This is my lifes main events to date,there is lots not
included,such as being shot,blown up,washed overboard 3 times,and having a
serious skull fracture which left me comotose a few days,short term mem loss
and the consequences of a life of Meniérés disease,in fact...if I had been a
cat in a previous life,I've used 8 of them hahaha,still lots of conversational
things lol...I put it so people can maybe understand the REAL me,its not a
attraction for sympathy,or pity,I never wanted, asked, nor got any,and I
suppose,others have similar,or worse stories to tell....everything I did,,,I
did alone,I join these sites hoping maybe to find a companion,but its doubtful.
----------------------------
Going to try to get it as brief as poss......
After a childhood of abuse/cruelty/starvation and branding with hot irons from
my Mother(read the book 'a child called it' )...my father being divorced from
her due to her working as a 'bar girl'throughout the war years.... I begged her
to allow me to join the Royal Navy...
She agreed on the condition I sent all my money home to her....I had an awful
childhood bullied cos obviously I smelt and was scruffy....so the navy was a
lonely place too,being not able to make friends as I wasn't use to
mixing...neither did I have the money to join them.
After I had joined the Royal Navy as a youngster to escape abuse at home...(the
conditions that I joined was that under written contract,I had to send almost
all my money home by allotment book,to my mother) at 18 I met and fell in love
with a WREN called ****,she was stationed at the Navy base nearby,we soon
became inseperable...I was so madly in love to the point of her name tattood on
my chest. She came from a privelaged family,her father being the chairman of
the ******* ********** all her family were in business one way or another,but
they all took to me like a duck to water.
Our engagement saw us receiving gifts galore from mostly her friends ( I had
not made many through my childhood abuse making me unable to mix) and blank
cheques from her family to get our home together..it was a beautiful
apartment,with everything you could hope for,it was 1966...5 weeks before our
planned wedding day,I sensed something was wrong...I coaxed and cojuled untill
she agreed to meet,previously we met almost nightly when not on duty, She told
me she had been offered a Navy commission...in those days,influential families
were offered officer status,it was,and still is,in places,class related. She
agreed that she couldnt mix marriage and a career (dont forget it was 66 and
service life was VERY differant)so she chose a career.
I was gutted,we said goodbye outside her navy base,me throwing the ring away
that she returned to me,I went back to my ship,and tried to kill myself,this
sadness was just more heaped at the time,on my sad life,and too much to take.
I was in a Royal Naval hospital for a few weeks,and deemed fit for
duties,so,after she had sold the contents of our flat,and split it 50/50,and
sending me my £1500( a lot of money in those days),I was 'sent off' abroad to
forget.....a standard forces reaction lol.
Everyday,I thought of ****,every birthday I sent a card to her home address,every
Xmas and Valentines day the same,and every July 4th,an anniversary of that
fateful day,a card to Spennymoor,her home address....I never tried to see her
or stalk her....just loved her daily,never ever got a reply or card or any
acknowledgement.
I married my ex because of her circumstances,she knew I would never love
her,and knew of my love for ****.
On millenium night,through the display bursting celebratory lights,I
realized...new millenium,new life,I wrote a final letter....it was to
****,telling her of my undying love all those years of which she must have
realized..I apologized for my stupidity at the time causing her distress and
embarrassment with family and friends,hoping she had forgiven me after all
those 34 years,I told her I had thought of her daily,mentally told her I loved
her daily,often several times a day..but the time had come to close the
chapter. I wished her every happiness in the new Millenium,but it was time I
moved on. I signed her letter with all my love forever remembered,sealed it,put
it in my safe,never to post,its still there I suspect...but it closed the
'book'drew a line in my sands.
ps I rarely think of her now.......
On leaving the Navy...I lived in a bedsit type part of a large house,I worked
as a head barman for the Hull Brewery Company and relief manager at their
biggest pub/hotel.
I had left the navy at 21 and at nearly 24...I asked a girl assistant at my
local self service shop,for a date,it was my first date since leaving the
Navy...in fact I only had 3 romances during my service,2 pre ****,and ****. I
never told my date '****' that I was working also that night,but she joined me
for a drink...that night was the 3rd Saturday in January 1971,we slept together
that same night....a few weeks later she told me she might be pregnant....it
was the honourable thing to ask her to marry...besides..I was alone...she was a
doormat to her elderly folks,and mainly..I never wanted any child of mine to
grow up fatherless as I had done....I told her I didnt love her,but we could grow
as friends.We married 27th March same year.
On August bank holiday Monday,she was really ill as I returned from work...we
managed to get her to hospital,and after a few weeks they brought ****** 'on'
early...its his birthday actually 13th October...although **** nearly died
several times.
Years of ill health followed and she was living at home with her folks who
watched her health as I returned to sea and various other jobs to support the
family and to get away from a mother in Laws house also.
On November 18th 1974 I had an accident on the oil rigs...broke my back,they
said I would never work or walk again...it took 6 years to prove them wrong...I
beat the illness to get walking,took 6 years in an out of hospitals etc,and in
August 1980 as I attended yet another medical,they found a tumour on my right
lung,they removed the upper lobe of the lung,2 years later it returned under my
chin (left side) removed and since then I have been clear years although I
still have asbestos damage as thats what caused it...
I hike and climb mountains lol....(ok I have pain....but I hike and climb hills
and shop with a heavy rucksack)
I was determined to make the best of it and so....using a small piece of land
at the rear of my home...I started a plant nursery and florists business,that
enabled me to work from home so to speak,bring up my children of whom I now had
another son but lost a daughter in between at a very young age....
****...by 1987 had developed mental illness by now,and with differing lengths
of time in respite from it,we continued,although her periods out of clinic and
her increased medication became more apparent.(I,in effects,was assisting
nursing her on and off,in and out of clinics,for 24 of the 32 years we were
together,then two years apart here,to divorce after 34 years married).
I worked 19 years from my business,with only 2 half days closed and 2 hours for
Princess Dianas Funeral.....I buried myself in my work...the years flew
by......
During the later years,my youngest son ****,developed a drug problem....I tried
and tried to get him cured to no avail,spending over £50'000 on rehabs and
furnishing homes for him and his young family, and fines and compensation costs
to keep him out of jail
He had started his partner on drugs also and both were in and out of Jail
untill eventually,both my granddaughters were taken into care....Whitby is all
I know as their area.....I have made provisions for them as they grow old
enough seeing as they are missing birthday/xmas and holiday treats pocket money
and gifts.
Millenium night meant to me a major turning point...as I sat there in my
office.....alone,sober,watching the fireworks burst into the night sky,and
hearing the street filled laughter and choruses of Hokie Cokies...I decided to
get a life.
The year 2000 and new Millenium....,I decided after consulting sons and her
care team,to take a year off.
I loaded a caravan with things for a year...closed my business so I could
restart again.....made sure ****** would be ok as hes disabled and my house in
Hull is adapted for him and...after watching foot and mouth detroy the Dales..I
decided that if new life was starting there...thats where I would also go.....I
booked into an outdoor centre DALESBRIDGE,in Austwick,on the Kendal Road,for a
year on July 13th 2002.
Soon after spending months up the hills sobbing and realizing that all my life
had gone.......****s care team contacted me and thought as I might be thinking
of early retirement,do I want them maybe to start divorce proceedings on her
behalf as its obvious she has no real quality of life and neither did I....
A Judge had to decide as she was classed as Non Compos Mentus and a Judges
Jurisdiction was prepared and he signed a Necree nisi AND Absolute same
day...after splitting all my accounts 50/50.... then...cos shes not able to
support herself a further 10%, plus... because ****** is still at my home
another 10%...I got 30% for all my work...I let them live at my Hull home as
its adapted for ******....they pay the bills,I go 50/50 with major repairs.
Incidentally,new medication this last six months has improved her and her team
thought it might be beneficial to get her a change of scenery and some country
air....we arranged her to visit here the other Tuesday till Sunday,I was not
really looking forwards to it,as its was our first together time since I
left,but we notified local doctors practice etc,I kept her occupied with walks
and visits to Leeds shops etc.It went ok.....
