You know the ones.................. they're only funny because your dad told you them. My dad had a way of drawing me in and making me think he was telling me about an event that really happened. At the time I groaned at both of these when he reached the end, but now they are precious memories of my funny dad. He would strike up a conversation and slip them in somewhere, clever!
Whilst telling me this first story we were talking about my boyfriend at the time who was in the army (remember that because it makes the joke) and uniforms.
"And what about the "Salvation Army" dad said, "They wear uniforms too. In fact, when I was in the pub last night a couple of them came in."
"Oh, why?" I asked.
"They were trying to sell me one of those "War Cry" magazines, wouldn't take no for an answer, kept going on and on!"
"What, harrassing you?"
"Yeah, I kept saying no, but he kept insisting, then the woman he was with came over and started trying to get me to buy one too!"
"That's terrible," I said, "I didn't think they were allowed to do that, did you tell them to go away?"
"Yes, I told them to leave me alone.............. so then the woman said "Well how about a "Young Soldier " for your daughter?"
"God dad, they don't give up do they?"
"Well, I told her "No thanks, she's already got one!"......Boom Boom!"
During the second one my stepsons were only aged about 10 and 11.
Dad...... "I saw Anthony and Scott yesterday when I was down at the market."
Me........."Really, they should have been at school, what were they doing?"
Dad....... "They were dragging an armchair down the street"
Me........."What? One of mine?"
Dad....."No, they told me that some bloke had given them it. They didn't know who he was."
By this time I'm concerned "When I get home I'll ask them what they were doing, they should have been at school." I'm muttering.
Dad.... "so I went into the pet shop, came out, and there they are with a 2 seater sofa, dragging it down the road, I shouted "Oy! Where've you got that from?" They replied "Some bloke on the corner" and carried on down the road."
Me...."Where were they taking it?" I asked.
Dad...."Oh, I don't know. But I went into the market, got some veg, the pork chops were on offer, so I got a couple of them, nice."
Me.... "But what about Anthony and Scott.... did you see them again?"
Dad...."What?..... Oh yeah, when I came out of the market, there they were, dragging another armchair away."
Me..... "Dad, you should have rung me....... I want to know what's going on!"
Dad...." No ,no, don't worry, I sorted it out."
Me...."How?"
Dad...."Well, this time I stopped them, I asked who had given them the chairs and sofa..... they said they didn't know the guys name, he was just some bloke.........so I told them........ No! Don't do it......... What have you been told about taking suites (sweets) from strangers!"
Needless to say, my stepsons had been safely in school and nowhere near the market!
Yeah, so they're not hilariously funny, but they're 2 of my favourite "Dad" jokes!
