I write this blog after crying to nurse in hospital.
This blog will be about how I’ve been feeling post mastectomy post being told the cancer has been removed.
4th June, that’s the date I had my mastectomy (post chemo) now I already blogged a little about that but to sum up the pain was unreal and if you’ve seen the previous posts you’ll know all about the tissue expander.
Skip ahead and I come out of hospital, I thought I’d be so happy but I had sh!t going on at home that was making me miserable and feel guilty.
Skip ahead again to find out the pathological results of the mastectomy which was basically clear, next step to start phesgo and from then I’ll be referred to the ladies clinic. So again I know I should be thrilled, no cancer, these are the words I’ve been manifesting since Christmas last year. But wait, Aftercare?! I thoug get we was done with treatment but the road just seems to go on and on.
Another reason I couldn’t jump with joy is because I physically couldn’t, struggled to even walk that day due to an infection.
and now I’ve had the tissue expander removed so just as I was getting some shape it’s been taken away. Honestly though, having one boob has been the least of my worries, I thought it would be the worst thing about this cancer sh!t and that’s why I initially opted for reconstruction but nah I’m not too fussed about being flat…although I do worry I will be depressed about it later down the road.
And so there’s a number of reasons I’m sad today. Could it help to list them?!…
*language barrier
*loneliness
*hair and boob gone (I’m not me when I look in the mirror) confidence is so low
*financial
*sometimes you need a good ol’ cry!
Todays mood 3/10