My attempt at a new life carries on,or is this the best I can expect
Oh well..... I went for my PET scan today,its a nuclear
material fixed on a glucose IntraVeinous line,then wait an hour,so the cancer
cells,being twice as active,will detect the glucose first,and frenzy
feed,therefore,they will take the nuclear material up and show up on the deep
scan first.
Its the way to detect if my cancer has spread...I see my Consultant Friday
1420...its my birthday,so I hope he gives me a gift of it hasnt spread beyond
the left lung,and he wants to allow an operation...with some chemo,he says he
then can give me 15% of survival chance in 5 years...without I got 6-9 + a
further 3-6 if chemo as well....fingers crossed.
I just was thinking,looking at looking good naked on TV....if mothers milk is
so full of antibodies etc...I wonder if I started drinking it,will I get a
cure........any volunteers anyone lololl
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Tuesday, April 29, 2008 0 comments
Well...... I guess the day the consultant told me,I had cancer,I may have been
slightly dazed and bewildered,plus his LCD screen was at a difficult angle to
see from where I was sitting opposite him,so its maybe NOT like a new birth,a
round babies head tight in the tube....(or was that all in my mind,something
new growing inside me??? !!!)Or as some might say... fanny on my mind lololl
hahaha
Anyway,hes sent me an email with the bronchoscope picture as I requested,its on
the left..
I have a full in depth scan tomorrow taking several hours,and if on Friday,when
I see the consultant at 1420 (my birthday),he sees there has been no spreading
elsewhere in my body,he will recomend a surgeons opinion.
St James hospital Leeds has already called with an initial appointment for May
9th at 1020,so we will see...I know already,that symptoms are moving fast,its
suprising me,mind you,he did say it will double every month,and its a month
since he said that.
God bless you all for the great support Im getting....cheers chink chink
Loves you all..........x
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Monday, April 28, 2008 0 comments
Well.... I saw the consultant today for my results,he said I
had a Non Small Cell Lung Cancer of the squamous cell type,he showed me a photo
he took during biopsy last week,it suprised me as I always imagined cancers as
a big monsterous angry mess but this looked like a little new flesh coloured
smooth ball sat neatly in the entrance to my left lung,the bronchii,Sat in the
neck of the tube it looked like a baby's head just showing at labour,strange my
thoughts,and NO,I dont have fannies on my mind lol.
He told me without treatment,I may have 6 - 9 months,with chemo,maybe can add 3
- 6 months,what he would like to see is if its spread elsewhere,if not,he wants
a surgeons opinion as to if its operable.
That opinion is critical as I already had lung surgery in 1980 on my right
lung,and they considering the risk factors on whether the remaining lung would
be strong enough should they remove the left .
I need to await a phone call,telling of appointment either at Bradford,or
Leeds,for an in depth scan,then after the results,a team meeting to put all the
cards on the table,either way,its all going to happen in the next 6 weeks.
He also told me he thought the tumour had ran 70 - 80% of its course,and that
maybe it had been growing 18 months,this accounts for a lot of symptoms this
last 15 months,including calling out the emergengy doctor one night late,last
January 2007.
My one regret is seeing so many of my friends becoming upset over me,I never in
my life wanted anyone to have hurt caused by me,and I know its not my fault,but
Im hating seeing so much pain...Im sorry,I truly am.
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Tuesday, April 22, 2008 0 comments
After a while of extra illness I decided to go to my GP as I
felt so wretched...I was waking at night with a feeling of drowning.My cough
wouldnt go away,feet ankles calves swelling with fluid,breathless on slightest
excersions.
They did all the usual tests and a X Ray,and on Thursday 3rd April 2008 my GP
called me to see her earlier than appointed time.
She apologized and said that I have lung cancer lower lobe left lung and the
bronchii...shes put me 'fast track' to Airdale Hospital Steeton,to get a CT
scan to determine its extent and what if any treatment can be offered.She set
up a patients helpline 24/7 and hopes I will be ok as I live alone,I told her I
been alone most of my life and had to sort everything out,of course I
will....its better alone as no one can see you cry whenever you want to...
So much for my new life and the misery goes on.....
Well my friends,
Just got home from Jimmies (Leeds University Teaching hospital),my surgery was
pencilled in for 830am,then...after tests yesterday,Mr Milton (the boss)was not
happy with the results.
The heart echo sounder ( Ultra sound) detected a heart fault,they suspect at
some time I have had a 'silent' heart attack,or 28 years of high blood pressure
has caused a valve fault.... Theboss (Mr Milton) sought a strong set of second
opinions from my team,even though,two weeks ago,he told me,one negative and I
fail...he so wanted to help me.
He called the anaesthetist in to see me early today,and re pencilled in my
operation as last on the list,so they could prepare for the worse (ie messing
about unhurried).
They said it was looking more and more risky for me,and that they could take me
to theatre,and without cutting,could simulate my body conditions as if in
surgery,to measure risks,they could also,use the cardiologist from my team,to put
maximum strain on my heart,to see its 'breaking' point under controlled
conditions,They could also keyhole cut and simulate a lung removal with its
associated stresses,but once opened up,no going back,the tumour is growing too
near my heart and dont give enough ' clearance' as the boss says.
Anyway....Mr Brown the anaesthetist called at 630 am to chat....he took all the
risks,and problems into account,and decided in favour of the rest of the teams
decision.that they dont want to create a 'ghost' of a man,sat in a chair,with a
oxygen mask,looking out of the window,at the hills he once climbed...(I said
neither do I )...the chances were that following the operation,very shortly
afterwards could be a respitory failure in the only half remaining of my right
lung.
To that purpose,they all refused to risk the operation...they are writing my
notes up with a recommendation for chemo and/or radiology....I agreed with
them....Im a proud person as those of you who are close enough know and hate
the thought of losing my independence and dignity.
So...the saga continues....I will keep you all updated
PS... on another ps,,, my correct oxygen machine was delivered Thursday by
Kevin (Air Products UK Ltd) it works a treat,and its running costs are credited
each quarter to my power account with EON.
A few of you asked me what a concentrator is so here is a link and you will see
it http://www.airproducts.com/medical/UK/homecare/homecare3.html
Thanks everyone for the prayers/thoughts and support...you might not think they
worked...but maybe,they helped a correct decision to be made and my life
extended even by a few months...Thanks guys...your the bloody best.....
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Saturday, May 31, 2008 0 comments
Labels: dedication, Jimmies, railway bench, Settle, tumour
Well my friends,
I had my oxygen cylinder delivered this week,but due to a misunderstanding,they
brought a cylinder (bottle) instead of a concentrator
A concentrator is similar to a small de humidifier,it takes atmosphere,scrubs
it,removes C02 and creates oxygen,as and when needed.
They re-ordered and it should arrive this week,the company who do all the air
work for the NHS are Air Products UK Ltd,their staff are all vetted and seem
quite caring as well as efficient.So 10/10 to them,well done Kevin.
A few friends and aquaintances have asked if there is a video anywhere of the
surgical procedure they are planning,well.... I have found a medical
instructional video for the not so squeamish,the link is on todays update.
Its called a left Pneumonectomy,as I had a right upper lobectomy in 1980,which
in those days was much more brutal lol.
Ok.... heres the link,I will update before the week ends Im sure,thanks again
all of you for the cards,crystals,angels,angel feathers and the txt and
telephone support,its been a god send,I love you all
http://anatomy.med.umich.edu/surgical_videos/pneumonectomy.html
ps if you click on the link,it will take you out of the blog,you will need to
back arrow to return to the blog if you have not finished getting bored by me
hahaha
Paul
xx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Saturday, May 24, 2008 0 comments
Well my
friends,
The dedication plate was delivered today,and,as a few of you wanted to see
it,here is what it looks like.
Hope its a long time before its fixed to the railway station bench.
You can see the reflection of the old style gas lamp on one picture,above the
bench,the other picture shows it being held in place on the back rest of the
bench,I am reassured that the finger prints on the brass will be polished off
when fitted hahaha.
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Wednesday, May 14, 2008 0 comments
Hello everyone,
Just having a cup of tea,1730 and been out since 0755 this morning,I went to
see the Chest surgeon Mr Milton.
What a nice guy,put me right at ease...he explained he was not prepared to take
the risk on me having a poor quality of life if he removed the left lung,it
would mean only half a lung supporting me.
