Having another lot of scans and xrays instead of a full mri scan or ct scan as oncologist said he doesn't think i should have too much radiation, but worried they will not show up anything suspicious!! I know I'm not a good candidate for any more chemo as it had an adverse effect on me making my blood pressure uncontrollable, so know my time on earth is limited but have so much to do and see and feel to young to go just yet, but really want to be given every chance, trouble is I'm in a very negative mood and often think about ending my life my self quickly then will not have to suffer all this heartache and pain but then I have to think of my kids and hubby, my mum and dad and gran and do not have the courage to do it as it would feel to guilty, I had so many plans this time last year and this bloody awful cancer had to change my life! At the moment I do not know which way to turn, especially as some of my so called good friends barely contact me now, guess they think they can catch kidney cancer! Anyway I know I have to face things but just don't have the courage at the moment!!!!
