I finished the radiotherapy on my back by Friday, and came home on Saturday. The r/t doesn't seem to have affected me, really. I felt sick on the first day, and fatigued of course, but otherwise it went off without a hitch. I expected the promised side-effects to kick in from the weekend onwards, but so far nothing at all, not even sore skin. Maybe this is because I religiously slather on the radiance gel, which is mostly aloe vera.
I've been thinking a lot about pain over the last week or so. I mentioned in my last post but one that the oncologist had put me on to long-acting Zomorph, 10mg twice a day, and advised me to continue the oral morphine syrup (which has a more immediate effect) as and when I needed it. The introduction of the Zomorph made me reflect that actually I had been in almost constant pain all summer, but the interesting thing is that I'd got used to it. I was trying to control it with paracetamol alone, which was clearly not working, but you get used to anything in the end, and it becomes the norm. I had also been trying to direct my daily meditation practice towards dealing with the pain, but with limited success - too often it got in the way of being able to meditate at all, rather than becoming the focus on which to concentrate. The tummy pain everyone (ie oncologist, nurses, GP) put down to constipation, but it's obvious now that it wasn't constipation but cancer pain. (BTW I wish there was a less childish word than 'tummy'. 'Abdomen' sounds too scientific, 'bowel' is too medical, 'stomach' is wrong because it's not the stomach, and 'gut' is a bit too crude.) The lower back pain was something I've always had, so the fact that it was worse I put down to too much gardening, or too much sitting at the computer, or whatever, little realising that it actually was a collapsed vertebra caused by an expanding lymph node. As for the pain in the neck, well, I could see what that was, and still can of course. The lump in my neck, which was visible only to me for a long time, is now visible to anyone who looks at me, and the pain shoots down my back, my chest, and/or my left arm if left uncontrolled.
When I saw the oncologist halfway through the radiotherapy, last Wednesday, he advised me to double the Zomorph, and I was also prescribed a short course of Prednisolone (a steroid). The latter is supposed to help reduce the inflammation caused by radiotherapy, plus give me an appetite (it doesn't). In practice, all it seems to do is prevent me sleeping, which is a nuisance, and also give me bouts of energy in between periods of dragging fatigue. However, the increase in pain control has been a revelation. Not being in pain is a huge relief. Every day of radiotherapy the radiographers would ask me whether I had enough pain relief. I always replied yes, and on the last day I asked one of them why they went on about it so much. He explained that they had zapped bone - ie the vertebra which has been invaded - and that bone contains a lot of nerve endings which can cause acute pain for a little while after r/t finishes. But luckily, so far this hasn't happened.
So I'm back at home trying to lead a more or less normal life while we wait for the chemo planning consultation, which should be next Thurs. I hope so, as we're going down to Exmoor for a short break the following day. I have postponed my trip to Canada till some time next May, though I'm pretty sure that it will never happen, not least because my oncologist has expressly forbidden my ever leaving Europe again. And my brothers both insisted that I obey Dr S (who said, 'well, that's a first!') My husband did not try to persuade me one way or the other - he just told my brothers, 'she's strong-willed, and will do whatever she wants to do, but I don't think even she would disobey Dr S's orders' - and he's right. The best news is that my Canadian brother is coming over here in November, so I shall see him anyway. Since that was the purpose of my proposed trip, I'm very happy about that. And the bonus is that English brother can see him too, and we can all be together.
