Hi all - time for an 'emotions' update. Weeks ago, before my diagnosis, a colleague of my partner invited us to a Mexican themed get-together at her house. I had even bought a 'chilli pepper' outfit for the event (everyone else went as a Mexican Bandit). Come Saturday, the day of the event, I was completely torn about whether or not to turn up. I half wanted to go because it was a chance to forget everything, and yet I knew that there would obviously be questions which might ultimately bring me 'down' and result in me wanting to go home early. Being around people is something which I currently struggle with. My partner eventually persuaded me to give it a go, so we got dressed up and headed out, and I have to say that for those few brief hours, I had a really lovely time, because there had obviously been some 'agreement' not to bombard me with questions. Later in the evening I did talk about it with some people, which I think was easy as I don't know these people too well. I was surprised to find that I was enjoying myself. I didn't drink any alcohol as I've already started my health kick, but despite that I had an OK time. We only stayed out for a few hours, but I went home with a smile on my face. Of course, the following day I went back to being a bit mopey, but for a few hours I saw the possibility that it might all be ok eventually.
I visited my Dad this weekend too, and I can see the concern on his face because I'm not really being myself. I'm much quieter than normal and find it easier to plough all my energies into my son rather than face questions about my health. My Dad took my son golfing today, so I took the opportunity to take a walk to the seafront. Good God it was cold! I find that walking really helps me as I'm able to just concentrate on the activity, and let my head clear. In fact, not just walking, any activity that means I get out of breath a little. It just helps.
So... that's where I am currently. It helps to write it all down and I hope I'm not boring everyone.
Hope x
