sorry to hear your very sad news, I suppose you need to ask your Mum what she would like to ask? Always write things down that you want to ask as beleive me you will forget everything you intended to ask, as your mind with be like blancmange. I know as my husband has been fighting bowel cancer for four years. You can always ask for a second opinion, your entitled to one. Remember try not to be intimidated by the consultant as many people are, especially the maturer genaration (possibly like your mum), my mum has been horrified by the questions that I have asked over the years but my husband is still here after they only gave him 12 motnhs to live. It is emotionally waring but worth it in the end. Take the time to research your Mums disease as knowledge can be a powerful tool. I have felt that many times that if I had not been strong and insistant for my husband he would definatley not be here. They werent going to operate on my husband and remove the primary tumour as it had already spread and they said that he could die on the operation table. At which point I produced research from America/France which proved that having the tumour removed would improve his quality of life, as he would not have been able to go to the loo and become blocked up. The other point of the research was that America etc, have a longer survival rate because they always operate to remove primary tumours in bowel cancer. Low and behold they operated on him a few days later, he is adamant that he would not be around now but for having the tumour removed. However, we have a very good relationship with the Drs and they respect the fact that I will actually research and find out things for myself. Very good luck with your Mums appointment and I hope all goes well.
I think Sars has covered the field of questions. Although before asking question 4 you need to ask your mum if she wants to know the answer if not talk about this without her present.
My mum has bowel cancer too. She has had radiotherapy and a Stoma operation. Again this is terminal for my mum again my mum lost my dad/her husband in Jan07 as she was diagnosed Dec08. If you need to chat/rant or ask some questions do not hesitate to get in touch.
Know how your feeling right now, and I'm so sorry.
Take a pen and writing pad with you tomorrow, there'll be things the consultant will say that you just wont take in and better to write it down and go back to it at a later date.
When we were told that my husbands condition was terminal we sat and had the 'difficult' conversation one evening so that I could make sure my husband had everything he needed when he needed it as he also had secondary brain tumours, so we were unsure how this would take hold.
Through tears and the odd bit of laughter we sorted out what he wanted and how it was to happen so that I knew that he would have the best possible care. We even managed to sort out what he wanted when the worst happened, this was extremely difficult for us both to sit through and deal with but we ensured that everthing was written down so we could both be assured that we knew what and when to do things. In away it made us face the reality but it also helped in that it gave me a proactive approach when he was feeling things were a little difficult and he didn't want to speak and just looked at me knowing I already knew the answers.
As for questions to ask the consultants cancer research and macmillian both have very good advice as to the kinds of questions to ask at particuar points. Jot them down in a notebook as these meetings can feel a bit overwhelming and at least you can remember what you want to ask. I also made notes during these meetings as what we were told often generated more questions by the time we had digested what was said so these new questions can then be recorded and asked at the next appointment.
