In midst of all the panic, terror, catastrophe thinking, sleeplessness, bouts of sobbing, and more, something in me has remained surprisingly sane. Something small but steady has a what to do. One thing it knew to do was martial a support network and resources. And it didn’t take long. I am extremely grateful for all the special people I have around me. In the past, I have frequently felt alone in the world and bereft, circumstances of life having landed me here at 64 living far from family, having no children, and a romantic relationship too new to be a reliable support in this crisis. But this small sane piece of me surveyed the landscape of of my friends, colleagues, and connections, and supports began to fall into place.
First there was J. We have had a Skype friendship for about 8 years meeting weekly for a therapeutic Focusing exercise ( https://focusingresources.com/ ). She came to mind for her care, level-headedness, nursing background, compassion. I explained my situation and asked her if I could turn to her for support. Every week, I write her an email with my updates and feelings and she replies with her common sense and support. Then at our weekly meeting, we do our usual Focusing exercise. I feel I am not alone.
Then there is K, a colleague that I needed to disclose my situation to. At our Zoom meeting, K asked if she could pray with me. I don’t particularly identify as Christian, but her choice of words really moved me. We now meet once a week on Zoom for about 15 minutes for a quick update on my progress through the NHS steps and she prays with me in her beautifully spiritual way. It feels very nurturing.
M is an old friend of 20 years. She is a very spiritual person, an experienced yoga teacher, iRest practitioner ( https://www.irest.org/ ) certified Focusing professional, and all round wonderful human being. I asked if I could book a weekly guided Focusing session with her. We meet for an hour each week and she offers therapeutic companioning to my exploration of this whole cancer experience. It has really helped me approach my fears and anxieties.
S is a fairly new friend I met on a Ramblers walk. We have had regular walks and chats for a year or so. She has had up close experience of cancer, a number of surgeries, and she volunteers at the local hospital. Some people just get it, and she is one of those people. We video chat once a week or so about the practical aspects or her own experiences of hospitals and surgeries. It has helped a lot and I’m having fewer nightmares about the surgery.
Someone sent me links to Feldenkrais exercises. This was completely new to me. It is a very gentle and relaxing form of movement designed to calm the nervous system. It is deceptively simple and very effective in my experience. I listen to an exercise about three times per week. I almost always fall asleep before the end. In fact, I used it in hospital while I waited for my general anesthetic biopsy a month ago. It really helped pass the time with much less anxiety. Here’s a link to some example exercises: https://www.feldenkraisaccess.com/soothe-calm
I do about an hour of yoga every morning and 20 minutes of meditation. I feel good in the morning and so I take advantage of that for exercising and try and walk for 45 minutes every day too. Any more than that and I get uncomfortable. Despite the consultant assuring me this is a pain-free cancer, even when I am not creating symptoms with high anxiety levels, I do get some pain and discomfort, especially toward the end of the day. Bought myself a nice hot water bottle for relief and comfort.
Prehabilitation is what the NHS calls it - getting fit and healthy before surgery. So I’ve added a green smoothie to my diet - green leafy vegetables, Chlorella, flax seed, banana and honey. It’s delicious! I cut out coffee, alcohol and sugar for about 6 weeks. But they have crept back in small amounts over the Christmas period.
