After suffering with tummy problems and weight loss over and above my usual acid reflux nausea, I saw my GP Dr O’Connor who ordered blood tests. He also thought it was possible I had gall stones and a blockage in my bile duct and certainly some of my symptoms were fairly classic for that. Switching to a fat free diet can ease symptoms. I was already losing weight as I felt unwell particularly after eating and removing fat from my diet ensured I lost even more weight. When your “starting weight” is just under 8 stone, losing weight, particularly at the speed it was dropping off me is not good.
Existing on vegetable soup, boiled eggs and jacket potatoes was not great and I missed cheese and cake more than anything else! It did alleviate the symptoms though and I believed that the diagnosis of a bile duct blockage was a reasonable one. I was still concerned that my weight was still dropping and I was now just over 7 stone.
After receiving the blood test results back and further discussions around the symptoms Dr O’Connor informed me that there were a few triggers - including my advanced age of 57! - that suggested I needed to have an endoscopy.
The same day as the GP visit, I received a call from my local hospital booking the appointment with me. Fast tracking at its’ finest.
7 August 2018
The procedure - a very uncomfortable experience and one I am not keen to repeat -took place on 7 August 2018. This showed a rather large ulcer and swollen tissue in my stomach and in line with protocol various biopsies were also taken. I was told the results would be available in 10-14 days and if they showed anything “sinister” I would receive a call directly from the hospital.
The staff at the endoscopy unit were fantastic. They explained everything they were doing and why, and reassured me when I began burping loudly (mortified!)...lots of air being pumped into my stomach during the procedure has to escape! From the moment I arrived at the reception desk to when I was discharged from the observation unit they engaged with me throughout and I really felt cared for. I was shown the scan pictures (I was watching the screen whilst they were performing the procedure but the nurse ended up blocking my view as she tried to get the forceps in the right place to take the samples) and was carefully escorted to the recovery bay. The nurse who had booked me in and talked through the procedure with me came to see me afterwards as well.
A potent combination of antibiotics and acid suppressant PPI’s was prescribed to combat the HPylori bug in my stomach and to help heal the ulcer. The antibiotics as promised caused diarrhoea and thrush...lovely! However, a few days after I had finished the course of antibiotics I began to feel so much better, better than I had felt for months. Work colleagues and family commented that I was looking well - obviously I must have looked pretty crap before!
21 August 2018
So, day 14 arrives with no call. All clear I thought. I couldn’t be more wrong. That evening after I arrived home from work I received a call asking me to go to the Gastroenterology clinic the following afternoon. I still believed that they may have found that I had gastritis or Crohn’s. Ok, I can deal with that, no worries.
Sadly the news was the very worst...cancer! I was very brave...indeed stoic even if I say so myself. No tears, no wobbles, no wallowing. Husband and I joked about wigs on the journey home.
Telling the kids was really hard. There is no easy way to break the news to them. Tears and disbelief but both are in solid relationships and have the support of their partners to help see them through.
My sister has very recently received the all clear following breast cancer and going to see my elderly parents later the same evening to tell them I now had cancer left me feeling like I had betrayed them somehow. Stupid I know but I felt that I had let them down after they had worried through my sisters experience to finally breathe a sigh of relief and here I was burdening them with the news that they had to feel all the concern and heartache all over again.
22 August 2018
As I write this, I have no idea yet whether the cancer is limited to my stomach, in which case major surgery plus chemotherapy and I have a 65% chance of survival 5 years from now, or if has spread...the worst case scenario is that there is palliative care!
I have decided at this point in time to find the silver linings:
The repeat endoscopy originally scheduled for October has, for now at least, been cancelled
Being fast tracked for the endoscopy means the cancer has been found earlier that it would have been if I had to go on the waiting list for that procedure
At least I know to a degree what I am dealing with
I have reintroduced some fat back into my diet without pain and have eaten cake and cheese again!
Currently awaiting a slot for a CT scan before the next stage of treatment can be determined. In the meantime, I am flipping cancer the bird!
24 August 2018
Today I received the appointment letter for my CT scan so will be heading to Warwick hospital again on Tuesday. Need to be injected with a contrast dye and they will scan my thorax, stomach and pelvis.
