Well, it is now 13th July and yesterday it was my birthday. It was also 19 weeks since my darling Ray relocated to heaven. It was a very difficult day as I kept becoming very tearful and didn't want to cry. My eldest son Stuart was with me for most of the day. When we got up, we had a bacon butty (I never eat breakfast normally). Then I went off to the Sunday church service and he went off on a practice run (he is doing the Snowdonia Marathon later in the year). Met my dad at church and he came back with me before going on his weekly pilgrimage to visit mum's resting place. Stuart and I spent the afternoon relaxing and enjoying each other's company. The family met up early evening and went to an Italian Restaurant for dinner. Everything was fine until the meal came and then ooooh dear the tears threatened so I had to excuse myself until I was more composed. We did have a good time with lots of laughs but there was an underlying air of sadness in the air. We will have looked just like any other party out to enjoy themselves but were each hurting in our own way. I have the most amazing and supportive family but I do not like letting them see me upset as I find it embarrassing to actually show visually how I am feeling. (Do as I say not as I do is my motto). Having said that, sometimes it is just too hard to control.
On an upbeat note, I have just found out that my niece has had a son born today at around 11.30am. I am thrilled and it is just the thing that is needed to give my mum-in-law a lift because she has been very 'down' this last couple of weeks.
So my friends, thank you for all your support over the past few months it means such a lot to me.
Take care and be good x x Tricia xx
"Ray, I will love you always and forever"
FormerMember
Hi Dev, belated birthday wishes. Please don't feel ashamed of your tears, its better to have a good cry now and again instead of bottling it all up and i'm sure your family understand that. Lots of love Gill xx
The "1st" time for each important event or milestone without your darling Ray is always going to be tinged with sadness, no matter how happy the occassion.
The thing is to know thats it ok to experience ALL the range of emotions and no matter how hard you try to hide it from your family, I am sure they see it anyway ;)
Keep honouring him my friend.
Sorry I missed your birthday.......and where was my slice of cake eh???
HI Tricia, a very happy belated birthday to you and I am glad you managed to put on a brave front with your family yesterday, I know exactly what you are going through, I have followed your blogs and I understand, My husband died in february and every family get together just seems to make me feel more alone,I am now the odd one in the family, all the others are couples and whilst I love them all I know they cannot understand just how sad I find every occasion as it just makes me miss Brian even more, people say it does get easier so we have to hope that they are right.
I also have a great neice whos baby is due tomorrow,so another thing in common !!!
I am sure that your lovely family will have found it difficult too yesterday and will have done exactly as you by trying to keep "composed". You protect them & they protect you I imagine? The important thing is that you were all together supporting each other as best you can, and your beloved Ray will have been so proud to see that.
It is always obvious to those of us who have lost someone dear that that person seems even more absent at family/social gatherings, and it is so difficult isn't it?
You are such a kind and wise lady, please take care,
Hi Tricia, belated birthday wishes to you. It must have been very sad for you, the first birthday without your husband. There will be many more occasions when you are faced with him not being here, but as you know we get through them. Congratulations to your niece on the birth of her baby boy. Love, Christine xx