He agreed I look fit enough to operate on,and that I looked after myself with a
healthy life,so...he wanted lots of tests done,he knows I had them all done at
another hospital,but he has confidence in his own team,own equipment,own
interpretations of readings,so I went through 9 tests in 5 departments.
He told me,in a few weeks time,he wants me to do them all again,and...if hes
happy,and his team are happy,hes going to try to remove the left lung and 'nip'
off the artery....if I agree.
He said surgery today is not as barbaric as what I had on my right lung in
1980,and apart from that...hes a better surgeon then the late K.K.Nair who
performed my right thoracic,with lots of post op problems such as drain pipes
ripped on on stretcher hook ups,inserting another drain only to find it was a
catheter and they should have not even BEEN on a thoracic ward,,,, still it was
fun at the time watching a student nurse faint onto the foot of my bed and be
carried out in the fresh air.
I have so many stories....if only you all knew.
Anyway....for obvious reasons,I am not going to state the dates on here of
possible surgery,or the hospital I will be admitted to...suffice that my very
close friends know in person not from reading my blog.
I feel more positive...thank you all for the thoughts,emails,angel
feathers,angels,crystals,cards etc etc etc,,,it warms me so much and I love you
all..........................
I also asked my surgeon...did you choose surgery cos you wanted to heal people,or
for the money....he said theres no money in thoracic surgery....he got hooked
as a lad watching Quincy on telly....but decided it would be nicer operating on
living people not forensic cadavers....I said thats all I wanted to
know.......he said dont fret...Im going to save your life.....I smiled...shook
his hand and said.....see thee......
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Friday, May 09, 2008 0 comments
Well..... its been not too bad a few days,some nights I slept,some nights I
never....but the goodness I feel from my friends contacting me is the best I
have ever felt in my life....I thank you all from the very depths of my heart.
I have been thinking this past few days,of an idea I had a while ago,long
before this health problem started.
I was hiking up on the old highway,top of Constitution Hill,very steep
climb,and in a short space of time,you are leaning on a dry stone wall,looking
down over Settle,my church,and the beautiful countryside,with the Lake district
hills in the distance.
I remember saying,if I die,I would like a bench up here along with a few others
who had had the same idea.
Well.... now all this health scare started,I decided to find out more,and e
mailed Settle Town Clerk,the replies pointed out facts of council
liability,insurance,specifications this that and the other,and a sum in the
region of £1600 or there abouts....I only wanted a dedication plaque or
something.
Then...on Saturday,awaiting a train,as usual,sat on my usual bench on Settles
beautiful village Station,it suddenly occured to me,some benches had dedication
plaques on them!!!!!!
I asked Geoff,one of the volunteers who keep our station immaculate,and he told
me its practically free and who to contact....the results being...after a few
emails to the (FOSCL) Friends Of Settle Carlisle Line,I have arranged a brass
plaque for the bench I usually wait at,either sitting or pacing
impatiently,awaiting a train.....its the seat on the left,as you pass
underneath the overtrack bridge,on the South bound to Leeds platform,it is positioned
in front of a modified old fashioned street lamp which stands in a flower
border,(ample space for birthday flowers lol)
The plaque will read ...
PAUL
A TAYLOR
SIT WITH ME AWHILE,MY FRIENDS,
FOR I HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE LINE.
I hope all my friends will remember where it is when they visit Settle walking.x
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Monday, May 05, 2008 0 comments
Oh well....here we are...1800 on May 2nd,just returned from
seeing my consultant Dr Rasheed,to get results of my deep scan....
He wasnt too pleased classified the tumour as T2 NO MO if you need more reading
its online in lots places....
So...its not good news,my cancer is big,and it looks as if its
invading my main artery....only the surgeon will know
in 3-4 weeks when he opens me up...if he can scape it
free and remove lung,then,with chemo,I can have a 15%
chance of a 3-5 year span,if its too attached to main
artery,then he will stitch me back up,give a course of
chemo,and wait till it takes its course,9 to 12 months
if Im lucky....we can only wait see.
Dont worry...there were lots of people in the chest
clinic,I felt sorry for them,they looked to be in
pain.....they shoot horses dont they!!!
So thats my update for you all.........keep fingers crossed
Surgery will be at St James hospital Leeds in the next 3-4 weeks,by Mr Milton....
Tarra for now xx
Dear God...I know you're watching over
me,and I'm feeling truly blessed,
For no matter what I pray for,you always know what's best!,
I have this circle of hand picked friends,who mean so much to
me,
Some days I 'send' and 'send' them text,at other times, I let
them be,
I am so blessed to have these friends,with whom I've grown so
close,
So this little poem I dedicate to them,because to me they are
the Most,
When I see each name download,and view the message they have
sent,
I know they've thought of me that day,and 'well
wished' their intent,
So to you, my friends, I would like to say,thank you for being
a part,
Of all my daily contacts,this comes right from my heart,
God bless you, is my prayer today,I'm honoured to call you
'friend',
I pray that God will keep us safe,until we txt again.
xPx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Sunday, June 29, 2008 0 comments
Well today I feel bit down,I had planned to attend UK's
first Veterans Day,and ,although I
received my medal early in the year,I was looking forwards to going to
Blackpool,as my friends know,I go to Blackpool
often.
I was really looking forwards to seeing all the events planned and yes,was
looking forwards to marching with my old comrades... unfortunately,Im not up to
it,and all though I suppose there will be lots and lots in a worse position
then me,I also have been told to rest up before my intense radiotherapy next
week for the whole of July,also I have a medical appointment arranged by my
solicitor, in connection with my past employment with asbestos.
Also,my GP rang yesterday to say,the blood test he had done last Tuesday,to see
if the new heart pills are affecting my kidneys,shows they are,so I have to
have another on Monday,if its still bad,I really dont know what they plan,I
hope they dont take me off the heart pills,they made me feel so much
better,before them,I was just an invalid,sleeping most of the time,or sat with
my oxygen mask on....we will see,fingers crossed again.
So.... any ex UK forces out there,I salute you,brother in arms.Any OTHER world
forces,I salute YOU too,god bless you all...amen
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Friday, June 27, 2008 0 comments
Do you know its Paddington Bears 50th birthday today.... I think hes the original 'hoody' he has a website too,just to lighten up this blog.... have a nice day,going for my marmalade sandwich see thee.......x
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Wednesday, June 25, 2008 0 comments
You really are a special lot,to worry as you do,
If you dont see updates on this blog you go boo hoo,
Please dont worry,Im ok,Im same as you,with a bad/good day,
I just decided,not to bore,you have YOUR lives,I know the score,
I decided just to put main things,you know,the kind that makes
phone rings,
You really dont need daily drivel,you have your own pains too,
If worried,then just contact me,I will reply to you.
Loves you all
xPx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Tuesday, June 24, 2008 0 comments
Well hello,
Its Wednesday,the day of the race has arrived at last and I am feeling a little
apprehensive,the thoughts of the unknown,people to meet on my new treatment
team,new machines to understand,new hopes of a cure....lets hope my prayers and
the very many from my friends are answered.
Not sure if treatment starts today,or if,as I suspect,its the intoduction day
as in the information given to me by Dr Henry's staff last Friday,and in my
brief letter from Leeds,or as this brilliantly informative site tells...in case
you have not yet visited it,heres the link again Click
on external beam.
Well I have to say that the new heart pills are fantastic,I feel like a new man
(where can I get one at this time of day...[Dick Emery voice]you are
awful....but I like you )hahaha.Incase you are wondering they are Irbesarten
and Clopidogrel...
strange sounding names I agree but for the technically minded,they strengthen
my heart,thin my blood,reduce my BP,and boy,do I feel so much better,the fluids
are gone from my calves,ankles and feet,I can wear normal shoes,and my feet look
their normal boney sinewy selfs after months of looking like swollen cushions
lol,also the fluid seems gone from my lungs which means I can feel the starts
of my cancer pains,but at least I am feeling alive,not sleeping exhausted or
sat in my chair with my oxygen mask bringing me relief for hours on end.
Bless all scientists who struggle through University and colleges to learn
enough to discover these new drugs,bless also,the parents of the students who
struggle to support their childrens learnings,here is my public thank you,here
too is a public thank you to my GP Doctor Ashley Davies of Settle Health
Centre,what a bloody brilliant GP...thank you sir....
