Arrived scrubbed up and polished and in good time for my MRI this evening.
On replying in the negative to the questions about having any recent deposits of metal in my body or to ever having any metal objects enter my eyes, I was relieved of the Pink Floyd CD that I had bought to be played through the supplied earphones and introduced to the cylindical capsule of the MRI scanner that took up half of the scanning room.
I was instructed to lie on the scanners 'bed' which extended like a tongue from the opening of the decompression chamber type apparatus.
As soon as my head lay on the pillow,Rosa Klebb and her twin sister swiftly plonked the earphones over my ears and secured me to the bed from chest to ''down below'' with several loose fitting padded straps with velcro ends.A rubber bulb was placed in my left hand and I was told that this was a panic button for me to communicate with Rosa if I had a problem at anytime when inside the belly of the beast.As Rosa ended this advice with a barely concealed snigger I realised that this was no panic button for my benefit but an indicator to them if i needed to press it for them to increase the power of the machine to an even more unbearable level!
Only because I was disadvantaged by laying on my back were these two women able to encase me in preparation for being devoured by their electronic contraption and to complete their sadistic preparation they turned on the earphones and began to play a Robbie Williams album to me.
Being on true stiff upper lip stock I gritted my teeth and would not allow myself to show the pain that this was inflicting through my ears.
Seeing that playing Robbie Williams was having no apparent effect they then played their most dastardly card--they played my Pink Floyd 'Dark Side Of The Moon' CD to me at such a low volume that it was nigh on inaudible!.
Truly their torture techniques knew no bounds!
In the full knowledge that I was now suffering as few had suffered before, they slid me into the scanner and just as Harry Palmer was bombarded by 'White Noise' when imprisoned in a suspended metal box during his investigation of the 'Ipcress File' they began assaulting my senses with measured doses of a repetitive and monotonous pulsed noise.
Again and again 'Dong,dong,dong,dong,dong,dong' hammered into my senses as they attempted to break me but taking a leaf from Harry Palmer where he grinds a piece of metal painfully into his hand to provide his brain with a distraction from the ever more invasive white noise, I began to force the only part of my body that was not secured,my toes, hard against the metal sides of the enclosure hard enough to eventually snap the bones in each one.First the right foot and then the left but relentlessly the noise continued and all the time I was being inched further and further intside this carniverous abomination.
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Fantasy time over.
What really happened was that I Arrived scrubbed up and polished and in good time for my MRI this evening.
On replying in the negative to the questions about having any recent deposits of metal in my body or to ever having any metal objects enter my eyes, I was relieved of the Pink Floyd CD that I had bought to be played through the supplied earphones and introduced to the cylindical capsule of the MRI scanner that took up half of the scanning room.
I was instructed to lie on the scanners 'bed' which extended like a tongue from the opening of the decompression chamber type apparatus.
Rosa the two young radiographers grabbed me from behind asked me to lie on the bed and lightly placed a couple of light bands over me and requested that I place my arms by my side and that I should keep as still as possible whilst the scanner performed it's task.
The 'Dong,dong' noise was there but only at a medium loud volume and was interspersed with periods of near silence.
It does seem to be an eternity when you are in there but in reality it's only a very small period of time.
It put me in mind of defrosting on a low setting in the microwave the way the imager comes on and 'dongs' then goes off and then drones on again.
I was soon 'spat out' by the scanner and sent merrily on my way.
Now it's a 7-10 day wait I understand--hate all this waiting--until the main man's associate deems it time to reveal all.
