I give up!! My husband had his emergency op when they discovered his cancer exactly one year ago now - and in all this time his sister has not once been up to see him and rarely rings. The last occasion her husband rang and when my husband asked to talk to her, was told she was engrossed watching the TV, so he left it!!
When I got upset with my sister-in-law a little while back, she said it was not that she did not love my husband, but she had seen her husband's cousin when she had terminal breast cancer and it had upset her (sister-in-law) so much she could not put herself through it again!!!
Now is it me? or is that just dreadfully, unspeakably selfish?
And so on to sibling no. 2 - my brother!! My lovely 91 year old mother is in a Nursing Home and since her diagnosis of alzheimers, it has fallen to me to arrange everything, from contacting various authorities when she was still managing to live independently in her flat, to arranging for her to go into the first residential home. When she was taken very ill and not expected to live, I was away on holiday, and my brother told my three adult children that he was sure they could manage, and did not bother to put in an appearance, until the day before I came back from holiday to take over.
When mother was given a short time to live and I had to rush around and find her a Nursing Home within 3 days, he was nowhere to be seen. Thankfully due to the wonderful care at the Home, some two years later mum is still with us. I exploded one day and told my brother that the lack of support for me and mother was disgraceful and since that time he has not spoken nor contacted me. He walked past me in the corridor of the Home when I visited mum and did not acknowledge me. He visits mum about every 4 - 5 months, and has absolutely no idea of what is happening with her. My brother did not even know my husband has had cancer for a year until very recently. Of his two daughters - one has never been to see my mum for five years, the other for at least 10 years.
I cannot understand how two people who are brought up in the same manner by the same parents, can behave in such a different way to their siblings. I cannot understand how my sister-in-law cannot bring herself to visit my husband, even if only once. I told her he has not lost weight - his hair is growing again, there is nothing awful about his appearance that she need be scared of, but nothing!
I visit my mum as often as I can, but some days it would be wonderful to know there was the back up with her that I have at times over the past year, really needed. But nothing!!
My husband is coping so bravely and so well with his cancer journey - I just wish he could feel more support from his family outside our own immediate one.
I am so angry and aggrieved, but I know it is no good challenging my sister-in-law about her attitudes and I have long since given up on my brother, as long as mum is not aware of anything going on that is fine by me.
My husband says he is not bothered about talking to his sister - and I have to accept that, but I know he has been hurt by her attitude, and is now reconciled to her behaviour.
As if this journey has not been hard enough, the attitudes of the siblings has appalled me, and made me believe the old saying: you can choose your friends, you cannot choose your family!!!!