Right...I've bored you all enough,time for a cuppa,watch the news,shower then
await hospital transport to Leeds...cheerio everyone,may your own Gods go with
you
xPx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Wednesday, June 18, 2008 1 comments
Well,its Friday 13th,today I met my Oncologist today
(specialist in tumours and cell mass),very clever lady,very informative,told me
all that was planned,and that it takes time to set it all up as they intend to
try intense radiotherapy as soon as its all in place.
It involves lots of technicians/doctors,nurses etc,and lasts 4 weeks,consisting
of ray bombardment of the tumour on 5 consecutive days,2 days to rest to allow
nearby 'good' cells chance to recover,for 4 weeks.
The treatment she hopes will be a success,and the win rate is 40%,the
remainder,the tumour is stunted and shrunk,still a threat,but allowing more
time in life then is at present predicted without treatment,which in my case,in
April,was 6-9 months,so anything is a bonus.
She described all its ins and outs and merits and shortcomings,most are on this
site for you to look through for information,there are links to all your
questions on the left,interesting reading.
My friends will have realized by now,this blog is not about Me Me Me..its here
for everyone who has the illness,or their friends,families,Im hoping,through my
experiences,to shed lights on gloomy areas.
Heres the link Radiotherapy
link click here
When I got home from Airedale,I expected a 2 week wait to set it all up as she
described,which worried me into thinking "another month and my clocks
ticking away" but when I arrived home,an appointment was waiting to get
measured up on Wednesday...she is bringing in a Cardiologist as shes still very
concerned over my weakened heart,so am I,so is my GP,who rang me later in the
afternoon,to say he had sent a prescription to the chemists for new heart
pills,please God they work.
Will keep you all posted,bless you all,you are all very important to me,even
the strangers who E Mail me,thank you and bless you too
Paul
xx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Friday, June 13, 2008 0 comments
How I feel
Am I yesterdays hero?,was Gene Pitney right?,
Do I cry my lonely days or cry my lonely night?,
I cared for people all my life,
To God, its plain to see,
And now a possible end draws near,
Selected, cares for me,
Do I want to see their hurt,their sadness and their tears?,
When I walk alone that path,that erases all my years,
Memories,I take with me,but lots and lots are bad,
But the good ones ,make up for the rest,with goodly times I've had,
So much I wanted,with my life,so much still to do,
If you are part of my muchness,then I am part of you.
xPaulx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Wednesday, June 11, 2008 0 comments
Hello people,
Today I had to visit my chest consultant,first time since the surgical
disappointment,he was very disappointed for me,but,after listening to my chest
etc,he said another course of action can be tried.
Not as successful as surgery,and my heart probs now restrict chemotherapy
chemicals,so radiotherapy is next attempt.
I'm to see a Doctor Henry,a lady oncologist,on Friday,and she is to investigate
the probability of starting intense radiotherapy.
Using my pet scans,and a computer they are able to guide the sight exactly
where they want to administer treatment waves,to attempt kill off or
dramatically reduce the tumour,if not to cure,then at least prolong my life
expectancy...I'm, all for that.
It will be a daily blast of waves,for 1 month,hoping to do its expected job,if
not,a small rest up,and do some more.
Then,just monitor tumour and if it gets cheeky again,blast it....there you have
it...we have the technology...we can rebuild him...by the time they
finish...will I be worth 6 million dollars,or just a funfair side show,with an
illuminous willie.....if you visit,pays yer dollar,and wear shades hahahahaha
See thee
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Monday, June 09, 2008 0 comments
Im so over whelmed by all my friends thoughts and words and acts of
kindness,after a lifetime of aloneness,its taken me this far to realize.
My church decorated the little prayer corner last Thursday knowing I would
visit before Friday,they also arranged my rosary on the altar cross,they said
prayers Friday for me,maybe the prayers were answered in a right decision being
reached
One recently made friend has searched extensively for a certain plant
seed,despite being ill,shes found one she wants to have me scatter on the
little flower border behind my bench.
It flowers early May,and that of course is my birthday,the seeds are
myasotis...otherwise known as Forget me nots.
There are far to many kindnesses to mention here,besides,its difficult typing
when I cant see the keyboard cos my glasses are acting like dams for my tear
ducts.
I guess its like most of you say,its only being such a nice guy that leaves a
good impression,what goes around,comes around,I can only say I tried,and thank
you so much.
A quote recently told....
" to be born a gentleman,is an accident.... to die a
gentleman is an achievement".....at l
I needed to chat to my blog today,all my life,right from my
abused childhood,I have put on a brave couldn't care less face...my shield
against everything.
Today...I'm scared...I feel like running away but there is nowhere to run to,I
know I should stay positive but I feel as if I am now on a conveyer belt,
heading towards a crusher..... I hope today is not the start of the end.
Tarra....will let you all know as usual...sorry if I seem negative today....I
even prayed but could not feel Gods presence,but thats daft cos hes always there
for everyone.....sorry God x
P
love you all
xx
Afternoon edit............
Well I went for several scans,must wait now till February 9th for consultants
results...fingers crossed.
About me feeling scared this morning,well.... I got to the hospital waiting
room and picked up a very old magazine,expecting to read about the relief of
Mafekin,I opened it to read wise words from Nelson Mandella.
quote "The brave man is not he who does not
feel afraid,but he who conquers fear"unquote......
Today I felt a brave man......thank you God...
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Friday, January 30, 2009 0 comments
Bit scared today.... I was not feeling too bad after
yesterday when I had a really bad turn in the shower,similar to the one I had
in July last year when my lung reinflated.
Not sure if same happened yesterday but my breathing felt a little better and
was easier to cough debris up (yuk...sorry)
Wasn't feeling too bad this morning,walking to papershop I coughed gently,knew
I had cleared debri and found a drain in the gutter to discreetly get rid..(you
would be suprised how many tissues I buy).....there was bright red clot of
blood,it scared me,I was dreading a day when that happened when I had not been
straining myself to cause blood vessels to rupture.... I'm praying its not
another step closer in this terrible disease and that its only a little
'show'.....fingers crossed.
Sorry to post but I'm a bit scared and needed to get it off my chest (no pun
intended).
Take care everyone
Loves you all................................
Publish Post
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Thursday, January 22, 2009 0 comments
Hello everyone,
Oh well...first visit to the chest consultant this year was today,I had to tell
him about pains in my back and neck,breathlessness returning,both arms pins and
needles,pain in ribs and chest and feeling bruised on the side of neck similar
to tonsilitis.
I had new chest X rays due which were taken,they showed lots more clouding
which Mr Raashed was not to happy with.
He told me the radical intense radio therapy last year we all knew about the
collateral damage it would do,my gullet is still causing me nausea,and so the
clouding he said,lots were scaring and fibrosis hardening through RT,but he
didn't really like the look or the amount of it in conjunction with the other
returning symptoms.
I could tell by his attitude also...last year it was " we will give you
intense radiotherapy to kill it,keep your faith"...today was "
well,surgery would have helped a lot more,but you were too weak to have it,plus
there was heart damage to a valve,plus a tumour growing parallel to the main
artery...so we had to do RT,which we all knew was only 40% chance of
success". HUH !
Anyway...he arranged a CT scan in the next 2 weeks if I wanted it,plus he
examined my neck telling me there was swollen lymph glands,which he wasn't
happy with and asked if he could arrange a needle biopsy at same time as the
scan,I agreed of course.
He said,he will see me in 3 weeks,and see the results of CT/biopsy,and then
arrange for me to be admitted again overnight for a bronchoscope again,same as
I had before,the one which produced the picture of the tumour sat in my left
bronchii which is on this blog earlier.
Well my friends,thanks so much for all your thoughts,cards and prayers,they
really do mean so much,please dont think I am letting you down...I really
really am trying and eating healthily etc...fingers crossed.
I have,since last year,kept mental stepping stones,to aim for in this dangerous
river I find myself trying to navigate.
I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again...kick snow again...toast my Christmas day
turkey with a small malt....see the new year in.... see the first black
president sworn into office...ok so far..... I'm starting to get to a point
of,thank you God I awoke this morning...I suppose we all get like this at
times.
