counting the days

I am counting down the days now till wednesday to get the results of my neck lumps aspiration. I think about it all the time . 5 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer . I went through most of it on my own. It was the hardest thing I had to go through but have been well for 3 years. I went to live in spain last year to have a better quality of life and everythhing possible that could go wrong did go wrong . I lost every penny I went with after selling my house. I came back in June to start all over again . Got a house , got a job , my partner and I are having another go at our relationship and BANG I might have secondary cancer. I to say the least am really pissed of with this world. I now just want to know what my future is and have no patients. Why are we made to wait for results. Do Doctors now realise that the waiting is the hardest. I asked him if it looked bad and he said it didnt look good. What the hell does that mean . Well its Friday now and wednesday is so far away . If it is cancer returned then I dont think I will be able to keep my job of only 1 month and it is a great job . Life at the moment sucks