This last few weeks have been hell. A real mixture of emotions, and I start to cry at times I'm least expecting it. Crying like a baby, my poor hubby doesn't know how to react. I even cry at Eastenders at the moment with the chemo story going on.
My Dad has just finished round 1 of his chemo. He's gone to the Marsden today to have his "bottle" disconnected. What a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone this last two weeks have been. I've watched him slowly look more ill, sometimes even yellow and this wonderful strong man, so so so tired. It is literally breaking my heart to see him like this BUT as ever, my Dad wants to pretend all is ok and protect us "children", although I'm 44!
The hardest part has been not knowing how to react. Am I being over protective, am I showing him how much I love him, does he want to talk about it, doesn't he .... all these questions, every day going on in my head. Every day, well, every night as well actually, because sleep doesn't come easy does it. It feels like life is on hold at the moment until this is all over and Dad is well again.
I feel so low, so God knows how Mum and Dad are feeling, but it's my turn to look after them now, and I am trying my hardest.
It's so nice to say how you're feeling on here, because day to day you have to put on "an act" that you are on top of the world and everything is fine, when deep inside you feel awful.
This is just the beginning though, and the end ............................ FULL RECOVERY !, just must keep telling myself that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