Its lovely knowing you are all there for me.....tarra for now........... Dont
cry for me Argentina....
Bit scared today.... I was not feeling too bad after
yesterday when I had a really bad turn in the shower,similar to the one I had
in July last year when my lung reinflated.
Not sure if same happened yesterday but my breathing felt a little better and
was easier to cough debris up (yuk...sorry)
Wasn't feeling too bad this morning,walking to papershop I coughed gently,knew
I had cleared debri and found a drain in the gutter to discreetly get rid..(you
would be suprised how many tissues I buy).....there was bright red clot of
blood,it scared me,I was dreading a day when that happened when I had not been
straining myself to cause blood vessels to rupture.... I'm praying its not
another step closer in this terrible disease and that its only a little
'show'.....fingers crossed.
Sorry to post but I'm a bit scared and needed to get it off my chest (no pun
intended).
Take care everyone
Loves you all................................
I needed to chat to my blog today,all my life,right from my
abused childhood,I have put on a brave couldn't care less face...my shield
against everything.
Today...I'm scared...I feel like running away but there is nowhere to run to,I
know I should stay positive but I feel as if I am now on a conveyer belt,
heading towards a crusher..... I hope today is not the start of the end.
Tarra....will let you all know as usual...sorry if I seem negative today....I
even prayed but could not feel Gods presence,but thats daft cos hes always
there for everyone.....sorry God x
P
love you all
xx
Afternoon edit............
Well I went for several scans,must wait now till February 9th for consultants
results...fingers crossed.
About me feeling scared this morning,well.... I got to the hospital waiting
room and picked up a very old magazine,expecting to read about the relief of
Mafekin,I opened it to read wise words from Nelson Mandella.
quote "The brave man is not he who does not
feel afraid,but he who conquers fear"unquote......
Today I felt a brave man......thank you God...
PINK JULIE
Ok everyone,you all know me,if I see something worth while,then I shout about
it.
I kept seeing this pink car around
Craven,plastered in stickers,I read them a few times in Morrisons car
park...poor lass I thought,I know what shes going through,so......whats it all
about???........
Its about Julie and other sufferers and bone
marrow and blood transfusions and fund raising and awareness and and and
PHEW................ ok log onto her supporters website and see what YOU can
do....go on....ya kna ya wanna!!!!
PINK JULIE
Also,while you are all doing nothing hahaha....log onto here and light a candle
for friends.....
Light
a candle dont forget search groups (top left) my group is P.A.T
Dont forget to hold down Ctrl (bottom left of keyboard) as you left click
links,or you will get booted off the page....but ya knew that didn't ya???
Tarra
God bless
Paul
xx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Saturday, February 21, 2009 0 comments
Hello there,
Just back from seeing the consultant Dr.Raashed,nice chap,he was really pleased
about the ultra sound last Thursday and no need for lymph node biopsy.
The scan pictures the week prior,looked,as I said to a few of you,quite
blotchy,well,he said it was the lung that had really been radically fried,and
therefore it was not possible to detect any tumour growth or not,so,to be on
the safe side,he wants me in hospital for a bronchoscope (camera
down,and samples) on 24th of this month.
Its the only way he can be sure whats going on.
He has meetings with my team on the Friday,and if the broncho is clear,he will
see me in 3 months for more tests,if not,he will telephone me to attend the
clinic to see him on the Monday.
So....fingers crossed again.
Cheers,thanks for all the good wishes
Paul
xx
love you all.
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Monday, February 16, 2009 0 comments
Happy Saint Valentines Day.... Love is all around you
(dont forget to hold down Ctrl key (bottom left corner) before left clicking a
link,or you will leave the page)
Just thought you might be interested that at 11am GMT today,it is 40 years
since I left the Royal Navy....
Have a good day everyone.
Love
Paul
xx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Saturday, February 14, 2009 0 comments
Well my friends,today I had to go for my ultra sound and
needle biopsy on my lymph nodes that arer swollen on my neck.
After a really good ultra sound reading,the radiographer said the lymph looks
clear of any cancer or tumour mass of any description and all he can see is
enlarged salaver glands.
We think that,when they did intense radiotherapy,it also fried some of my
gullet as previously mentioned,causing nausia and sickness,although that is
getting to be less of a problem lately.
Along with the nausia is an excess of salaver,so I think the glands have been
over worked.
But thank the lord no spread of cancer cells,and thank YOU all too for your
continued prayers,my life is in your hands,bless you all
Paul
xx
P.S. Appointment is through to see Dr Raashed on Monday coming at 1100am...will
find out scan results.
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Thursday, February 12, 2009 0 comments
Well...its Monday,I went all that way to see the
consultant,he said hello,good morning,did you have your scan?,I said yes,and I
have a biopsy on Thursday...which Thursday?,he said...THIS Thursday said
I...OH!...ok....I better see you NEXT Monday,sorry for the confusion.
gggrrrrrrrrrrr
More fingers crossed please .............. as it stops nail biting lol
P
xx
Posted by Yorky_Paul at Monday, February 09, 2009 0 comments
Well....
As I said last week,Dr Raashed told me,if any abnormalities show up on the
scans again,especially the lymph nodes on my neck which are swelling quite a
lot,then he will order a biopsy.
Todays mail brought appointment for biopsies on Thursday 12th at 1130,(day
before Friday the 13th) lol....good job I am not superstitious touch wood touch
wood shakespeare,click fingers, hahaha
I expect he will tell me all about the scans on Monday when I see him
next.......
More fingers crossed please...(bet you lot are getting fed up)
P
Well...its Monday,I went all that way to see the
consultant,he said hello,good morning,did you have your scan?,I said yes,and I
have a biopsy on Thursday...which Thursday?,he said...THIS Thursday said
I...OH!...ok....I better see you NEXT Monday,sorry for the confusion.
gggrrrrrrrrrrr
More fingers crossed please .............. as it stops nail biting lol
P
xx
Well my friends,today I had to go for my ultra sound and
needle biopsy on my lymph nodes that arer swollen on my neck.
After a really good ultra sound reading,the radiographer said the lymph looks
clear of any cancer or tumour mass of any description and all he can see is
enlarged salaver glands.
We think that,when they did intense radiotherapy,it also fried some of my
gullet as previously mentioned,causing nausia and sickness,although that is
getting to be less of a problem lately.
Along with the nausia is an excess of salaver,so I think the glands have been
over worked.
But thank the lord no spread of cancer cells,and thank YOU all too for your
continued prayers,my life is in your hands,bless you all
Paul
xx
P.S. Appointment is through to see Dr Raashed on Monday coming at 1100am...will
find out scan results.
Happy Saint Valentines Day.... Love is all around you
(dont forget to hold down Ctrl key (bottom left corner) before left clicking a
link,or you will leave the page)
Just thought you might be interested that at 11am GMT today,it is 40 years
since I left the Royal Navy....
Have a good day everyone.
Love
Pau
Hello there,
Just back from seeing the consultant Dr.Raashed,nice chap,he was really pleased
about the ultra sound last Thursday and no need for lymph node biopsy.
The scan pictures the week prior,looked,as I said to a few of you,quite
blotchy,well,he said it was the lung that had really been radically fried,and
therefore it was not possible to detect any tumour growth or not,so,to be on
the safe side,he wants me in hospital for a bronchoscope (camera
down,and samples) on 24th of this month.
Its the only way he can be sure whats going on.
He has meetings with my team on the Friday,and if the broncho is clear,he will
see me in 3 months for more tests,if not,he will telephone me to attend the
clinic to see him on the Monday.
So....fingers crossed again.
Cheers,thanks for all the good wishes
Paul
xx
love you all.
PINK JULIE
Ok everyone,you all know me,if I see something worth while,then I shout about
it.
I kept seeing this pink car around
Craven,plastered in stickers,I read them a few times in Morrisons car
park...poor lass I thought,I know what shes going through,so......whats it all
about???........
Its about Julie and other sufferers and bone
marrow and blood transfusions and fund raising and awareness and and and
PHEW................ ok log onto her supporters website and see what YOU can
do....go on....ya kna ya wanna!!!!
PINK JULIE
Also,while you are all doing nothing hahaha....log onto here and light a candle
for friends.....
