My annual check up is coming up this month with my breast surgeon who lets face it saved my life!!!
I think he sees me as one of his many personal triumphs as he always calls me his star patient, I think that is because I was never one of those types to question anything, I just did as I was told and got on with it, treatment that is, now its a different story, I want to question everything!! maybe it comes from age and having a little more knowledge about cancer.
I am not worried about my check up, mammograms don't really bother me although they are not my idea of fun they are necessary part of my life now.
I have been going up to the Western Hospital in Edinburgh to get help coming to terms with having had cancer which I had diagnosed in Feb 2004.
Its been strange going back there because I had my second round of chemo there and my radiotherapy. I remember going for my second lot of chemo (having had the first lot in another hospital) which was taxotere, this was explained to me as a mop up, because there had been so many nodes involved they wanted to throw everything they had at me to try and stop it spreading.
Sitting in the chemo suite is quit an experience and I'm a bit of a people watcher as there is not a lot else to do while they pump you full of the good stuff.
At first I used to play the game hunt the wig I think you all probably know that game by now! Then you get the nervous smiler, the lady who knits or lets hide behind the book that I am not really reading!
One of the few times I ever became frightened in the chemo suit was when I stopped playing these games, I stopped and took a look at those women. Have you ever had the feeling that the worlds gone and left you behind?That's what I saw in their eyes and for the first time I thought oh god I'm in a bit of shit here, this is serious stuff.
So yesterday when I walked through the waiting room and there was the ladies with the wigs on and the walking sticks and the puffed up faces, I took a moment very briefly to smile at everyone with that knowing smile that we all share now.
So a note to all you ladies that may be starting out on that road just remember to stop and smile.
Much love Ruby xxx
