Thoughts and feelings

I have finally had it confirmed , after weeks of waiting for test results and MRI dates, that I have stage 1 breast cancer along with some califications that are a bit concerning.

I am sure that most will agree that part of the agony in getting a diagnosis (however large or small) is the waiting!! Your mind over exerts itself and no matter what your loved ones say about trying not to worry too much, you inevitably do.  I have walked around pretty numb most of the time.

Now I have the diagnosis, there is the tiniest sense of relief because you now know what steps are in place and you can think ahead a little.

So I have been told that my surgery will involve a Licap procedure, a sentinel Lymph node biopsy and obviously the removal of the tumour itself, and the after treatment. I totally understand what this entails so I won't bore you lovely readers.  

My surgery is in a month's time and to be honest I feel extremely numb and very emotional.  I am the bubble of 'Oh my god its happened to me too'.  

I have a totally wonderful and loving husband and 2 gorgeous children, and many wonderful friends and loving family.  But it still doesn't take away the feeling of being Alone.  This is, I suppose, because the news is so horrible and you are no longer just you.  You are you with Cancer and it feels a very big deal because it is AND because you can't necessarily associate yourself with someone you know who is in the same boat as you.  I certainly can't (thank goodness for them, if that makes sense).  I don't know anyone personally in my life who has cancer right now.  This new situation is not like you are pregnant at the same time as a friend, say, and you can share the joy and progress together.

There is much information to read that the kind Breast Nurses give you and at the mo it's all I can do at the moment (read up and be prepared) and as they have said take each day and stage of treatment a step at a time.  So in the meantime I am going to embrace my loved ones, embrace new things and try and keep positive.

I know I will have good and bad days but I be back here to share more soon.    Heart