Light
a candle dont forget search groups (top left) my group is P.A.T
Dont forget to hold down Ctrl (bottom left of keyboard) as you left click
links,or you will get booted off the page....but ya knew that didn't ya???
Tarra
God bless
Paul
xx
Well now,
As I said about my bronchoscope the other week,the consultant Dr Raashed told
me,if they found cause for concern,they would ring me on the Friday to make appointment
to the Monday clinic to discuss it.
I never got any calls or letters so we all thought GREAT....
Early today,patient transport arrived to take me to his clinic,I never knew
anything about it,no calls,no letters,nothing...the driver couldn't wait as I
wasn't ready,as I knew nothing at all about it.
I rang his secretary and the clinic to tell them,they said letter was sent on
the 25th, the day after my bronchoscope, so it must be urgent!!!it must be lost
in the post.
They are telling Dr Raashed and I hope he can arrange for NEXT Monday.....mean
while,I am seeing my GP tomorrow,so maybe he can tell me any results.
More fingers crossed please
Dam,Dam...I was getting so pleased too
Paul
xx
Well then,
Went today to Dr Raashed clinic at Airedale,he had a couple of medical
students,I dont mind them being there if it helps their education to cure
people in the future.
He was pleased at the way it has gone,with results of bronchoscope,and scan
pictures although he has reservations hes not 100% sure of,thats the impression
I get.
He's recommending another PET scan
to see if there are any positive cell clusters lurking elsewhere in my body,if
so,then it will be chemotherapy.
I have just finished a course of anti biotic for a chest infection,so the PET
will be arranged for 4 weeks,in the meantime,a course of steroids in
preparation for 3 weeks.
As long as I dont start eating more or putting on weight,I had put on 3 pounds
in the past 3 weeks.
Had a blood test today too,he wanted to check cancer markers this is
why (dont forget to hold down Ctrl key (bottom left corner) before left
clicking a link,or you will leave the page).
Its a case of the intense radiotherapy fried the lung... so its extremely
difficult getting X-Ray pics through the fibrous tissue..(like an old leather
bag) lol
Thats why he has to rely on bronchoscopes and pet scans
Thanks everyone for the support,fingers crossed.
Incidentally,he wants me to attend a cancer team meeting,to give my
opinions,good OR bad on the treatments and practices I have encountered this
past year,for some reason he says I am intelligent lol
Am awaiting letter of invitation and transport arranged for me too,in the
educational suite on 30th March
Will let you all know...(I asked if tea and biccies (he laughed) lol wait till
he gets my bill for consultancy services) hahahaha
Paul
xx
Well..... these steroids... they make me insomniac,been
awake since 3am,its 0451 and sat here with a cup of tea.
I must admit they also giving me 'bounce' friends say I am my old chatterbox
self,not sure if its the unseasonal spring weather,the daylight increasing,or
these pills...I feel positively manic at times....bordering on high lol.
Appetite is raging,its difficult stopping nibbling,as soon as I feel well
enough,I want to be hiking to remove these 2 stones almost that I have put on
this past 18months,its not me at all carrying a 'stomach',friends say it suits
me,but I have kept toned all my life,why spoil it at 60.
Its nice starting a week with a diary clear of medical appointments,it wears
your soul down,one appointment after another,another department,yet another
professional to chat too,but as I said before,how wonderful we have these
dedicated people,and how great the NHS...ok...we all knock it at times,but when
something serious rears its ugly head,it all swings into place,for that I am
eternally grateful,thank you everyone,and thank YOU all my friends for your
unfaultering support,with the exception of the odd 'fair weather friend ' your
support pulled me through.Its the same throughout life,thats why we have our
little 'boxes' marked friends,marked acquaintances.
I bet I fall asleep on the bus later lol I have to go shopping to collect a
Easter gift and a birthday card for a dear friend,I might get a get well soon
as she is ill again.
Cheerio for now,love you all.
I am in REMISSION.............................
Hurrah hurrah hurrah.........................what a great feeling.....
Just back from Oncologist who says I am in remission,carry on as I have been
doing stay positive,see me in a year,but chest consultant every 3 months with
chest investigations and xrays/bronchoscopes etc.
The tumour is still there,half the size of its original angry size,and it has
stayed that size since January,half the size of the cap of an aerosol can,so
she cannot say I am cured.
The nuclear scan I had in April reports no 'hot spots' (cancer cell clusters)
any where from neck to ankles,they never did brain as its not so long since a
brain scan which was ok.
She is really pleased cos as she said " I have really been through a
lot,and at the start it was touch and go,but I am looking so well,and gave me a
hug,which was nice,shes a really nice lady,soft Irish accent and young lol AND
married gggrrrr..
She regrets that they cannot do anything to repair the damaged heart valve
except a heart replacement,but that is not a consideration at present as my
breathing would cause complications,obviously.
So my friends,a really really big thank you for all your support which
without a doubt has kept me going through some really dark times,God bless you
all and thank you my forever friends.
Love you
Paul
xx
Happy birthday to me.....Happy
birthday to me.....
Well here we are...I find it so strange but so exciting....
Years ago,because I never had a birthday celebration,I decided to make my 40th
a special day... but I worked as normal 14 hours,it came and went...no big
deal... so I decided my 50th would be special with a celebration of reaching
the milestone...It came and went,I worked the usual 14 hour day,it passed by
again....so I decided,DEFINITELY my 60th would be a day to remember.
If you have been following this blog journey of mine,you will know that on my
60th,last year,the consultant told me I had 6 to 9 months left to live because
of lung cancer.
So........having made my peace with God,and arranging my affairs,my friends
needs etc and my funeral,I continued,with the help and support of my chosen few
hand picked friends,and the medical team,I took on its fight for life.
I set myself little milestones in my mind,also being reminded almost daily by
memories and things in the news or around me,that time was ticking and I needed
to fight.
Little milestones such as,I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again.....to kick
winter snow again.....to toast my turkey with a glass of malt ( a tradition of
mine every Christmas) to give thanks for Christmas day.....to hear the bells
ring in the New Year.....to visit one of the navy ships I helped prepare for
retirement from the fleet.....to visit the garden of remembrance at
Aberfan,where,as a young man,I was part of the volunteers that helped dig the
school children from the disaster when the coal tip slid onto the school.....to
see the clocks be put forwards to BST.....to worship extra at Easter
time.....to see friends win their Tribunal cases as they had been treated so
unfairly,to spend quality time again driving around,chatting and laughing,one
to one,with my Scottish friend again ,to see my dear friends new house
completed to see her happy face .....to get a birthday gift for my friends
daughter as I am not sure if she really likes me or not,her birthday is the day
before mine so if I did,I would only be a day away from MY special day.......to
see a friend take a well earned holiday as she was scared to go last year in
case I took a turn for the worse.....AND........to celebrate my birthday
again.........
In between these major points,small things such as,will I see the new Skipton
bus station complete and open,I also got a book of vouchers for a free daily
paper for 6 weeks,would I use ALL the vouchers?,I have always wanted a
really good telescope to view the heavens,and a guitar because I always wanted
to see one on its stand in the corner as I missed all my youth of happy hippy,I
wanted to visit the new Asda store when it opened at Keighley,and the new Super
Tesco open in Skipton....and see the new beach area around the bridge at
Giggleswick,where I feed the ducks....
Well...Autumn came early,so did winter snow,I had my Christmas dinner,I watched
the television as the new year was welcomed in from HMS Belfast,a ship I put in
mothballs for retirement,for its trip to Tower Bridge,I read ALL my daily
papers not a voucher wasted,bought a high powered scope and realized how
beautiful heaven is and which star will my soul inhabit,strummed my new
acoustic guitar often,each time,returning it to its stands and smiling a smile
of missed youth,I traveled the Skipton bus from the new excuse for a station
lol,I watched a TV program where a secret millionaire visited Aberfan,whilst
there,she visited the memorial gardens,I put all 13 clocks forwards an hour at
BST,I worshiped extra for Easter in my church and gave extra thanks,I had wonderful
weekend visits from dear friends,saw my friends new house very nearly
completed,and had a lovely birthday meal out with friends after a lovely day
out with friends in Leeds.......had a wonderful weekend with my Scottish
friend,driving around Yorkshire Towns and the Lakes area,laughing and
joking,one to one,it was brilliant,my friends daughter was delighted with her
gift on her birthday and sent me a lovely text,and my other friend goes on her
holiday tomorrow............and here I am,writing my birthday blog entry......
