I feel everything is building up in me and I am going to explode. I have gone from being a person who I thought was quite a chilled and relaxed person. Did not use to lose temper with people, but oh how I have changed, what is happening to me. Bob was taken back into hospital on the 12th Dec, in excruciating pain, and is still there. So not a great Christmas. Christmas eve so strange him not being here, I did not stop crying. Sat and stared at christmas tree most of the night , thinking why oh why us. Feel like I have had to fight to get him treatment to treat the terrible pain he is in. He was admitted and put on a ward where they did not seem to care less, took them 4hrs/3hrs just to get pain killers which the doctor said he should have every 2hrs. I know the nurses are busy, but these nurses just seemed to be interested in what they would be doing or wearing for Christmas, and I am sorry but when it comes to your own loved ones watching them in so much pain, I know it is terrible but I thought no why should you be laughing and joking, these nurses on this ward did not seem to care less. I just hope one of their relatives never have to go through this. I can't even say what my elder children wanted to do to them, I had to try and keep them calm, while trying to stay calm myself. It is the hardest thing I have had to do. Finally got Macmillans involved and ward management, the macmillans were appalled at what Bob had had to go through for 3days. He is now on a ward, which I cannot fault one bit, where the nurses are like angels.He has now been in hospital 16 days, pain is getting better with pain killers, but they do not know what is causing such excruiciating pain, they are quite baffled. Hopefully he could be out for the New Year, I hope and I pray he will be, but he is so frail, this pain has really pulled him down to rock bottom. I feel like I am there also. I am so trying to get out of this rut, I must for his sake and for the children but there does not seem ther is any light at the end of the tunnel. Oh well best get myself ready and get off to the hospital, sorry to anybody who reads this for waffling on so much, but feel that this is the only place I can express myself openly, because I have to put on a front to everybody at home, this is why I feel like exploding.
