Feeling like a fraud

Hi Mummy Here I am on a Saturday night with Cora sound asleep tucked up in bed and I'm watching Saturday night tv (which thankfully is starting to get better). Im sat here reading peoples stories of their battles with such an evil disease and I feel like an idiot and that Im going to go to this appointment on Tuesday and waste their time when it could have been given to someone who really needed it. I know I need to get this thing, whatever it is, sorted. It's not just me my health affects now it affects Cora too but it still doesn't make this feeling any better to deal with especially as I read the leaflet the QA sent me and now I'm nowhere near scared as I was. I wish I had had Cora earlier so you could have met her but if that was the case then Cora may not have been Cora and I can't imagine not having her in my life at all and she wouldn't have your name as a middle name. When I was pregnant with her I knew straight away she was going to be a girl. I don't know how I knew I just knew. People say then can see you in her but I cant see it, I just see Cora. Every day I think 'what would you think of her?' 'What would you be saying to her?' 'How would you be with her?' It wasn't just your family and friends that were robbed of you any grandchildren that come along are robbed too and I feel like that for Cora. I know she will know no different and Alison loves her just as if she was her biological granddaughter and Cora loves her too there is Jo doubt about that but I just wish my princess could have you in her life too. I had a dream this morning whilst I was lying in as Cora stayed with Baz last night, I dreamed if my new house it was a bungalow but on different levels and it didn't look much from the outside but it was huge and modern inside and really nicely decorated just how I would have it. The master bedroom had a moving wall so I could have half for sleeping and half for living and Cora's room all was dusty pink with pink voile hanging down the walls and butterflies hanging from it while the walls were fairies painted on them and the furniture in her room was french white vintage wood style it was beautiful. I wonder if this place exists and it's on my price range hahahahaha. I would love it!!!! So if you could give me a hand in finding the perfect place for me and my girly I would very much appreciate it. I don't want much just 2 big double bedrooms really and a shower over the bath is all I really need :-) I will write to you again soon. Love you and miss you still. Xxxxxxxxxx