The journey continues.....thanks to you,my very special friends,god bless you
all.
Paul......xx
............................Happy birthday to
me.....Happy birthday to me.....Happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Happy
birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee x
PS The new Asda superstore and the Tesco dont
get finished till Autumn,so I have to keep fighting,and Giggleswick bridge is
days from completion.
Hello my friends,how good do I feel?.....
Today I had to go for the results of my PET scan that I had on April 14th,the
scan is where they feed you nuclear isotope on glucose via intravenous drip,and
after allowing it to flood the body,they take thousands of 3D pictures of the
whole body from neck to feet,the idea is,that cancer cells gorge themselves on
the glucose and take more isotope before ordinary cells have chance to
feed,therefore,when scan is taken,any clusters of angry cells,show up like hot
spots giving a 3D image of any new growth,anywhere in the body.
The consultant told me,there was no sign of new growth and he was delighted at
my progress.
He wanted new X Rays today as a comparison,and wants to see me in 12 weeks,he
told me he's pleased with my attitude and recovery rates and said he was not
sure what I was doing but keep it up.
Its not only about my attitude and you all know it... its the love and prayers
and thoughts received from you all on a regular basis of which I cannot thank
you all enough.
My life has literally been in your hands,the hands you all held together in
prayer,I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my damaged heart.
All I can do is continue the battle which we have all been part of,and keep our
faith.
I still have my Oncologist appointment on May 22nd,I hope SHE is as pleased.
Tarra for now as I am having difficulty seeing the screen...love you all.
Paul
xx
Oh well, another boring weekend... I was all ready at 0745
on Friday for my patient transport,it was late, so as normal,I rang the
transport office,they had no appointment for my collection,yet I had the
letter... oh well...wait till secretaries arrive in their offices at 0830 in
Airdale and Leeds hospitals to find out why.
After numerous phone calls,it was found that the Oncologists secretary sent me
the appointment date letter with transport details,but failed to tell the
transport desk.
She apologizes profusely....."its ok" I said,but under my breath I
thought.... I wonder how YOU would feel,waiting to get news from the Oncologist
about your cancer...life or death... and having to wait yet ANOTHER week??
Cant be helped,also I tried to rejoin an old chat sites a few weeks ago and
after a few days,still met hostilities head on,I really cannot understand
why,after all,its the main reason I started this blog years ago,to explain
about the real me,and my quietness and inability to mix due to my childhood
abuse and experiences...so its not been a good weekend...why am I hated so much
when I am so full of kindnesses?.I suppose I ought to be use to it at my age
but will I ever???
Glad my blog is there as a silent listener to my thoughts.....
I am in REMISSION.............................
Hurrah hurrah hurrah.........................what a great feeling.....
Just back from Oncologist who says I am in remission,carry on as I have been
doing stay positive,see me in a year,but chest consultant every 3 months with
chest investigations and xrays/bronchoscopes etc.
The tumour is still there,half the size of its original angry size,and it has
stayed that size since January,half the size of the cap of an aerosol can,so
she cannot say I am cured.
The nuclear scan I had in April reports no 'hot spots' (cancer cell clusters) any
where from neck to ankles,they never did brain as its not so long since a brain
scan which was ok.
She is really pleased cos as she said " I have really been through a
lot,and at the start it was touch and go,but I am looking so well,and gave me a
hug,which was nice,shes a really nice lady,soft Irish accent and young lol AND
married gggrrrr..
She regrets that they cannot do anything to repair the damaged heart valve
except a heart replacement,but that is not a consideration at present as my
breathing would cause complications,obviously.
So my friends,a really really big thank you for all your support which
without a doubt has kept me going through some really dark times,God bless you
all and thank you my forever friends.
Love you
Paul
xx
Well.... as I said in a previous post,I rejoined
freedating.co.uk again,for the 5th time in 4 years,hoping it had changed,but
alas,with the exception of a very few members (count on one hand) it remains a
closed shop....all in their little cliques with I suspect,more action going on
in pm or on messengers than actually goes on in the forum,I thought maybe I
would get some interaction,some company,but no,they all seem to be the
same...in their little playground gangs
Oh well... back to my multi channel telly and my few dedicated friends.
If you are thinking of joining dating sites,take my advice and DON'T lol
Have a good day,stay safe
My eldest son George passed away on Thursday 2nd July 2009
at 0840, after a long illness,he would have been 38 on October 13th,...what
else do I say??........................
Rest in peace Number one............................
Well,its bank holiday Monday and this time last year I was
so ill I seriously wondered if I would see it this year,or,to be honest,would I
see Christmas ?..
I guess if you have got this far in reading my blogspot then reading my
comments on my birthday 1st May,you will know of the things driving me.... you
might be pleased to know I visited the newly built ASDA superstore at Keighley
and although not a ASDA fan it was a milestone I aimed for...today is the grand
opening of the new TESCO superstore in Skipton that I have watched being built,I
will visit today...another milestone,although I am a Morrisons customer and
intend to remain loyal lol.
The Giggleswick Riverside Walk was completed and opened to the public a few
weeks ago,another milestone and the pictures are on my website for you all to
enjoy here look also when on my
site at the Hydro electric power plant that was my next milestone,due to be
opened in the next few weeks by (its rumoured) members of Take That,as they
have cottages in nearby villages and some members are shareholders of the green
scheme.
Have a lovely day everyone...thanks for reading and following my blog.
God bless
xPaulx
Its 2 months today since my eldest son died,sat talking to him in our
Churchyard today,sat on the new rustic bench by his flower vase,I feel able for
the first time to put a little verse for him....
Our place of peace
Churchyard headstones,row on row,
A rustic seat,where I can go,
To talk to you,I miss you so,
But in heaven George,these things you know,
You watch at day,on clouds so light,
In darkness,you are,a star so bright,
To help me with my sadness fight,
Your memory,always,in my sight.
xDadx
This is the view from my kitchen window of Castleberg
Crag,it is the toe of the Pennine chain,the backbone of Britain.
When I was fitter,I often hiked to the top,on the footpath to read my newspaper
and look at the views.
Last year,due to loose rocks,the path was put out of bounds as a danger until
the Rock Climbers of UK had an idea to open it as a new climbing centre,with
some sponsors of local business to pay for the climbing fixings etc.
The local council agreed and on May 2nd 2008 it was officially
opened,ironically,it was my 60th birthday and the day I was diagnosed with
cancer being given 6-9 months to live, without radical treatment.
I watched from my lonely health induced prison cell of a kitchen with envy,the
climbers enjoying themselves so much,knowing I would never be able to join them
on the rock ever again,but there was another thing I could do,I could sponsor a
climb.
There were already 25 runs sorted,and Dave Musgrove the rock climbing contact
promised to look in the Autumn for a new fairly challenging one I could sponsor.
This week he emailed me with climb # 26,from the bottom right corner,across
several climbs,to the top left,using overhangs etc as added challenges.
I am so pleased that I can name it,not just for me,but to show respect for all
battlers of this horrid disease.
The new climb is to be called "Paul Taylor's climb for life"
Read press reports and pics about the climbing experience. HERE
And also the official rockclimbers articles about the climbs etc HERE
God bless all the climbers,protect them from harm.
Paul
xx
October the 13th would have been George's 38th birthday,it was a very emotional
day,I went through to Hull to visit his grave,to take a carving of an Eagle in
wood,Eagles were Georges favourite birds.
It was the first time I had visited his grave since his funeral 13th July,the
soil is settling well and grass seed has been sown,it was wonderful to see paw
prints of foxes on the soft soil,he would have been thrilled to know,wildlife
had visited so closely.
The grave will look better when his headstone is erected in January,the time
alloted by the parks and cemeteries department in Hull.
The pictures show his grave next to his nannas,Mary Agnes Stork (nee
MacSporran,the purse holders to the MacDonald clan)I am really pleased I bought
the ajoining grave as our family plot,side by side he is not alone,he is also 4
rows exactly up from his cousin Lee,and my late sister Carol,his aunt.
The support of my friends really helped me that day,as they do on so many
occasions,God bless you all.
