Hello, i thought i'd try writing a blog to see how it helps.My name is Daisy i have just turned 21 and my Dad is dying of cancer.
5 weeks ago we were given the bad news that my dad had tumors on his kidneys, which has spread to his liver, lungs and scapula. The prognosis wasn't good, but we were told he had time, months possibly years. I came back from my holiday to find my dad had spend 4 days in hospital with pericardiatus ( i think ) but that was sorted out.
This morning i called an ambulance out because he was in an incredible amount of pain, i then had to go to work!! This afternoon i got a call telling me dad was being admitted and that they had found a tumor in his spine which is why he had become so weak and in so much pain. The specialist doctor has said dad has a few weeks. He;s only 55.
I don't understand how this could happen. I feel like a fool being on here, because i don't have cancer, i'm not dying. But watching him die is actually killing me.
I remember my dad being the bravest man i knew, he would fix anything i came to him with. Whenever i was hurting he would make it better. He would get rid of all the spiders and bugs in my room, and tell me and my sister made up stories about Princess Daisy and Princess Tor.
I don't know how i'm going to live without him, I've lived with him for 21 years, he's meant to be in my life. I don't want him missing out on things. I wanted him to walk my down the aisle and see his grandchildren.
I'm more worried about my mum, she doesn't really have any body else apart from us. She doesn't work and has no friends at all. Without dad she'll break, she's slowly loosing it, she doesn't like to be alone because dad is currently in hospital. She doesn't like to leave the house, she's a hermit. I don't want her to be alone. It's so upsetting because mum and dad are coming to terms with the fact that their future isn't going to happen, they had plans to retire to Wales, and that's not going to happen any more. Mum's going to be growing old without the love of her life.
It's crazy, how can someone (god) let this happen. My dad has never done anything wrong, so why would someone want to do this to him or to us. We're not bad people at all, never done anything illegal or wrong. I don't get why we're being punished.
I know i'm rambling and i apologise, i don't even know if people will read this or not. I don't really know what i want to get out of this. I guess i' feel better by letting it all out. addressing what happening. I keep wanting to pretend it's not happening, that dad will just come home and be fine and live forever. But it's not and i can't really come to terms with it. I don't understand how he has got so sick so quickly.
Anyhow, tomorrow is an MRI for him and perhaps some treatment to help him walk a bit better. This weekend i'm running race for life for him, we set this up when we found out it was cancer, we needed to do something positive for it. So maybe it's good we have something to focus on.
