what do we do for the best?

Trying to find the right words to send you as you have had a long long aquantance with this horrible disease. The only suggestion I can come up with is 'a little of what you fancy does you good'. That was what my Mum used to say when I was a child with some illness and she would proceed do cook me my favorite dish or play a game I liked or music that pleased me. These simple acts of motherly love made a big difference to my spirits and I have tried to copy that thought pattern in similar situations.So, in the same way that others have suggested perhaps you could try outings, inviting friends over etc in small doses and see how much you are able to cope with.

I too feel quite isolated at times having been off work for 15 months now and perhaps should take some of the advice from this thread myself.It is all a matter of balance I suppose and finding out what your limits are.

My parents have both recently turned 87 and have numerous health issues but generally are enjoying life still. But they are worlds apart in terms of outlook and ability, my Father being glass half empty   and Mother glass half full. Unfortunately over the years my Father has not occupied himself sufficiently either physically or mentally and the result is he sits and worries about the world, his family and his health. My Mother is astonishing playing for church services on Sundays, various other events, does talking books, and goes to the hospital to play for the old folks (most of whom are a good 10 -15 years her junior!) There are times when she overdoes things and we have to tell her to slow down but most of the time she is vibrant.

I am not saying that either of my parents are right or wrong in their approach to their lives merely that I see the difference in their enjoyment of life and there are lessons to be learned from both scenarios.

For me the thoughts I have on my life at the moment lie somewhere in between i.e. to do what I can but not to the point where I am harming my health.

The difficult bit is deciding what is reasonably achievable and therapeutic - which in a nut shell is your dilemma. Perhaps a chat with your Macmillan Nurse or someone similar that too could give you the chance to vocalise some off the thoughts that are wearing you down.

I hope the chemo does a good job and that it is not too tough.I'm half way through mine as we speak so will definately be thining of you and jen as you start yours.

Here's hoping that the big black cloud  that you feel hanging over you,turns into a brilliant rainbow. Rather than fear what is to come in 2011 perhaps we should try to anticipate the happy times that will occur regardless of how long they last - I think I am saying that to myself more than anyone - let's hope I take notice!!

Feel that I have rambled (chemo brain is rife at the mo), but hope you can see that I send you and everyone else very much love .

Cathie x

Hi Viv,

       What with the recent awful weather , Christmas now over and the prospect of yet more chemo looming, it is no wonder that you are feeling down. Four years is a long time with constant checks and treatments for this horrible disease and we were all hoping that you would have a much longer period of remission

         However, hopefully you can look at these year as a testament to your strength and spirit and you have definitely inspired others along the way. Of course there are times when it all seems to much but then think of what you can achieve, have short trips out that you can cope with (don't become a hermit!) and hopefully the new chemo will improve the situation and allow you to do more.

         I have one more chemo session to go next week, then a scan in early Feb, followed by a meeting with my consultant for the results. In February I too will have been living with this disease for 4 years and I aim to be around for as long as possible.

          My chemo has been more intense this time as I have had it nearly every week since July. There have been minimal side effects and I have been feeling pretty well but there have been times when I have been sitting in the chemo suite with everything chugging away, no discomfort, but I have had an overwhelming urge to pull the tube out and say "thats it, I just want to go home!". Of course I didn't, but I think it gets to all of us the longer it goes on (I have had 32 individual chemo sessions since diagnosis).However the chemo is the reason I am still here,plus I like to think, a large dose of positive thinking and I am sure the same is for you,

          Sending you lots of love and hugs, stay strong and the very best of luck with the new treatment.

           lizzie xx