Paul
xx
If you never saw my remembrance day poem on my website....I copy it here......
LEST WE FORGET............
As this maybe,as others see,a road so paved in fear,
Eleventh day,Eleventh month of yet another year,
With poppy petals we adorn,for sacrifices all have shown,
We will not forget you,family and friends wont let you,
In our thoughts till your spirits rise,
The buglers last post wets our eyes,
Thank you from all of us,for freedom in this world of cuss.
Respects
Paul
Well,it was a visit to Dr Rasheed's clinic and X Rays,I have
been having quite a lot of new pains in my back and ribs so I was dreading
going.
Had back X Rays the other week,as I told my GP,that I thought it was all coming
from my Ankylosing Spondilosis,a problem with my back since 1974.
Rasheed say,X Ray showed no new tumour growth for the 3rd quarter,so I was
delighted,he viewed the XRays to my back which showed,as I suspected,my
Kypho-Scholiosis (S shaped spine) and the Ankylosing Spondylosis (a severe form
of athritis).
I was pleased as he was when viewing the chest X Rays,he said he thinks
now,that he can start looking at repairing the heart valve,there is a parallel
butted sarcoma,alongside,and a heart valve not closing properly,so I was not
well enough before to let them open me up,and see if they could scrape away the
sarcoma,or if it was intrusive (intertwined).
He ordered a blood test for counts and gave me an application to give Cardio
Respiratory clinic.As I arrived home,they phoned with appointment for December
14th,for ultra sound scans,to get a 3D picture of heart and its surroundings,so
they must now be thinking its worth spending money on me,lol,life's
good...God's good....
God bless you all who are following my journey,its all mind over matter...most
of you are always in my mind,the rest don't matter lol.
Tarra batties......go flap your wings.....
Paul
xx
I stumbled upon this quote on the MacMillan site,I thought
it worthy of sharing....
I have walked amongst giants hewn from solid oak and granite,reduced to
splinters and sand,
and women so ravaged that all that is left is their beauty from within.
We are the cancer community – a brotherhood so strong that we will kick the
arse of this vile disease and god help anyone who gets in our way!
We may be dribbling, incontinent, sometimes vague but we are on a mission that
only we truly understand.
So please remember that when we appear to take no prisoners!
'Nuff said.........
.
.
Well young Joe won,I'm so pleased,it was a very emotional
song,and seemed that the words were not only meaningful for many many people,but
especially so for me.
Not only does it make me realize the battle I have taken on,but also,makes me
think of the climb of the Castleberg Rock looking from my kitchen window.Its
not how I get there,whether in person,or in my mind,or having a track named
after my struggle,its the climb,as the lyrics say.
Here are the lyrics,all copyrights respected
The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
© HOPELESS ROSE MUSIC; VISTAVILLE MUSIC;
All of you with your own climbs.....keep faith,you can achieve your goal
.
.
Well my friends,
Today I attended the cardio respiratory unit at Airedale Hospital,Keighley to
have my echo cardiogram,quite a painless affair,I must admit,hearing my heart
pump blood and flushing,was miraculous,or was it scary?,.....maybe a bit of
both,you don't realize a small organ like a heart can do so much work 24/7 and
for more than 61 years too lol.
In case anyone is interested in what its all about,here is a website
explaining,I had a 3D echo performed,to get a real time picture
See here (but don't
forget to hold Ctrl key down or you will lose this page)
Thats all for now,thanks again for your thoughts and prayers and support
Bless you all
Paul
xx
.
.
Georges
little memorial at my village churchyard,its lovely and peaceful,between two
miniature trees,next to a rustic bench at the end of a path.
It is visited daily by wildlife,which would have thrilled George.
Merry Christmas No1 son,missing you so much
Dad
xx
Hello everyone...
I know I have not posted for some time but I think that you all have your own
lives to lead and don't really need my drivel of daily boredom.
I said in a poem early in this blogspot,that unless I have something
important,I will not just post daily drivel .
I think tonight is the exception,it is New Years Eve 2010/2011 and once again I
find myself so very grateful that I am still alive to celebrate.
Your prayers,thoughts and good wishes continue to feed my support and for that
I thank you...God Bless.
May I wish you and your families and friends the very very best for 2011,from
the bottom of my heart I thank you all
Happy New Year
Paul
xx
Well it's the new year,my tailor wrote to me with a offer,buy one pair get one
pair free due to severe winter and recession.
I thought,not a offer to refuse,hand made Italian leather shoes at half
price,my last pair lasted 24 years,granted I only wore them as dress shoes
(chelsea boots) weddings,christenings ,funerals etc.
Its was mainly as a act of defiance really that I ordered them,thinking they
will do for my birthday in May,if I am still beating the Alien.
Well,the end of another chapter,George's headstone was erected on January 5th
and I went through on Wednesday 6th to see it,and lay fresh flowers,I was
REALLY pleased at the finished job...I am really pleased I researched online
and found Shaun and Paul of SP Memorials, Hull,well done lads,you followed my
wishes to the letter.
The top picture shows my youngest son Mark,George's brother......
George would have been delighted at the soaring Eagle....
God bless number one......
Dad
Here we are in another decade,a new year that I actually
never expected to see AGAIN....there must be a God.
The world news over the holiday period brings more reports of terror,and it now
seems the World leaders are going to take action on Yemen.
This is another thing I never expected to rear it's ugly head again in my
lifetime,whether I had been ill or not,it is Yemen where...,as a young man in
the Royal Navy...,I came under attack from Yemen terrorists.At the start of my
blog,it states about one of my 'cat lives' being blown up,well,it was
Aden,Yemen,that this happened,in the 60's...,I was on early morning guard duty
with a friend,guarding a Royal Navy boat yard with a small wall around
it,when,as usual,the school bus passed by on its weekday run with children
onboard,I heard a 'PING' immediately realized a grenade had been activated,we
shouted simultaneously GRENADE,both jumped over the little wall as it went
THUMP...(a noise grenades exploding make lol).
We both lived to tell the tale,but it goes to show the lengths that terrorists
took even in THOSE days even hiding in a school bus, if you need more info
about the conflict it is HERE.
God protect and watch over all our service personnel and security services in
their demanding jobs.
.
Well here we are another day and another Oncologist examination.....but
what great news,she told me she's VERY pleased at my recovery level considering
I was at death's door 2 years ago....she told me to carry on as I am but I'm
not a fool and I must listen to my body.The cancer is still there but has been fried
along with the left lung,it is now a matter of living according to my new
limitations of chest and heart.
She has handed me over to the chest consultant and his team,and she said shes
happy to see me again in 6 months
SIX MONTHS!!!!!!! yippeeeeee thats brilliant,I was so pleased she got one of my
hugs,I was so happy I nearly welled up,but held it together..... Just to think
in 2 years I have gone from 6 months to live to...." I will see you in 6
months"......oh yes...I am well pleased...
You see my friends,it is ok saying carry on doing good,but it's not only me but
my faith and the prayers and support of you my friends,so thank you all and God
bless you all.....
Love to you all
Paul
xx
Hello everyone...
I know I have not posted for some time but I think that you all have your own
lives to lead and don't really need my drivel of daily boredom.
I said in a poem early in this blogspot,that unless I have something
important,I will not just post daily drivel .
I think tonight is the exception,it is New Years Eve 2010/2011 and once again I
find myself so very grateful that I am still alive to celebrate.
Your prayers,thoughts and good wishes continue to feed my support and for that
I thank you...God Bless.
May I wish you and your families and friends the very very best for 2011,from
the bottom of my heart I thank you all
Happy New Year
Paul
xx
Today my son Mark and his partner Gemma had a beautiful baby
boy,born at Hull Maternity Unit at 2350 weighing 8lbs 2 oz.
He is beautiful with the cutest button nose you ever did see.
Poor Gemma,after 10 hours labour,plus a epidural that she was reluctant to
have,she still had to have a 'C' section which she DEFINATELY did not want.
Baby Finley was too comfy and not wanted to see our world without a little
help,lol.
Finley George Taylor,welcome to the world,I am so glad I am still here to see
him,God bless you all and thanks to all the medical staff.
I will not post a pic on here for obvious reasons,but friends can ask me.
Paul
xx
