Worried about my wifes ability to cope with her Mums Cancer

Hi Mark,

I'm sorry you've had to join the club none of us wanted to but I'm sure you'll find lots of support here. Do you know if your MIL is going to have treatment of some kind - surgery, radiotherapy, chemo? I'm not sure what stage 3 means in bowel cancer but if you join that Group you will get some idea of the issues involved.

Also, the Groups called "Being a Relative" and "Emotional Issues" are very helpful as people are dealing with similar problems. Someone there is sure to be able to offer advice/suggestions.

A cancer diagnosis is usually as much of a shock to the family as it is to the patient, so your wife's reaction isn't uncommon. It will obviously take time before she is able to deal with it. One of the ways to help her could be to encourage her to keep busy - the distraction technique. The less time for sitting and thinking the better at the moment. Looking to far ahead and trying to predict the future are mistakes we all make in this situation but honestly, the old cliche "take one day at a time" really applies here.

If you can get your wife to turn her attention to practical things for now, I'm sure that will help. I do hope you succeed, and please come here whenever you want to, someone will always be around to respond. You can rant, moan, even cry and no-one will mind in the least, because we've all been there.

With love and hugs,

Twirly xxx

Hello Mark.   I am very sorry to hear that and it certainly is a shock when cancer is diagnosed, so it's no wonder that your wife is feeling the way she is. You didn't say which cancer your mother-in-law has, but there are different groups for specific cancers here which you can join for more help and information. Also there are groups for carers and relatives where you will find a lot of support - don't forget that there is always Macmillan direct where you can talk to someone for further advise. Best wishes.

Joycee xx

Hi there,

Just to add, you could get your wife to join here too. Its sometimes hard to say how you feel to those around you as you don't want to upset them so talking to others on here in the same situation can really help.

I think its hard to hear anything sensible when you are shocked like this. She will come round in time as she sees her mum dealing with it. I was stage 3 and am still here and so are plenty others so depending on the cancer, you are able to come out the other side of it!

You could also get her to ring the Macmillan advice line. They are fantastic to talk to and really reassuring and helpful.

Their number is 0808 808 0000

Oh just seen Joycee already said that!

Anyway, good luck and we are all here if you need us.

Little My x

Hi to everyone,

Firstly, thank you all for such kind and sound advice. My MIL has Stage 4 bowel cancer, not stage 3 as i said in my first post! apologies. Twirly, I will definately check out the two groups you mentioned. My wife is a teacher and in a way it is unfortunate that it is summer holiday time, as you said work 'distraction' would be good at this time. A day to day approach is the only way to look at it. That is easy for me to say, i know!

thank you Joycee for your kind words and tips. I have joined the Cancer Chat forum as well. The more help the better.

I will definately encourage my wife to join this forum, as I think hearing it first hand from kind people like yourselves will prove to be a great comfort to her.

Once again thank you all for your warm welcome and I am sure I will become a regular visitor.

Mark

Good luck with finding groups, Mark and I hope your wife does join too. I am also a teacher and school is defininately a great distraction from things, but also very tiring when you have things on your mind, so probably good that she gets her head round it now in the holidays. Some tears and shock are natural but they will give way eventually. I think it is harder being a relative or carer in some ways than having it as you feel so helpless but often the person dealing with it, just gets on with it a lot better than one imagines.

Anyway, hope you get some good support from the groups and if not, blog again and we'll look out for you and your wife.

best wishes

Little My