odd I think. She says "Your off home today then"? ....I say that I am, but I haven't been told a time. She explains that I just have to wait for my medication to come back from the Pharmacy. Now, for those of you that have ever stayed in hospital, these words fill you with dread. It will be a long wait.
To cut a long story short, at 4pm, I get the green light. I text my wife. I haven't spoken to her since the operation. It was mainly out of embarrassment it think. in my mind my voice sounds weird and not comprehnsible.She drives the 20 miles in a time Damon Hill would be proud of. I'm told she is outside the ward doors. I drag my suitcases and enough medication to start my own Vets Practjce, to the door. I say Hi, as that is easy and try to give her a kiss. I can't purse my lips. Well kissing was not part of my rehab in hospital. I would have thought learning how to kiss again would be more beneficial than mouthing A, E, I O, U, but who am I to question it. We drive home.. So much to say, So much to catch up on...pass me that A4 pad...
Ok, I may have been flippant on this part. But to be honest, looking back, I was treated differently because I couldn't speak. It certainly gave me an insight into those people who have lost their voice due to Cancer. You almost want a sign above you saying that you are a fully functioning person. It is so difficult to put emphasis on certain word of phrases when you are writing them. The bed incident is totally true. Five weeks I struggled with the damn thing.
When I was in there there was coming and going so I witnessed the "pharmacy wait" before it happened to me. It's a horrible time as you don't have a clue what's going on and you are desperate to leave.
What I hope I am doing is adding a bit of humour to real situations. I joke About the nurses playing poker. We all know that the majority of nurses are brilliant and I hope no one takes offense. But it does go quiet at night and it's much more fun thinking of them playing poker than doing paparwork.
To be continued
