As some of you know I lost my darling mum to lung cancer 9 days ago on 31/1/09. We have now made the funeral arrangements, which is on Friday 13th. I am not looking forward to this day but know it has to happen.
I took dad to see mum at the chapel of rest today, which was very emotioal, but I do feel has helped a bit. I miss my mum so very much, I still cry every day. I know it's still early days but at the moment I just feel I will never get over the loss of my lovely, lovely mum.
Hope this blog finds you all keepin your chin up xx
FormerMember
Hello gaynor,
You are nearly at the last stretch of the rollercoaster you have been on with your dear Mum. Once the funeral has taken place you will then have the time to grieve but also to remember the happy,loving times you had with your mum and they will lift your heart a little and cause you to smile. Let the tears fall for they are part of the healing process. You haven't 'lost' mum, she will always be with you but just not in her physical body. When you sense her with you don't think it is a trick of your imagination but welcome the experience.
My precious mum passed away on 26 November 2008 but it still feels like only yesterday. As you can see from my profile, things have been tough. I cried and cried in the beginning. The day mum died I sat in a chair and was hysterical for 6 hours solid - didn't move at all! Then it all stopped - was busy arranging things, sorting out money, ringing people - thought I was doing fine - then it hit me again - and now I'm on autopilot - don't know how I function but I do. If I cry I just can't stop. But somehow I still feel her love - stronger than ever. She's with me helping me through all this - its such a strange feeling for an aethiest!
The thing we have to remember is that its normal. We loved our mums and have a right to miss them and no, we're not going mad!
I just logged in to What Now? because I've really missed my mum again today, pangs of pain where I miss her so much and it's like a blanket of grief that covers me and I have to have a good sob before I can even begin to feel a bit better. My mum died on 10th December, so it's 2 calendar months tomorrow, and there are days when I think of really happy times and smile, but it's still early days for me, so I know that for you it's even more raw. I'm there with you, I really am and maybe knowing that you're not alone in how you feel might help a little (probably not, but you know what I mean).
My eldest son was 21 on Friday and I cried on and off all day because when I gave birth to him, I was 20 - totally unprepared and naive - and my darling mum looked after me with strength and humour and love and it hurt me on Friday to think that I hadn't thanked her enough for being so wonderful to me at that time. I couldn't look at my boy without feeling this overwhelming pain and longing to hold my mum in my arms just one more time.
I suppose what dries my tears is thinking and knowing that my mum did what she did because she was my mum in the same way that in her final couple of months, I did everything I could to let her know how much I loved her and to keep her warm and safe, bringing her home to be with me when she finally went.
I wish you all the love and strength in the world and I'll be thinking of you all day on Friday. I hope the day is as bearable for you as it can be, and that you are surrounded by people who will support you and care for you - on Friday and beyond. I looked up at the sky quite frequently on the day of my mum's funeral and found strength there in the knowledge that she would have been looking down on me and sending her eternal love to me - as I'm sure your mum will too xxxxxx
I know how you are feeling, I lost my mum [my best friend] 5yrs ago and I still miss her so much. As time goes by though it will become easier to cope with keep all your happy memories with you, time is a great healer. Your mum will always be with you in your heart and will watch over you, I believe this and it helps me. I just tell myself she has gone on to the next phase of her life. I agree with what Pheonix says that there will be times that you sense her with you, I do my Mum. Will also be thinking of you and your family on Friday, take care my heart goes out to you Duchess xx
Thankyou for taking the time to reply - It helps a bit to know thay others have been where I am and survived.
I do not have a faith as such, just a hope that there is somewhere safe after death, where my mum will be happy. I would love to 'feel her presence', maybe I will sometime soon. I am even thinking of going to a spiritulist church/gathering at some point in the hope my mum will let me know she's ok...sorry if that makes me a hypocrit, I don't want to offend anyone.
Again thankyou for all your support, it it so nice to knoe that people care...xx
