it is , with a heavy heart i sit here writing this , on wed my brave mum slipped away from us , the hardest thing is that we got to the hospice ten mins too late , it was very quick and unexpected as i spoke with the doctor earlier that day and she told me that she thought my mum had 2 weeks at most but they were not expecting it to be iminent, i saw her last at 8.30 pm and she was very sleepy and trying her best to talk to us but she was confused , my last words to her were . i love u mum , and she told me she loved me too , and we left , we got a call at 2.30 am to say we needed to get there but she sept away at 2.45 am ,with the hospice staff holding her hand , they said it was very peacefull and that she was not in any pain , her breathing changed at 2.10 am and she was non responsive , in a coma , they gave he some morphine just incase she was in any pain and she took her last breath at 2.45 am , we arrived at 2.55am , it is heart breaking,although i know my mum would not have wanted us to see her take her last breath as she knew how hard and how upset we would all be , she died on her younger sisters birthday , we are all devastated but in a way we are also relieved that her suffering has cme to an end , in the last 18 months she has had to endure the most imaginable things , surgery , chemo , radiotherapy, odema , blood clots , terrible sickness and in the last 2 months she had bowel obstruction which meant she was vomiting up faeces , up to 7 times a day , torture , if there is a god why does he let people suffer such things , my mum wanted to be given a pill to end it all and we were helpless, cancer is the worst illness ever , it ravages the body ,mind and soul , my mum was a carer all her life , she was devoted to her family , never smoked or drank and really looked after herself and for what , to be punished , i am so angry , , i would not wish what she suffered on my worst enemy , she never complained , the hospice and hospital staff called her the patient ,patient , to me she was my hero , i am so so proud of her and yet so so sad and angry and in pain , to watch someone u love suffer like that is something i will never ever get over . and now i just want to get through the funeral which i dunno how , how do u get through this , i gotta be strong for my kids but i dunno what is gonna happen wen its all over , how do u just carry on , i miss her so much and did not get the chance to tall her all the things i wanted to , i feel robbed , part of me wishes i could die with her , i know thats selfish but my heart is broken , she has been my rock all my life , and now she is gone , i am glad se is at peace now but i miss her so so much ...