I also spoke to my oldest sister this evening. She has been away for a few days so I didn’t want to spoil her break. Having survived breast cancer and suffered through a mastectomy, chemo and radio therapy she of all my siblings will understand how I am feeling.
I am still feeling positive and have received some really loving and supportive messages from my family. They are all rallying round. When cancer strikes, it affects the whole family. But that also means the whole family is battling the cancer with you.
25 August 2018
Spent time today with my sister in law, nieces and great nieces. We talked about loads of things and had a good giggle with my husband rattling off an endless stream of jokes.
Also had contact from other family members and work colleagues offering their support. I realise how lucky I am to have so many people rooting for me. Strangely I feel a bit like a fraud as I feel really well. I am eating better and more than I have for a while, have more energy and it is hard to believe I have such an awful disease. Everyone says how strong, tough and determined I am...I hope I can live up to that!
Having been a smoker for 40 years, I have been encouraged by my husband to try a vape pen. He took me to a shop he knew of in Banbury and helped me choose one I felt I could work with. I know I need my heart and lungs in the best possible shape if I have to have the surgery and even cutting down or stopping for a few weeks will help. So far, I have managed to stop smoking at work but am desperate for a ciggie when I get home. I am hoping that the vape pen will be a successful alternative.
Whilst we were out shopping for the vape, we walked past a fancy dress hire shop. In the display window was a nylon auburn wig plaited into 2 pigtails. Hubby offered to buy it for me! Cheeky sod. I have given some thought to wigs and am not sure that I will even bother. I have never been vain about my hair - good job as it never looks great! - and I might be happy with a bandana or hat. Or I could just rock the bald head...
I may get my eyebrows tattooed as I think I will miss those more! My sister did when she lost her hair from chemo. My niece also had her eyebrows micro bladed and they look really good. An option maybe?
Sunday 26 August 2018
For some reason today I have been feeling a little adrift. Can’t put my finger on why but I can’t seem to finish anything I have started and my thoughts seem to be all over the place. Maybe the seriousness of my situation is finally sinking in. I almost wish it wasn’t a bank holiday tomorrow so I have to go to work. The routine and keeping busy appeals more than ever.
I need some new ankle boots for the autumn/winter and spent some time online looking at options. I couldn’t actually commit to buying any though. Will I be out and about come Autumn? Could I spend money on boots I may never wear? This isn’t me...I am normally a glass half full person; optimistic, determined, strong, pragmatic. Hopefully I will feel better about things tomorrow. Maybe buy those boots and a new winter coat!
27 August 2018
Back to my usual self today thank goodness. It has been a very quiet and chilled day with just my husband and I. I think I needed to just forget everything and relax.
28 August 2018
So, today was scan day. I had to drink some contrast liquid over the course of an hour then get the CT scan. This involved wearing the fabulously fetching hospital gowns. I was lucky as she gave me 2, one to wear with the ties at the back and one to wear over the top like a robe. Preserved my modesty if nothing else.
Once the first scan was done, a contrast dye was injected intravenously. Wow, you can feel the heat flowing through your veins. Luckily the radiographer explained that in some people, it feels like you have wet yourself but that isn’t the case. I had this sensation and would have been extremely mortified if she hadn’t forewarned me! A second scan was then taken after which I had to wait for 10 minutes to have the cannula removed.
I was told the results would be available in 7-10 days.
Later that day I received a call from the consultants secretary requesting I attend a meeting with him on 30 August. This is worrying as this was literally a few hours after the scan was completed. I felt a little nervous if I am honest as to me this sounds like the news is possibly the worst case rather than the best...
Nothing I can do other than wait til Thursday to see what the consultant has to say. I don’t have a choice other than to let this play out however it turns out.
Work have been great. I am supposed to be managing a new service and recruiting new staff over the next few weeks. It doesn’t look like I will be around to deal with this and I feel that I am letting them down. I know this is beyond my control and work have ensured they have consulted me about the best approach to sharing my knowledge and handing over the service. My manager is adamant that I must not worry about anything related to work. This is for her to handle and I must take as much time as I need to cope with everything that is going on medically. Easier said than done though.
30 August 2018
So, with some trepidation I met with my consultant today to hear the results of Tuesday’s scan. It was the best case scenario! Yes, I have cancer but there is no evidence that it has spread beyond my stomach. Even within the stomach, visible signs were difficult to see suggesting it has been found early. The relief felt by my husband and I was palpable. Even the consultant was pleased and kept knocking on wood!
