hi lovely people
this is my first blog
I am so sad because I see my lovely sister getting more weak as the days progress. she was re-diagnosed last May with secondaries to breast cancer and was very sick. we felt she'd hidden how poorly she had become from maybe January of last year.
she was so unwell then it was scary.
but she rallied and decided to fight it with the horrors of chemo. but they couldn't isolate it (said it was the omentum- this is the tissue that carries blood supply to the gut)
In March of this year I took her back to see her specialist and she was told she had months to live and not years. so it's now May again and despite various support mechanisms she is fading fast.
I spoke to her today and realise I will need to see her every few days not every week, to text her daily (at her request) to check in and just to be flexible as I can with work. I need to speak to them to let them know how things are.
And I feel guilty to be well enough to say go to the gym, and walk as far as I want, eat what I want without feeling sick, have a body that behaves itself, have energy to deal with life, to be able to get up for work in the morning.etc, etc. she can't do these things
But when she feels well she is very strong and driven. she is compassionate, adores her two children, worries about our wee mum (who worries about her back!). and I love her. and I will miss her more than words can ever say
and I am crying now for the 5th or 6th time today as I type.
so not pity party for me or for her. Just the harsh reality is biting
and I am finding this sooooo hard. and the guilt kicks in here , that I should not feel as if I have it tough.
but you know what, here for the grace of a higher power go I. I am not a religious or observant person but I am spiritual and believe in the power of the universe. so I am putting this out to the universe for any kind of help, which I believe I will get as and when i need it
peace and healing love to you all
