The Demise of Roland Ratso:Chapter Eighteen

What happens if I have a break? The Demise of Roland Ratso has been a lifeline – only because of the positive comments and I am not sure what to do if we are on our holidays. I suppose I could regale you with some other ramblings. The four years to get a passport is always a good one. And the many adventures we had with my father. Dunno. I suppose we will have to see where it all goes. My appointment is 1350 today with the doctor at 1420. I will start my preparations at about 1215. A warm bath with some skin soother that my GP gave me along with some salt. Then I do my derriere with the soothing cream and my feet with some other cream. A salt mouth wash followed by another mouthwash then clean my teeth. Not normally one for routines I find that mine keeps me nearly pristine. So I make the trek to the Radio shack. Bloody Medilink bus just leaves as I arrive. It’s pissing – sorry pouring – with rain and it’s cold. Our local weather girl said it would be and she is not often wrong. There’s quite a lot of people waiting – I am there before my time and get called in nearly straight away in front of a couple of others. Lurch is back – wheeling in a couple in chairs – a lady for LINAC1 and a gentleman for LINAC2. The fisherman is there again. “Bloody late again” he says. “Better late than never is my response.” He gets called in in front of me and I’m glad. Another old boy sits in his chair. “Oh this chair isn’t taken? “ He asks. “No – he’s gone into the zapping room” I reply. He then asks “Why does everyone go to the drink fountain? I am supposed to have my bladder empty and I don’t even have a cup of tea before I come here.” I explain to him that it depends where they are treating you – some of us have to have a full bladder. Richard has the pleasure of my derriere again. I go in and drop my britches and get on the table. I am getting used to the table now – there are two small scratches just in front of my eyes so I now know if they have got me somewhere near. “Lift up so we can see the tattoo marks” Lift up so we can see your bum more like. And then after they have finished you get a chance to pull yer underclarts up while dragging blue paper towel into them. Richard and his female companion go into deep discussion about my tattoo marks – they can’t seem to get me lined up. I look for the two scratched dots – I am about six inches away. Then they bring someone else in and a bit more shoving goes on. “That’s beautiful” the third party says. “Too damn right it is” I think, “It’s my arse and its big and proud!” Then the usual confirmation of co-ordinates and setting up the machine. What I didn’t realise at the time was I had my underclarts on back to front! Oh no! The shame of it. They must think I am geriatric. Or being provocative.