I am being referred to the oncologist at Walsgrave who will decide what treatment I will receive however the consultant believes chemo, surgery and possibly more chemo is likely. I will probably need a few more tests, maybe a laparoscopy before the treatment path is agreed but I at least know what it is I am battling. Given the other possible outcomes, this is the best news. I have strict instructions to put on weight quickly to make sure I am strong enough for surgery. Cake here I come...
I have also received an appointment for my DEXA scan in the post today. I had one a few years ago as I had lost weight when my husband was seriously ill and I was diagnosed with osteopenia, which is just shy of osteoporosis. As I have again lost a lot of weight with my own health issues, there is a concern that my bones have become even more fragile. In the big scheme of things, I am just going to take this in my stride!
An unexpected visit this evening from 2 of my great nieces, Pam and Jade and my great great nephew, Leo. I see Pam and Leo regularly but hadn’t seen Jade in a while. Had a great laugh and lots of hugs. Spent some time putting the world to rights, particularly in respect to a mutual relation!
My son, Conor is supposed to be visiting tomorrow and my daughter Natasha will see me when she is back from (another) holiday on Sunday. She has been stressing whilst she was away so I am hoping that the latest update will set her mind at rest and she enjoys the rest of her time away.
31 August 2018
Yet another hospital letter awaiting me when I got home from work today. This one is “inviting” me to make an appointment for another gastroscope examination. Whilst I would love to decline I suppose I shall have to go. Tried ringing the clinic but couldn’t get through so will now have to wait until Monday to call them. Given the difficulty in finding cancer in my stomach with the CT scan despite the biopsies confirming the existence of cancerous cells, I wonder whether they want to take more biopsies to see if they still show them? Time will tell and in the meantime I can only deal with what I currently know.
2 September 2018
Received a call today from the Endoscopy clinic...on a Sunday no less. Turns out this is just to book in the follow up endoscopy 8 weeks after the first one that started me on this journey. All booked for 9 October.
The no smoking is going well though I do use the vape pen a few times a day. If I am honest, if there were cigarettes around, I am not sure I could resist but I have not purchased or begged any.
My daughter returned from Spain today so had a lovely long chat with her this evening. She is fretting over me, which I expected so I am being as upbeat and positive as I can when talking to her.
5 September 2018
Got the call today from Walsgrave Hospital to attend on Friday morning. Looks like I will find out what tests and treatment I am likely to face!
7 September 2018
So today I met my surgeon, a lovely lady who I felt really comfortable talking to. I am having a laparoscopy on 13 September at Walsgrave so that she can do some more investigating and flush some fluids into me. These fluids will be sent to the lab to see if they show any more cancerous cells outside of my stomach. Whilst under the anaesthetic she will also perform another endoscopy-silver lining, I won’t need to go for the one scheduled for October when I would not be sedated! The surgeon explained that she wanted to see for herself exactly where the cancerous areas were before she performed surgery.
Provided the results of those tests didn’t show anything else, I would then see the oncologist to plan my chemo. I understand that the plan is for me to have 2 months or so of chemo and then surgery to remove part of my stomach.
Whilst at the hospital, I had loads of blood tests taken, my height, weight and BMI measured and included a visit to the respiratory clinic to test my lung function. My BMI is very low as expected so I am also being referred to a dietitian to try to build me up before surgery. They are also saving my blood and increasing the volume so that if I need blood during surgery, I will get my own!
11 September 2018
A strange day at work today. It appears that the office grapevine has been working overtime and a large number of people know that I have been diagnosed with stomach cancer. I had only told my manager and my closest colleagues but word has spread. It was never a secret but nor did I want to broadcast it.
Most have been shocked, sad, supportive and apparently surprised as outwardly they would never have guessed something so serious was wrong. I have been commended for being so upbeat and positive. What else can I be?
