Things don't get better

Hi everybody, I'm feeling quite low at the moment, and there's nothing wrong with me! Lee is getting poorlier by the day, and now the District Nurses have decided it's time they called more often, every other day in fact. I'm assuming we're into the final stages of this trauma but I don't know, and so I'll have to ask. Luckily we have brillient District Nurses, who are very honest and upfront about everything. Lee realises how poorly she is; the lymph in her groin is not working now, and the leg from top to bottom is horribly swollen, and not a uniform swelling either, quite misshapen. The poor soul is still managing to move about her little cottage (all one level) and rightly or wrongly I think it only right that she do what she feels she can do for herself. Having been ill myself several years ago I know from experience just how difficult it is to ask, when you want to do for yourself. Lee's energy levels are very limited, so even a walk to the bathroom, or through to the kitchen poops her out. She's also having bother with what the doctor sweetly describes as 'bony pain' and yet another anti inflamatory has been prescribed. It's helping a little, but not much. Getting comfortable for any period of time is now impossible for her, so she goes from recliner to bed to padded seat, and back again. This is mostly due to the pressure on the back of the swollen leg behind the knee area, and because she now has no flesh on her buttocks its affecting the nerves and nothing from paracetamol to the morphine eases it. Real depressing stuff this isn't it? Sorry. One last thing before we all fall into a deep depression just reading this - Lee now has several wee cancerous lumps under her skin around her upper front torso, we know that these are quite normal in this type of secondary cancer - my point is that we visited the oncology unit three weeks ago (the effort of which knocks Lee off balance for at least three days afterwards) anyway, it was a new doctor, he measured the lumps, and asked Lee to return in a month so that he can measure them again to see if the meds are working and they've reduced in size a little. Always an obliging soul Lee agreed to the appointment and we go back at the end of this month, but, does anyone agree that it's maybe just a little bit selfish on the doctor's part to have her back? There is nothing to be done for Lee, he could see the elephantine leg, the emaciated body, grey complexion, the tiredness that hangs on her - could he not have arranged for the District Nurses to measure the bumps and report back to him. They already regularly take her bloods and forward the results for checking. Someone suggested to me, or I should say advised me, that there does come a time when the oncology unit is working for the oncology unit and not for the patient; when they should be thinking of keeping the patient comfortable and as pain free as possible, that the patients general welbeing should take priority as there is nothing else to be done before the end, they still continue to probe and examine, test and retest. I was advised in front of Lee that at some point she should put herself first, and say thanks but no thanks. What does anyone in blog world think??? To end on a much more positive note, it didn't rain today. and I was able to disappear for a couple of hours into the beautiful mindless world of gardening. So, the onions and garlic are in, the coldframes have been moved - yet again- so that the field grass can be got at by the tractor when he comes to do the rest of the field, and the canes are in ready for the runner beans, which along with several other seedlings are growing well in the said frames. At the end of my day, and busy getting dinner for Lee, my hubby and me, I had a great feeling of 'job well done' (in the time available anyway) and lets hope in rains overnight but not tomorrow. Sorry for moaning, and thanks for reading. Gill.