Hi everyone
I am hoping that the attached diary will help some of you out there who are currently, or have been, looking after a loved one suffering from terminal cancer. My beloved mom died of breast cancer in 1999 and during the last few weeks of her life I kept a diary of our conversations and how we coped in those dark days, hoping that one day some good would come out of it in that by reading the diary it would help others in the same or similar situation to know they are not alone and there are people out there who know EXACTLY how they are feeling right now.
If I can help in any way, however small, then please read on.......
FormerMember
I have read your diary and wanted to thank you for doing something which I believe is both valuable and important. I am in a similar boat to your poor mum but live with family and it is very important for the patient to be aware of the effect of this situation on those who have to live with it, particularly in rather "British" families such as mine where discussions of emotion are rather discouraged. It is also very valuable to read as frank and incisive an account of the last few months as the one you have given: much more honest, illuminating and helpful than anything one can browbeat the docs into giving.
You also highlight another very important point about the experience of having children close to this experience. This has been an eye-opener for me as I never particularly liked children and certainly did everything in my power to avoid having any! However, I have found my nephew and niece (similar ages to your children) a real pleasure to have around. They are so unfazed by death and serious illness but one is always aware that it will be an experience of value to them when they are older in terms of education and emotional development.
So while I send huge sympathy to you for having had to undergo this terrible experience with your mum, I hope you can be consoled slightly to know that you have done something useful and brave by publishing what you did. And if you read some of the stories on here, please pat yourself on the back for your devotion and loyalty and obvious ability to have moved from one happy family to create a new one of your own. This will, I can assure you (and you must know) have been a huge source of comfort and support to your mum.
Thank you so much for your comments on my diary, and thank you also for taking the time out to read it! I have never shown it to anyone before I posted on this site so have been very keen to see what sort of feedback it receives. Yours is the first! It is so nice to know it has achieved the desired effect in that touches other people, their families and their experience.
Hi Gill, I read you diary entries and found them very touching and real. Me and my mum are in a similar situation to what you were in. My mum has been told that there is nothing more they can do for her and that the cancer has spread widly. Like you, were are hoping for some miracle and every day is a bit of a roller coaster. When she is well I forget and think she has recovered, it just takes a bad day for me to remember how ill she is. I am so glad I can be with her, but feel I won't survive or be able to cope with her dying. I try to write too, but after seeing your diary entries, think I will try and do it more often. Thanks and hope your doing ok xxx
Thanks for your comments on my diary and I am so glad I have been able to have been of some help, albeit in a small way. I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. Just try and be brave for her (difficult, I know) and make the most of this time. By writing down things that you have said between you will, I can assure you, bring you comfort in the years ahead. I thought I would never ever survive this, but somehow you do. As for now, I am sure you being there for your Mum means so much.