There has been one colleague however who knows “someone” they are close to who has been diagnosed with both stomach and breast cancer recently who isn’t as “lucky” as I am. She also has a friend who is on palliative care so the fact that I am currently on a potential curative path means I am in a much better place. The same colleague can also tell that I have put on weight - I am actually still 9 pounds lighter than I was a couple of months ago - and should be grateful that I have been told to increase my weight and I apparently don’t realise how that makes her feel as she is struggling with her diet! I’m not sure whether this is supposed to make me feel better about my situation...I am grateful given where I could be but to be told almost daily how lucky I am is becoming wearing. It doesn’t help that these messages are delivered with a self satisfied smirk! Thankfully I have more important things to worry about and nicer people to talk to so I haven’t reacted other than to sweetly thank her for her “support”.
13 September 2018
An early start this morning as I needed to be at the hospital for 7:30am ready for my laparoscopy. I persuaded my husband to go home earlier than he originally intended as there was nothing he could do for me at that stage. Because I hadn’t been to pre-op, there was a lot of paperwork to complete!
Luckily I was first on the list...I just wanted to get on with it. In the fetching hospital gown, my dressing gown and slippers I was walked to the theatres.
In the side room outside theatre I was chatting to the anaesthetist and bemoaning the fact I was really missing my morning cuppa. The first thing to greet me on wakening in recovery was a hot, strong, sweet cup of tea...bliss! I also had a recollection of the surgeon chatting to me in recovery but as I was still very drowsy from the anaesthetic I didn’t know whether I had imagined it!
I was eventually sent up to the ward to recover and eat something. Not much of an appetite to be honest and my mouth felt as though I had cotton wool in there removing every bit of moisture.
The dietician called to see me and after a long chat, handed over a large supply of dietary supplement samples for me to try.
The surgeon also came by...I hadn’t imagined her visit earlier! She wanted to ensure I fully understood what they had found. Visually it still didn’t look as though the cancer had spread beyond my stomach but they would know for definite once the lab results were back - this could take a week. What they had discovered was that the tumour was bigger than originally thought. This could mean I lose all of my stomach...not good news. The decision is to do another endoscopy once chemo is finished and see what the tumour looks like then.
It was a very uncomfortable journey home as we got stuck in traffic following an accident. A 35 minute journey turned into 90 minutes.
14 September 2018
Back today to see the oncologist. Plan is on Monday I will have some heart tests, on Wednesday I will have a PICC line inserted and then chemo starts on Monday 24 September, 4 x 2 week cycles...eek.
17 September 2018
Well, the heart tests were an experience! Started off with an ECHO which required me to lay on my side. Not very comfortable when you are still sore and bruised from the laparoscopy. They struggled to find my left valve...yeah, that was a bit worrying...and eventually decided it was underneath me and the only way to complete the ultrasound was for me to hang on to a grip bar over my head, keep my ass and legs on the bed and hang my chest off the edge! Painful without the war wounds! Next up was an ECG which was fine and painless.
Whilst at that clinic, a volunteer came and sat with me to explain what would happen and how long it would take. Lovely lady who had experienced cancer treatment herself. Also, Suki the MacMillan nurse popped by for a catch up. They really do look after you!
18 September 2018
An uncomfortable day today as the laparoscopy incision sites seem even more tender today. Bruising and swelling is going down but any touch on the sites is very painful. Doesn’t help that I caught my nail on one and even through 2 layers of clothes it was agony! I am a bit stiff as well.
Arrive home from work to yet another appointment. I now need to attend a pre assessment clinic on Friday so that will be my 3rd appointment this week and treatment hasn’t started yet. The appointment is at noon so I will need to leave work at 11:00 to allow for the travel time and finding a parking spot which is notoriously difficult after 10:00 each day! I had planned to leave work at 15:00 on Friday so no point going back in after the hospital. This will scupper my boss’s plans as she wanted a final meeting and work handover on Friday afternoon. Oh well, it is what it is.
19 September 2018
After working for 4 hours today I headed home at lunchtime to meet up with my husband and head off for my second visit to Walsgrave this week. We decided to leave early as we know that traffic can often be heavy and car parking is always a nightmare. Except not today. Easy journey, no hold ups on site and straight to a parking spot.
This appointment was in the Day Surgery Unit for the insertion of my PICC line. The staff were lovely, very friendly and there was a lot of banter. The procedure was explained to me as were the possible risks and only after they were happy that I understood everything did they ask me to sign the consent form. As a parting comment I was asked whether I was allergic to anything. I nearly gave my stock answer of “no” but belatedly remembered that I did have one so replied “no, nothing...well except nickel”. The looks on their faces were priceless. Because of the banter we had already enjoyed, I thought they were pulling my leg but, nope. Turns out the clip that secured the wire is made to stay in place for the duration of the chemo and is made of...yep, nickel. Fortunately they did have an alternative but warned me this would need to be changed each time my PICC site was dressed and I would probably be repeatedly asked why I hadn’t got the nickel clip. I dread to think of the trouble I would be in had I forgotten to mention the nickel allergy.
