Feel so down today and wonder, as I have done so many times, why the Cancer Curse has struck. Life is so unfair - I look at John and cannot understand why he is suffering so much. The consultant has postponed for a week John's sixth - and last - chemo as side effects are taking their toll. Chemo should have been next week, will now be week after - John wanted this as he has been feeling so poorly. He is being sick, has no appetite and has, subsequently, lost even more weight.
We just want our lives back to the way they were before this dreadful disease blighted our lives - is that too much too ask? Just feel like I am falling to pieces with the stress of it all and keep imagining what John's funeral will be like. I am trying so hard to be positive - like our son Liam, who is brilliant - but I wake in the night and think dark thoughts, which make me cry so hard. We will never be free of this spectre, will always be haunted by this blight on our lives and wonder how much more we can take. I know that we have to keep fighting but I sometimes wish that I could go to sleep, and then wake to realise that all of it is a bad dream. I wish, I wish.
FormerMember
Hi Angelus,
Sorry you're having such a hard time but there's been some good advice offered, especially from Marly and Daffie. If you can, enjoy the things you can enjoy and give yourselves little treats to look forward to, even if it's only renting a funny DVD or something and getting a takeaway.
When I was diagnosed, nearly 5 years ago, we both said, sod it, let's enjoy whatever time we have left together, and that's what we do. I'm lucky in that I don't feel unwell. I think if somebody is feeling very poorly most of the time, you have to watch like a hawk for the good days and take full advantage of them. Go out, visit friends, do something different if you can. You'll be surprised what a tonic it can be.
You'll never be able to turn back the clock and get your lives back as they were before cancer, but you can still enjoy a good quality of life if you put your minds to it. Don't let this thing beat you up too much, put two fingers up to it and defy it to piss you off. Go out for long walks, put your husband in a wheelchair is necessary.
Hi Angelus, I feel for you I really do. I have no real gems to offer you but my darling Ray and I got through by trying our best to do normal things on the good days. We set small goals at intervals as incentives to work towards. We used to like going to concerts so bought tickets weeks in advance in the hope he would be well enough to attend. I even made him book one 5 months in advance. The dark thoughts do encroach on your life but then it makes you feel guilty so best to push them to one side as soon as they arrive. (easier said than done). Take care love x x x we are all here for you x x x
