Hi new to the group please forgive me for being a novice at this, my husband has aggressive lymphoma in the brain and i want to scream and shout at anyone who will listen! Why wont he talk to me or is it a man thing?He talks quite well to others! Why do i find myself being strong for all the family but inside i am crumbling away? 1001 and questions but dont know where to start, at least i made a start and joined this group, i will become my normal self when i got rid of this frustration. Welcome any suggestions still trying to come to terms with the cancer and everything that goes with it! Thanks for listening x
FormerMember
Welcome to the 'club' that no one wants to be a member of! I'm so sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis. How long have you known? Everyone deals with this kind of news in their own way. For your husband it might be that he finds it easier to talk to others because he doesn't want to upset you or it may be he is in some sort of denial. Whatever it is it's working for him. Unfortunately it makes you feel shut out from what's going on in his mind and that's very understandable. If you find it hard to talk to him about what your fears and frustrations are have you thought about writing them down in a letter to him? Sometimes that can be easier as it lessens the intensity of the emotions. Write down seperately on another sheet of paper EVERYTHING that's going around in your head, just putting it down on paper helps you to focus. Any questions can be asked here as there will probably be someone around who might be able to help. You can also come here to rant and rave 'safely' as we will understand how you are feeling as we are all in the same boat. Don't forget that you are human and NOT superwoman! Trying to hold everything together for everyone else will take its toll and then your health will suffer and you won't be able to help anyone then! As for becoming your 'normal' self I'm afraid that kind of 'normal' will now change as you face the challenges ahead. You will develop a new 'normal'.
I'm so glad that you found this site as it is a wonderful place full of lovely supportive members ( I only joined September) so that's a great first step to take. Sending you a big hug for now while you sort out your frustration!
Hi wellcome to our little band, I'm sorry your having such a hard time of it now but I'm sure things will improve as time go's by. In our house I'm the one with cancer, which is terminal, I too can talk to any and everyone except my husband, but that is because it upsets him so much, but we've gradually a little at a time line by line managed to tell each other how we feel,and as much as he didn't want to hear it he lstened when i told how i wanted my funeral to be, so I know that time is not always our friend but hopfully you'll have enough for him to tell you what you want to know. In the mean time try writing him a letter telling him how you feel and why it is important for you to talk to him, we know he loves so the chances are he's just trying to protect you. Anyway in the mean time feel free to come on hear and shout as much as you like.
I also have a husband who won't talk- not to me, not to his family, not to anyone at the hospital. It can be very frustrating. We have now reached an agreement where I say "I will need to ask the doctor this", and he just pretends he isn't in the room whilst I do!!! I think it is a man thing? Having said which, he is so positive and fighting so well, I suppose we all have to find our own way of coping. I thought the idea of writing it down was great, I may try that. Even this site is tricky- we get the e-mails on the shared computer, and he hates it that I am talking to anyone, although he acknowledges that I need to. How do other people get around that?
