I was shown to my bed and told to wait. A young nurse who was originally from Cotgrave arrived with a questionnaire – all of the usual information. Do you take any prescription drugs – I take nine different ones for diabetes and blood pressure. She asked me what they were called. Blast! I knew I should have brought my repeat prescription form like I normally do. And why do drugs have a medical name and a manufacturers name? If you use a commercial name, the medical profession looks at you as if you are the village idiot.
Life story completed, the nurse then explained that everyone was being screened for MRSA or Mrs. A as my old mate called it. “Two swabs” she explained, “ one for the area around your nostrils….” “Yes,” I said during the pause, “and the other, “ she said, going red, “the other……..” I tried to help out. “Backside?” I queried. “No, not the backside, the other bit!” she retorted nearly exploding with embarrassment. “ The waterworks bit?” “No, no, not that!” “Then where?” I asked. “The bit behind the round things behind the waterworks bit and in front of your bum!!!” “Okey dokey” I answered, after we all picked ourselves up off the floor laughing , including the nurse.
The doctor then turned up. “Do you take any tablets” he asked. “How long have you got?” I answered again. So I try and remember the diabetes tablets, the blood pressure tablets, the cholesterol reducers, iron tablets and of course the chemo and associated drugs. Again I am giving the packet names which is not the names used by the profession.
My veins are deep and twisted. A bit like my mind so Irene says! The doctor said we need some bloods and to fit a canula. “Are your veins easy to find” he asked, “Unfortunately no” I responded. He put a strap on and started stroking my arm. Gently. Very gently. “I think there is a vein here but I am not sure.” I told him to have a go – I am not squeamish. In fact when I had pneumonia about four years ago I put my own canula in when the nurse had a dicky fit when I rolled on to it and pulled in out. She was Bulgarian and went hysterical because it said in my notes that my veins were difficult to find and she would be sacked if she did not get the bag of anti-biotics in me by the morning. I don’t think that she would have been sacked but she was on her own and was rushing about like a maniac.
Another time there was new phlebotomist at the Health Centre. She tried and missed the vein. “Can I have another go?” she asked. “Not a problem I replied.” Again she missed the vein. “Oh dear – I have missed again. I don’t suppose I could have another go?” “Go ahead, it’s you who has to pick me up off the floor.” She tried again and missed and said that she had to go and get some help. Doctor Lowe came in. “We have to be rough with the big ones, don’t we Drew” he said, pulling the strap extremely tight. Big ones indeed! Bloody cheek!
So there we were, me Jonathan and Irene and a very nervous doctor. He got in at the first attempt after a bit of encouragement. I could tell he didn’t want to hurt me. Canula in he injected some saline and then took two phials of blood. I thought it was strange at the time that he didn’t write any details on them but who am I to question the professionals.
I had driven there and my car was in the car park. Antony had come to pick Irene and Jonathan up – good job because the nurses couldn’t get their job done for Jonathan trying to chat them up.
So there I was in City hospital, bay 2 bed 3. To my left was an elderly gentleman whose next door neighbour I had met at the bus stop a few days earlier. The bed opposite was empty and the one next to that was occupied by a mysterious gentleman behind the curtains. Suddenly the ambulance men turned up and left another inmate in the bed opposite.
The night shift staff nurse came round. “Have you anything to tell me ?” I asked. “About what? “ she replied. “Whether I am staying in or not.” “Oh! Hasn’t anyone told you? You are staying in and having intravenous anti-biotics.”
Right! I’ll get my pyjamas on then! The plain ones without the tins of beer and bottles of wine printed on them. First impressions and all that! Staff nurse turns up to do my obs and then injects two syringes of anti-biotics and we try and settle down for the night.
