Sad days

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

1 May 2012

hi lovely people
this is my first blog

I am so sad because I see my lovely sister getting more weak as the days progress. she was re-diagnosed last May with secondaries to breast cancer and was very sick. we felt she'd hidden how poorly she had become from maybe January of last year.

she was so unwell then it was scary.

but she rallied and decided to fight it with the horrors of chemo. but they couldn't isolate it (said it was the omentum- this is the tissue that carries blood supply to the gut)

In March of this year I took her back to see her specialist and she was told she had months to live and not years. so it's now May again and despite various support mechanisms she is fading fast.

I spoke to her today and realise I will need to see her every few days not every week, to text her daily (at her request) to check in and just to be flexible as I can with work. I need to speak to them to let them know how things are.

And I feel guilty to be well enough to say go to the gym, and walk as far as I want, eat what I want without feeling sick, have a body that behaves itself, have energy to deal with life, to be able to get up for work in the morning.etc, etc. she can't do these things

But when she feels well she is very strong and driven. she is compassionate, adores her two children, worries about our wee mum (who worries about her back!). and I love her. and I will miss her more than words can ever say

and I am crying now for the 5th or 6th time today as I type.

so not pity party for me or for her. Just the harsh reality is biting

and I am finding this sooooo hard. and the guilt kicks in here , that I should not feel as if I have it tough.

but you know what, here for the grace of a higher power go I. I am not a religious or observant person but I am spiritual and believe in the power of the universe. so I am putting this out to the universe for any kind of help, which I believe I will get as and when i need it

peace and healing love to you all

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Oh sweetheart...

Bless your heart... I'm right there with you in all that you've written, and sharing in that sea of ever flowing tears too.

I think we all feel guilt... it's only natural. I am having such a bad evening myself tonight that I really am not much use to you BUT I didn't want you to feel that you were alone. So my sweet... try to rest in the knowledge that this little cyber-macmillan family has you in it's thoughts and prayers, and this little lady feels your pain and will write again with wiser words of comfort when she's able.

Sleep sweet and take care xxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Dear choccigirl

How terrible for your dear sister to be given this awful news.

Hope you can be strong for her and her children and of course your mum, who will be devastated at losing a daughter.

Of course you are finding it tough, she is your sister and you love her.

Spend as much time as you can with her, laugh a lot, create special memories and be strong, you can do it.

Cry when she doesnt see you, and come on here for help and support any time.

love jmd xxxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Choc,

My heart goes out to you, am hoping I can help a bit, I have 2 wonderful sisters I am the baby of the family , I am the one with secondary bowel cancer in my lungs, and my sisters are devastated like you, my elder sister of 71 said she wished it was her rather than me, but you cannot change things.

Well done for joining the mac family , you will find help and comfort on here and you will be able to help us too, I cannot imagine if it was my sisters with cancer like you I would feel terrible.

I agree with all what the others have said you have found 2 lovely friends there that will help you and me.

I do believe we will all meet again in a better place, it is the only way I can cope with losing my mum, the thought I will see her again.

So I will say a prayer for your sister and all your family and am also sending healing thoughts to you.

Love and hugs Pam xxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Thanks to you all, what lovely comments and support many thanks

Pam, you are a brave lady and I am glad you are here to show your side of this to me.

I need to focus on work today but knowing I ahve you guys amkes all the difference to me

thanks again and healing love to you all

Jane xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Here's an update. My sister was more unwell and taken into hospital on Wednesday. Today my niece and nephew came after visiting to tell me the hospital is trying to organise her a Hospice bed.

I feel she is so weak we could lose her any day. My niece is devastated and I insisted she stayed with me tonight

Please keep praying for her lovely people

healing love to you all

Jane xxx
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