Hate the world today and wish I could make John's cancer disappear. Has had five cycles of chemo and side effects seem to get worse each time. Is being sick and no appetite, permanently exhausted - sickness much better than it was but still vomiting at least once a day. John cannot tolerate much food either, managing to keep cereal down but not much else. Medics don't seem to be too concerned as John is taking in fluids. It is just so unbearable to see John suffering, has his last cycle of chemo next week then radiotherapy. He is being so strong and positive most of the time and I keep berating myself for being so selfish as John is the one who is suffering. Cancer is a cruel, horrible disease that affects the loveliest people. Have also been revisiting the "why did this happen stage" and driving myself crazy as there are no answers, and even if there were they wouldn't be any use. Everything seems like an insurmountable obstacle and I cry at the slightest thing - our son Liam has a cold today so is off school and even that made me cry!!
Feel a little better for getting that off my chest, must stay strong, tomorrow is another day.
FormerMember
Dear Angelus I know exactly how you feel my husband Tom hasn't started treatment yet and I have spent this morning at work chasing up the oncoligist dept to see when it starts. I still work while Tom feels well and I had managed 2days without sobbing until now! Your right this cruel disease doe's hit the loveilest people that includes you, me and our families so do what you have to do to keep sane.
I am sending you all my love and good wishes to you and yours
I'm sure simply writing down how you feel will be therapeutic. We may not be able to offer much practical advice but at least you know there is support from people on this site who have gone through it before you. On the practical front - have you tried these special milk shake style of drinks? I think they're called Fortisip and contain a range of easily digested nutrients. Whilst I haven't had chemo I have had illnesses which caused severe vomiting and found drinking small sips (of anything) through a straw was very helpful.