The preparation for the procedure took as long as the procedure itself. There was a small sting when the local anaesthetic was injected but after that, i didn’t feel a thing. My arm is aching a little this evening but other than that, it feels fine. I have to remember though that I have a foreign body in my arm and must watch for any sign of infection, DVT etc.. The site is covered with a waterproof dressing and the end of the line is secured and protected under an elastic dressing. I may acquire some brightly coloured socks, cut the foot part off and use that to protect the line...colour co-ordinate with my outfits. What do you think?
21 September 2018
Today was my last day at work before chemo. Quite a surreal day in all as I also had to attend the pre assessment clinic. Managed about 4 hours in the office in total which was not enough time to finish everything I wanted to but, that’s the way it goes!
It doesn’t feel real that I will not be at work for the foreseeable future. I feel and look fine. I am eating better than I have in a while and have managed to maintain my weight. I am going to make the most of this coming weekend before treatment starts as I know I won’t feel this way for a long while again.
23 September 2018
Had a lovely afternoon yesterday at my pre chemo party with some crazy people...you know who you are! Thank you to everyone who came (and those who couldn’t make it because of work commitments or ill health) for making it a special occasion.
Huge thanks to my daughter Tasha for planning and organising on a weeks notice!
Afternoon tea turned into an afternoon banquet complete with bunting, balloons, music and presents.
Thank you! 
24 September
Cycle 1...I am coming to get you!
Piece of cake...hope I don’t regret saying that tomorrow 
8 October 2018
Cycle 2, you may have been postponed but I have spent today generally stuffing my face so I am fit enough to tackle you tomorrow. Blood tests at 8:00am then hopefully all set to go at 9:30. Don’t let me down again white blood cells!
9 October 2018
Well, the white blood cell count came up trumps this morning and cycle 2 has now been completed. To try to increase these ready for next time, I now have to self inject 
drugs for 5 days pre cycle 3 to encourage my bone marrow to produce more of the little blighters. I now have more drugs to combat side effects and produce the good cells than I have chemo drugs!
Oh, and the hair needs to go! It is falling out in handfuls so off to get it shaved off tomorrow. But in the words of one of my most esteemed colleagues.. Conrad, you know it was you...hair is apparently sooo overrated.
Thank you everyone who has posted, messaged, emailed, texted or called. I truly appreciate your comments and support and this helps keep me positive and strong and determined to beat this! 
10 October 2018
Painting my nails before 7:00am when I have pins and needles in my fingers probably wasn’t the most sensible idea I have had recently!
16 October 2018
Self injecting? Just stab the needle in and plunge! Job done.
18 October 2018
I shouldn’t have been so smug...I now have every side effect associated with the injections! Went to husband for some sympathy and told him “I’ve got chills”. His response “ are they multiplying?” Gotta love him!
24 October 2018
So this time white blood cell count is good but platelets now too low! Currently awaiting results of more blood tests this morning to see whether chemo cycle 3 can proceed! Bloody bloods stop messing about!
31 October 2018
Well, the steroids strike again. No sleep yet so back on the sofa with a cuppa and biscuit. They leave me buzzing and I know I have another 2 nights of this. On the upside, they help keep the nausea at bay so worth it in the end. Silver linings...
16 November 2018
So, now cycle 4 is complete on to the next hurdle of surgery. I am a little apprehensive as this will change the when/how/what I eat for the rest of my life. No doubt some interesting and challenging times ahead coupled with 4 more cycles of chemo to battle through but I will face these challenges head on with a smile on my face and plenty of laughter feeling extremely grateful for the love and support of my family and friends.
1 December 2018
Well, what an amazing afternoon at The Yard of Ale in Stratford-Upon-Avon for the charity Head Shave in aid of Cancer Research UK. It was standing room only (and not much of that) as not only did the Wale and Rose families turn out in their masses, the pub locals were amazing supporters as were a number of others who are friends of the family and my wonderful brummie cousins who turned up as a fantastic surprise for me.
