My 80 year old step dad, who is like a father to me, has terminal lung cancer and I live overseas. My mum died five years ago I've come back along with my partner to care for him. He was in a dreadful state when we arrived but having people here to make meals, take him to hospital appointments get his pain relief sorted out etc etc has made a big difference.
I am so conflicted because I love him dearly and obviously want him to have as long as possible with us, but at the same time we've had to lock up our house and leave it, take unpaid indefinite time away from our work, and basically leave our lives indefinitely and I wake up every day with a feeling of being unable to cope and wanting to go home. He is understandably angry and difficult which makes me very anxious. I have a brother and sister who live nearby and do drop in but it feels like they are able to get on with their lives while I can't. He needs someone with him 24/7 so myself and my partner are pretty much stuck here. I know this is incredibly selfish to be feeling like this but I cry every day. He absolutely refuses to be admitted to hospital or consider a hospice when the time comes and wants to die at home and I'm terrified of what is involved in that for us.
