I don't know why I should feel compelled to put it in writing maybe its because if I say everything thats in my head to one person its overload and i will go under. Its hard [as i am sure everyone knows] to really let go when i have days where everything seems black. i have a good family and fantastic mates but there is only so much they can understand and sympathise with. iread on someones blog about being in a dark place I suppose only those who have faced this truly knows what it means. I just feel I have to put that down . I will be going for a bone scan and a ct scan tomorrow cos i have 4 lymph nodes involved apparently if it was only 3 i would not have a scan 4 is the cut off point,i know the line has to be somewhere but it doesn't stop the worry then if everything checks out i will start chemo on thurs i felt i had to unload before i go to bed on a large g&t as it might be the last one i have for a while.