6 of my crazy family had their heads shaved today by 2 other family members raising a decent sum of money for this charity. The total raised has not yet been counted as money is still coming in but I hope to have a ballpark figure later today. The final figure will be published once all sponsorship has been collected.
Massive shout out to the pub for allowing us to use it as our venue, provided tea and coffee with proceeds to charity and joined in the merrymaking with gusto!
Resting up now as the Wale Family is off for a celebration meal...wonder if they allow woolly hats at that venue?
Surgery scheduled for 19 December and I will be in over Christmas.
10 December 2018
A massive £3122 was raised for Cancer Research UK. A fantastic achievement!
19 December 2018
Well, surgery day has arrived. Hubby was more nervous than I so got him to go home almost as soon as we arrived at the hospital. Have to admit the epidural was painful but I’m sure I will feel the benefits once I wake up!
20 December 2018
Well, I am still here and not feeling too bad. Observations every 30 minutes lead to a disturbed night but a necessary evil. Horrendous bruising from the palm of my hand to my elbow where they struggled to insert all of the lines but those will fade. I coped well apparently and have avoided the Critical Care Unit which is a bonus. The best news however is that I have retained a very small part of my stomach! Such a blessing given the original intent was for a total gastrectomy as I don’t need a feeding tube and recovery should be a little easier. Still on a clear liquid diet with the promise of a cup of tea tomorrow hopefully.
Got out of bed today to sit in the chair for half an hour. Nasal gastric tube and oxygen removed too so gradually getting “unplugged”.
24 December 2018
Merry Christmas Eve from UHCW. Feeling rubbish, not sure I will make it home for Xmas, missing family and friends but eternally grateful that I have been given a chance to beat this dreadful disease. There will now be other Christmases that I can plan and enjoy so whatever happens this year, just know “I will be back!”
Update:
After being told that I wouldn’t be allowed home by the doctors on the rounds, my surgeon has now decided I can go home this evening as I am doing so well. Just need the drainage tube removed. This though is a bit concerning as whilst it was felt that the site had stopped draining, once the tube was removed it was found to be blocked and dumped its contents over me and the nurse...gross! A colostomy bag is now being used to collect the fluid and fortunately I can still go home!
25 December 2018
Having expected to spend Xmas Day in hospital, so very thankful to have been able to spend it with my husband, daughter, son and their partners. Very tired but absolutely lovely day!
January 2019
A rough few weeks as I developed an infection around the drainage site. The pain was constant and horrendous. Literally no sleep for days at a time. An admission to hospital is being arranged to aspirate the collection of infection.
February 2019
Obviously with the threat of another hospital admission my body spontaneously expelled the infection! A very messy and smelly experience but the relief from the pain was very welcome.
8 February 2019
My sister is celebrating her 50th birthday today and her daughter has organised a surprise party for her. Unfortunately today is a rough day so I can’t attend. Gutted to be missing out on the day but that’s how it goes sometimes.
14 February 2019
Good news:
Hair has finally started growing again
Bad news:
Starting chemo again in the next couple of weeks so it will all fall out again
Good news:
Starting chemo again in the next couple of weeks, last part of treatment
Post op Chemo scheduled for 14 March...I will be glad to get going following the delays due to the infection.
13 March 2019
I had forgotten how the steroids pre chemo left me wide awake at stupid o’clock and buzzing! I remember now I have taken today’s dose ready for the first cycle of post op chemo tomorrow . Hopefully I will be allowed to have all 4 cycles - not many of us post op sufferers manage it as weight loss, lack of stamina etc mean the side effects
hit a lot harder. I am determined to give it my best shot and ring that metaphorical bell once they are completed.
14 March 2019
Cycle 5 of 8 completed!
10 April 2019
Penultimate chemo cycle completed! Needed an infusion of potassium before it could start but grateful I could complete it. Roll on cycle 8 of 8 in 2 weeks. Now have potassium drugs to take on top of everything else but will do anything and everything necessary to beat this hideous disease.
