This has been such a difficult two weeks - tomorrow the line is removed from the portacath and then hubby gets two weeks off before next session starts.
I look at him and he is running on willpower - he went to work today after taking a couple of days off because he was so very tired and nauseous. He is just so exhausted but said he just cannot give in to it and must get out rather than sit at home just being tired.
So far after the first two weeks, he still has his hair. We went out and bought two hats to anticipate him becominging bald, but tonight he said it is now coming out a lot in the comb. His stomach is distended badly - which is the site of the tumours - and his breathing is often laboured, which causes me to fear it may have spread to his lungs. I am going to ask that question tomorrow at the hospital.
In two weeks time, hubby will be reconnected to the portacath infusion of the second chemo drug, the other goes in intravenously, and then two weeks after that a scan to see if this combination is doing any good. If not then he has to go into hospital and they will go for another therapy.
I can see him becoming more and more morose and negative - he is talking about making sure I am taken care of and how things are going round and round in his head that he needs to sort out soon. The chemo bottle attached to a waist belt has meant that he cannot really sleep well, even if he tries to put it on the side table or similar - that on top of the tiredness is making him very short-tempered and sarcastic. I know that the chemo and his worries are to blame, but it is not easy when I do not know which way to react or jump when he gets irritable. The other night I just left him in the living room watching TV and spent some time on the computer to keep out of his way.
I am hoping so much that the two weeks off the chemo may make him feel better, but at this moment am despairing of being able to help him properly while he is in such a bad mood.
I have decided that it may be too claustrophobic for him being with me 24/7, on top of feeling ill, so I am making an effort to go out even if only to the shops, to give him some breathing space.
I would like tomorrow to bring some encouraging news about hubby's reactions to the chemo.. but I can feel I am also getting worn down and this is only the first round of the fight!!!
