A friend of a friend heard about my diagnosis. Turns out she is undergoing chemo for ovarian cancer. Subject of wigs came up. Trendco was the advice I got. Didn't know what a Trendco was, so I Googled it. It's a specialist wig shop in Kensington, London. Trevor Sorbie's name came up. He's a top London hairdresser. It's a shop he uses for his cancer charity. The charity is very new. It's called My New Hair (mynewhair.org).
I came across various 'videos' Trevor Sorbie had posted on a video posting website called 'Video Jug'. All about buying wigs, fitting wigs, the different types of wigs, how to care for wigs etc. He mentioned his charity and said it was to help women who have alopecia or who were going to lose/have already lost their hair through cancer.
Part of my 'taking control' (see yesterday's 'Back on the Radar' blog) involved me contacting people for help. So (whilst in the midst of deep depression, a couple of weeks ago) I wrote a marathon of an e-mail explaining my situation. I asked for help. Not easy for me, But I was at rock bottom and sent it. It was very emotional. Very raw. Perhaps desperate. I didn't care. So much bad stuff had inflicted itself on me, I WAS desperate. Desperate for something positive to happen.
I got a reply the next day. Trevor Sorbie was going to take me to Trendco to get a wig! OMG!!! HOW EXCITING!!!! Not only that, he was going to help me choose it. Advise me on it. Take me back to his salon and cut it for me.
My face lit up. LIT UP? An understatement. Mad jumping up and down on the bed for several minutes. THE WORLD WAS SUDDENLY BRIGHT AGAIN.
Yesterday was the day. My big day out. A day just for me. I met Trevor at his salon in Covent Garden. We went to the shop. I have long hair and no fringe. Never had a fringe in my life. Trevor said I'd have to have a fringe otherwise everyone would know it was a wig. I agreed. Picked out lots of wigs. One of the first I tried on was it. The one. I just knew. My eyes shone when it went on. Very different to my current style. The fringe makes a difference. But it was semi long. Layered. Graduated round my face. Highlighted. Like the expensive, glamorous hair cut I could never afford. So decision made. Went back to his salon. He shaped the fringe a bit for me. Much better (I could see now lol!). Went home.
So excited, went straight round to my parent's house. My sister had also popped in. My dad was listening to music. My mum was in the spare room on the computer. My sister was telling me to hurry up (whilst having a fag outside) because she had to go to the gym.
Dad first. Wig on. Walked in. He laughed. LAUGHED!!!! I couldn't believe it. I had felt I'd found something to make me confident when my hair falls out and I got laughter.
Confidence rattled somewhat. But ok...
Mum next. Wanted to hear what the 'commotion' was about and came into the room. Jaw opened. Stayed opened for probably only a second or two but seemed like ages.
What is going on here? Don't they know how nervous this is making me?
I got angry with them. "Don't you think it looks really nice?". I asked. Dad replied "It's so different to what you usually have. I'm not used to the fringe". Then my mum piped up "You look lovely". "It's really glamorous" said my dad.
My sister entered the room (back in from her fag). She'd caught the tale end of my anger and disappointment at my parent's reaction. She immediately said "It looks really great. Don't listen to them." It was too late though. Confidence really quite shaken by then.
They could all see I was upset with their reactions. But Jesus fucking Christ, wouldn't you be? My precious hair. My big day out with a famous hairdresser. Felt sooooo confident. Now started to doubt myself. Went home.
Boyfriend came over after work. Wig on. Walked into the room. "Oh!" he said. "That's nice. Interesting colour. Not used to you with a fringe. Can they do something with that? It makes your face look a bit round". That was it. MY jaw now open.
Confidence at lowest now. How will I cope when I have to wear this thing?
The one person I expected to be excited for me and to give me the reaction I gave myself when I tried it on that morning, didn't. In fact, I expected all of them to have the same reaction as I'd had. I felt let down. That's the trouble with expectation, you get let down. I was so upset. He could see I was upset. He was really sorry. He said that he just wasn't used to me with a fringe and it looked so different. I didn't think it looked that different. It looks like what my hair probably should look like if I could be bothered to do it like that every day. Ok, with a fringe. Big deal.
Wig back in box.
Disillusioned. Disheartened.
Massive disappointment. Huge anti-climax.
