Hit us like a smack in the teeth!

1 minute read time.

Yesterday (Wed 7 Sep 11), my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer derived from her bowel.  She has been unwell for a number of years, has cirosis of the liver, anaemia, diabetes, polyps plus a number of other complaints.  The doctors have given her months to live which is difficult to comprehend, I mean, how long is a piece of string? 

We are all naturally devastated but trying to remain positive and enjoy the rest of her life.  She has four grandchildren aged 3 - 8 and is shell-shocked.  She recently lost her husband (Oct 10) and has not been looking after herself, i.e. she does not eat properly and rarely takes exercise.  I am obviously worried that she will give up.  I have no idea how the next few months will unfold or how quickly or degrading the deterioration will be.  Fortunately, there is plenty of support locally. 

It all just seems so quick, although she has had a colonoscopy in the recent past (Jun 11) which apparently did show cell alteration, no cancerous cells were discovered until CT scans were conducted last week.  Three biopsies were also taken and the doctors are not confident of either surgery or chemotherapy as her liver may not be strong enough to accept the treatment. 

Any help, information or support offered would be most welcome.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Ps,

    Welcome to the Macmillan Family support Group. Sorry

    about the circumstances. I spent 5yrs in the R.A.F.  Air Traffic Control.

    Your Mum must have gone through a very rough time

    losing her husband and then to be hit with her own Illness.  But it sounds like she has a very loving and caring

    Family around her.  Which is what she will need over the coming months,Plenty of love ,comfort. support and understanding, and just knowing that you will be there if she needs you. will give her peace of mind.

    Its not going to be easy for your family. All I can do is wish you well. Take care of eachother. If you want to have a talk there is always someone here to listen.

    Take care and be safe Sarsfield.xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Very sorry to hear that PS but here you will find people  very supportive.Hopefully the grandkids will keep your Mum going (besides the rest of you of course).Make sure you look after yourself xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Well, that truly was a smack in the teeth!  Your poor mum has, from what you say, suffered many years with poor health and to lose her husband (if she's anything like me my husband is a pain in the backside but he's my heart) is a terrible shock to go through.  The hospital will only treat your mum if she's able to cope with the medicine and they obviously feel she isn't so, you obviously think the world of your mum.  Ask her what she wants, make sure the Mac nurses are available and let her grandchildren see their gran as much as possible as I am sure she is a big part of their lives and they will want to be able to share this sad time as a family.  I say this from experience as a child once who always seemed to be left out of a major part of life - death.  I send you and your mum/family all the strength in the world to get through this stage with as little suffering for your mum as poss.  We are all here at Macland to welcome you and listen to you, whether you want to rant, laugh, cry or just write it down for someone to read who will know what cancer is like.  Ann x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi there,

    I am sorry you find yourself in this situation, you're right, it's like a smack in the teeth. We thought my dad needed a hip replacement and in one week we went from hip replacement to bone cancer to terminal lung cancer with secondaries to the bones. I didn't see that one coming I can tell you. All I can really suggest is that you be with your mum. Take your lead from her as to what she wants to do and spend as much time as you can enjoying the little things and making new memories. This is a great place to come for advice or a rant, we've all taking a kicking from cancer in one way or another and if you've a question, there's usually someone here with an answer. All the best and I hope your mum is holding up ok, love Vikki

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thanks for all your lovely comments.  She is bearing up remarkably well, although, I think whatever tablets she is taking to help her sleep have something to do with that.  One concern is that she has not been alone since the diagnosis, clearly my sister and I both work so can't be with her all the time.  She does have friends around her though and, once we see the Consultant on Thu, we should get a better idea of what's in store.  I'm trying to advocate her to live as normally as possible and for us not to treat her as sick, yet anyway.  As she does live alone, being on her own will be necessary at times.

    Being in The Forces, I can't help but think practically and reading some of the leaflets: "Where to die?", etc. are pretty hard to cope with but, I guess, essential things to think about.  As is making the most of her time; she's already talking of selling her things and cancelling planned holidays and trips!  

    Another worry is that she'll simply give up; it's clear that throughout her life she has needed someone to look after: husband(s), kids, grand children, pets; looking after herself has always been secondary.  We're tried to make her understand the importance of regular exercise and eating 5-a-day but, I guess, 'we are where we are'.  I've read Lance Armstrong's books in the past and, the power of positive thinking is massive.  I hope she has the strength to keep going.  Phil x