well my pops had another bad day today, he broke down telling me how scared he is. It took all my courage to be strong for him and not cry infront of him. We had a good talk and i talked him back into being positive again. I know things arnt looking positive or so other family members keep telling me but im NOT GIVING UP. I have fought this long and im not letting him go without a fight even if it kills me. Hope is all i have left now and it seems the only thing that is keeping me going. I hate what this cancer is doing to him and get so angry, mostly with the wrong people and i dont want to push my husband away who is so supportive but i just cant help it. I suppose im not dealing with this as good as i thought i was but im trying my best. I know i can talk to my husband but for some reason i cant seem to do so or anyone else for that matter (apart from on here) which is so strange as im a very open person. I think its cos i dont want to show them im not as strong as they think, anyways its the scan on thursday so i hope its not long for the results. Had the doctor out to pop as hes in alot of pain so hes on morphine now which is helping thank god. Theres one thing i dont want and thats him to suffer and ill do whatever i can to make sure that doesnt happen. Sorry rant over.
