I apologise to anyone about to read this, I just need to put it down in writing really and thought where better then here.
In October I was told that my dad had prostate cancer with secondary bone cancer, and everything changed. I'n not here to write about my dad, he is doing ok and to be honest its a little to painful to write about without crying and as im currently sitting at work maybe not such a good idea.
One thing i have found though is my total lack of interest in things, Im 23 and i used to love seeing my friends and going out and now i cant be bothered with it all. they have been so supportive but i just dont want to see anyone. and that annoys me because they are my friends, how can i just ignore them and what is going on with them!! but everything has changed and things that i thought i have managed to get over are now upseting me again, like i had a really close good friend i met her through work about 5 years ago and although she left have been friends ever since, then just over a year ago she asked me whether i wanted to apply for a job at the place she worked. I'm a legal secretary and a Solicitor at the office needed a new secretary, i took the job and at first it was fine, then she started being funny and, when things were going good for me, in relationship etc (before all of this with dad) then said she didnt want to be friends with me anymore because my life was too good and it reminded her about how hers is going wrong. i tried everything to get my friend back but she didnt want too. i was fine with it untill now.
why is it that i can do without my other friends but the fact that this person wont speak to me makes me feel like utter c**p. i have done nothing wrong yet why is it when things started to go wrong i hoped that this would mean that she would want to be my friend again. its horrible, because when i started i was very good friends with her i didnt really get to know anyone else, and now its like starting again apart from they all know and like her, so when she doesnt talk to me, they must thing that i have done something.its normally bearable i work in my own office so i dont see anyone for hours on end (sometimes days) but today my stupid computer has broke and im being made to sit in the same room and be ignored by her and because its obvious everyone else.
this whole thing makes me feel lonely at the best of times but with this too........... i just dont know what to do.