15 April 2019
Cold sore, sore tongue, joint pain, abdominal swelling and hot throbbing toes. The joys of side effects! Paracetamol on board but looking at another restless night. On a positive note, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
19 April 2019
Cold sores and sore mouth morphed into massive mouth and tongue ulcers, toes still throbbing but abdominal swelling and joint pain have subsided to be replaced by nose bleeds and conjunctivitis. I look like a zombie with massive dark circles around my eyes, eye ointment glistening, blistex marring my mouth, a red and swollen nose and rapidly thinning hair but a few hours sat in the garden in the glorious sunshine has cheered me up no end. Good job the neighbours can’t see me!
23 April 2019
Apologies for the long post! It has been a very strange and long day.
So today I had appointments for usual pre chemo blood tests and with oncologist to see if chemo was going ahead.
️ Whilst waiting for the blood tests as I arrived very early, I sat next to a lady who was relatively young but lived in a care home as she had mental health issues and was attending with her carer. She spent 35 minutes talking to me, very loudly in a packed outpatients about vaginas, arses, tits and sex! . All I could do was nod occasionally and pray for my name to come up on the board so I could escape, lol.
Blood tests were a nightmare. Chemo has damaged my veins and the one they managed to find collapsed. After 5 attempts at different sites by 2 different nurses, finally managed a slow trickle of blood and managed to get enough to test. Swollen and very bruised hand and inner elbow as a result.
️As expected more weight lost! That together with the number of side effects experienced and the length of time they lasted mean that cycle 8 of 8 will now not go ahead. Part of me is disappointed and part relieved if I am honest. After a long chat with the oncologist it was the right decision as the risks to me are much greater than the small benefit of completing the final treatment. I managed 3 full dose cycles post op which is more than many do so I am grateful for that and at peace with the decision. The virtual bell has been rung, yay. 
️Turns out I am a prime candidate for a clinical study to assess the benefits of aspirin on stopping or slowing the risk of the cancer returning in the next 5 years, which is currently quite high. Although the tests are randomised across 3 test groups, one of which is a placebo, I still have a 66% chance of getting either a 300mg or 100mg dose for the 5 years I would be on the study. Even if I get the placebo...and not even my GP will know...I could at least help future sufferers if the placebo group shows that cancer has returned. A no-brainer so I have agreed to take part. 
️My oncologist said she was happy for my PICC line to be removed today so off I go to the Arden centre for the 5 minute procedure. Last time a PICC was removed it was easy and pain free. Stick a plaster on afterwards and off you go. Today, not quite so simple! The PICC line is stuck! It will not come out. Extremely painful as they tried various methods to free the line. All I got was a muscle spasm that left my arm rock hard...I was quite impressed! Eventually the doctor was called and off I go to X-ray to see what the hell is going on. Nothing obvious apparently. Back to Arden where heat bags were applied to try to open up the vein to no avail. Next step, 6 injections of Lidocaine around the site to numb the area so they can try to “yank” it out. The line stretched but didn’t come free! So, back tomorrow to see the vascular surgeon who will use ultrasound to get a better idea of the issue. The current thought is that there has been some granulation around the line. They are hoping that they can somehow break that down to free it. Failing that I will need an incision around the site to remove it surgically. I left home before 10:00 and finally got back at 15:50 and £7 lighter for the car parking fee!
So, once again apologies for the long post. It has been a day of mixed emotions but overall, quite amusing. My aim now, once the bloody PICC line is removed, is to see the surgical team on Friday and hopefully get the all clear from the latest scan then concentrate on regaining some weight and stamina (and lets not forget the hair!) so that I am well enough to return to the crazy gang at work. I am feeling very positive for the future and returning to normal-not that I was really normal to begin with .
24 April 2019
PICC line now out, yay. There was a 90 degree kink in the line which was why it wouldn’t come out. More lidocaine and a sharp yank by the vascular access team solved the problem.
5 May 2019
No hair (again), don’t care!
20 May 2019
So my chemo brain isn’t quite as befuddled as I thought. Cognition tests undertaken today for the clinical trial and I scored 100% on everything plus am now the record holder by a significant margin for the main test! Go me.
4 June 2019
Met with my manager today to discuss a phased return to work. Hoping to go back part time from 1 August and gradually increase my hours returning to full time work in December.
8 June 2019
Today my husband and I hosted an afternoon tea party for the immediate family as a small thank you for the love, support and laughter over the past few months. It was lovely to see everyone. Slightly over catered but hey ho!
