It is the third day since my mum passed away. Ad still in total shock. Whilst my mum was alive I couldn't comprehend the thought of one day her not been her and would break down if she mentioned it even in a light hearted way. Less than a year agoi was talking to a friend about how one day cancer would kill my mum and cried hysterically for 3 hours......I haven't cried nearly as much.
In October 2008 my mum was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, after being treated, fighting so hard and shooing the cancer out of her body she was given the all clear. Having restarted her life in Wales and living life to the full in February 2011 my mum started getting a pain in her shoulder, carrying on in her usual way and getting on with life though at time the pain would halt her in her tracks and disable her. My mum saw multiple doctors, had a ct scan of the area, a bone scan and saw a consultant in case it was rumatoid arthritis but nothing emerged it gotto the point where one consultant referred her to a psychiatrist because they thought we couldn't let go of having cancer. Even friends told her to "move on from the illness". In the summer Of 2011 my mum mentioned she had numbness in her arm but never complained once, it was only when I saw her and saw she couldnt write or hold a knife that i saw how it was! Eventually she lost all use and it was only when she went to the doctor and highlighted the rippling pain she was in that she was referred to a oncologist who booked ina scan straight away....in October 2011 my mum was told she had a reoccurrence in her shoulder. The cancer had hooked onto a nerve in her shoulder abd was too deep to remove. I drove her a 5 hour round trip for rads for 10days and then onto chemo, she was so determined to live and at times i could see she was in crippling whimpering pain but she carried onto. Last Tuesday after a coincidently trip into hospital she took a turn for the worse and the doctor concluded the cancer had spread to her brain and she was given hours to live. In a paralysed state it was horrendously hard to see her suffer but she kept holding on for three days after which she passed away.
My mum was an incredible person so it seems so unfair that she has been stolen away for something so undeserved. My only comfort at the moment is that she is no longer in pain, if the cancer hadn't spread so quick she was always going to be in pain for the remainder of her life. She was so strong and would try her hardest not to let it show, apologising if she spent a day in bed or couldnt mange to leave the house.
My mum was my best friend, a lovely, kind and unbelievably generous person. At only 49 she had her life ended and at 22 if lost the most important thing in my life and nothing will ever ever will replace her.
:(
Hello Sunshine, I've just read about your sad loss - here I was ranting about my reconstruction being cancelled 3 times and there is your mum who just wanted to be with you. Your grief will be so raw and I wish you all the strength in the world to cope. You will never get over the loss of your mum but, given time, you will learn to live for yourself and that is what, as a mother myself, she would want from you. One day you will be glad to be here, you will fall in love, have children and your mum will be so thankful she brought you into the world. Today, you are griefstricken and my heart goes out to you. If I can be of any help at all i.e. just coming on here to write about your feelings, I hope I can give you a tiny feedback by sharing your tears. Take it one day at a time. Nutcracker (Ann)
Dear Sunshine. You poor, poor girl. I am 48 and have just lost my mum. I feel so cheated, my mum, like yours, was my best friend. To see you at 22 going through the same thing - heartbreaking.
I don't even know how to say something that will comfort you. I can tell you that the first few weeks were desperate and I have cried and cried. Two months on I still cry every day but the really bad memories of her last few days don't dominate so much and I can think back more to happier times.
Take each day at a time. You will probably never get over it but you will learn to live life again and I am sure she is watching over you.
Hugs
